An Homage to the Brady Bunch - Raving Retro

While the rest of the country was protesting the Vietnam war or watching the Watergate hearings there were many of us who viewed the world through the windows of our suburban tri-level homes and watched the Brady Bunch every weekend afternoon - there at least all was right with the world. The Bradys had the perfect family, they were happy, well-adjusted and seemed to have a lot of fun hanging out with each other (perhaps more fun than we realized based upon stories of Brady scandals that began emerging during the 1980's).

For the cast of the Brady Bunch, it was all downhill after the show was cancelled.

During the 1970's though, the Bradys seemed normal. While the Bradys' had their issues, those problems were always resolved by the end of each episode. The Bradys presented a somewhat narrow view of the world though, for example:
  • There were no major characters from any minority, in fact you'd think minorities didn't exist if you watched it.
  • Mrs. Brady was a stay at home mom who never once thought of having a career.
  • The excuse for the family merger is murky, although Mr. Brady is a widower, no mention is made of Mrs. Brady's mysterious divorce. It's assumed she got all the kids in the settlement but apparently she doesn't get alimony.
  • Nobody drinks on the Brady Bunch, despite their last name being Brady - except for Sam, the sometimes boy-toy for Alice the housekeeper.
  • The Bradys' never faced any real trauma or setbacks, besides their vacations anyway.
  • The Bradys' didn't seem to have any opinions about anything outside their own personal lives. 
Many people think that Seinfeld invented the comedy about nothing, but the reality is that the Bradys beat them to it - it is a show that said absolutely nothing on any subject for 6 seasons. Yet, the show had an appeal which was hard to ignore. We've assembled several top ten lists as an homage to the time wasted during our childhood watching these folks and thinking they had it better than us...

Top 10 Episode Titles:
  • Marcia Gets Creamed - We didn't make these up
  • The Great Earring Caper - Kleptos on the cast? We'll have to refer to Marcia's or Jan's books
  • Getting Davy Jones - Odds are Marcia really got him, but we haven't read the tell-all book yet.
  • Coming Out Party - way before it became popular...
  • The Babysitters - Did this inspire the John Leguizamo film?
  • The Big Sprain - Before Sports medicine was cool...
  • Every Boy Does It Once - We don't want to know
  • The Teeter Totter Caper - we forgot about this one
  • Katchoo - One of several episodes dedicated to healthcare issues
  • Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy - A show, about nothing

Top (real-life) Brady Scandals:
  • Mike Brady is gay (dies of AIDS)
  • Mrs. Brady hooks up with Greg
  • Greg hooks up with Marcia
  • Marcia apparently hooks up with everyone, including Michael Jackson and Steve Martin.
  • Jan and Marsha hook up (maybe)
  • Greg and Jan hook up
  • Peter is gay (maybe)
  • Multiple substance abuse issues
  • Several failed spin offs 
  • Mrs. Brady has an affair with the Mayor of New York

Top 10 Brady Quotes:
  • Greg: Remember Dad, we're talking man-to-man, not kid-to-man man-to-man, but man-to-man, man-to-man.
  • Jan: Well, all I hear all day long at school is how great Marcia is at this how wonderful Marcia did that. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
  • Carol: [to Cindy] You shouldn't put down a loser, Cindy, because you might be one yourself someday. Just remember that.
  • Greg: It's sure great how some people can sing while other people are dying!
  • Alice: [to the deliveryman] You keep calling me sweetie, gorgeous & beautiful, and I'll follow you anywhere!
  • Greg: [Greg then sits at his desk imitating Marcia writing in her diary] "Dear diary, at last I met him, my dream man. It was at the delicatessen and our fingers tingled as we reached for the same potato salad."
  • Cindy: A star can't go on television, all fat and broken out.
  • Marcia: Something suddenly came up.
  • Carol: Cindy thought there are real butterflies in my stomach. What an idiot!

Top 3 Brady Hits:
Of course, someone had the bright idea to try to have the Bradys compete with the Partridge family. The following Brady hits were the fascinating result:
  • Sunshine Day - no comment

  • Keep on Moving - no comment
  • Brady Bunch Variety Hour: Disco Medley  - to be honest we never even knew that the Bradys' had their own variety hour. That's probably a good thing...

Disco and the Bradys - the perfect match
There is one thing we're certain of, there will never be another show quite like the Brady Bunch - movie remakes not withstanding (satire doesn't count).

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