- We're bored
- We like Zombies
- We're concerned about the over-commercialization of Zombies (it's getting almost as bad as Christmas)
- We saw a trailer for the new Brad Pitt film World War Z. (Z for Zombie, get it).
Here's the preview:
These zombies look like bugs - what's up with that?
|There's nothing like the real thang, baby...|
|Please take an animated breath-mint|
- Unemployment is bad enough, we don't want to put all of those extras out of work - think of their families and the little Zombies at home!
- Zombie makeovers could become a lost art or at least might become prohibitively expensive.
- Zombies should not be behaving like werewolves, sparkly vampires or other video-game like creatures that can crawl up walls and do backflips and other such nonsense. These guys are dead - they can't be in better shape after they croak, right?
- We need Human Zombies so we can train new generations of haunted house temps.
- An animated Zombie will never have the same pathos and motivation as a human zombie - longing for brains and flesh as well as their past lives.
- We should always be able to outrun the average Zombie - this is a long-standing rule broken by films like I am Legend and 28 Days Later. Fast Zombies are a bit like Lance Armstrong taking drugs and transfusing blood during a race - no fair - time out!
- Zombie extras (and all their friends and family) buy tickets to see themselves in the show (or tune in to TV and boost ratings) - the loss of this Zombie viewership would be devastating to Hollywood.
- Playing a Zombie is an inalienable American right - we read that somewhere - perhaps in the West Virginia state constitution. Doesn't matter where we saw it - and we will fight for that right.
- Because Zombie acting proves that there's life after death - well, sort of (maybe it's life after your career dies, we're not sure).
- And finally because Zombie(ness) is the final stage in human evolution and we shall not be denied (a preview of) our destiny.
We've hoped that we've convinced you of the righteousness of our cause... We are a nation of the Zombies, For the Zombies and By the Zombies - etc. etc.