The Top 10 Horror Films that Need to be Made

Just when you may have thought we ran out of ideas for Halloween Top 10 lists, we're back... Anyway, we thought it was important to explore frightening concepts that Hollywood has otherwise overlooked up until now. We certainly understand that not everyone has the same tastes when it comes to what does or doesn't scare them - we've tried our best to settle upon some universal themes. And BTW - we will have another list coming up after this - the Top 10 Scariest TV shows ever.

# 1 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Frontier Psychiatrist: Besides already having a very catchy soundtrack, we really want to know the rest of story...

This could have only come from... Down Under. Ever wonder about that nickname?

# 2 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Blood Cycle, The Lance Armstrong Story: You've only heard the tip of the iceberg, Lance got blood transfusions during races yes, but from whom and was it willingly given? This is the story that exposes Lance as the blood sucking, organ stealing fiend that seemed somehow superhuman - now we know why. Dracula, Frankenstein and Arnold all rolled into one - he was the true Hell on the Wheels.

What's that you're sipping, Count Spokula?

# 3 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Kardashian Chaos (AKA Sister Hacks): What happens when a gaggle of no-talent bimbos finally get kicked out of the spotlight - they get homicidal, that's what. The high fashion reality TV, fashion model babes wreak havoc on Hollywood - marrying unsuspecting athletes, jamming their high heels into the eye sockets of reporters and generally refusing to be ignored. The ultimate outcome of this film is too hideous to even contemplate - as the world is forced to watch them age much like the Rolling Stones.

You must watch us, forever and ever.........

# 4 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Preservatives: Everyone thinks the end times will come from some horrible virus, but what if - the Zombie Apocalypse started elsewhere - say perhaps at your local supermarket. This is the story of how junk-food preservatives changed our body chemistry and allowed the dead to last and live on - forever. A.K.A. - Revenge of the Twinkies.

You are ,what you eat....

# 5 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Foreclosure: This film idea asks the question what happens when you foreclose on a Haunted House? We think it might go something like this - homeowners get screwed by the bank and the house wreaks revenge on its neighbors by falling apart, failing to mow its yard and generally lowering property values. Eventually the house invites squatters and drug dealers to move in and must be demolished. Pretty scary huh?  

# 6 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Sushi: The ultimate slasher er slicer movie. There is nothing more disgusting and creepy than people eating raw meats. Let's make a movie about it; it'll probably be banned.

This used to be alive, have the decency to cook it at least will you!

 # 7 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Revenge of the Teens: This is usually only frightening to middle aged parents although there is plenty here to scare the wits out of just about anyone. The whole process is a little like the Alien movie franchise. 

 # 8 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Attack of the Sub-woofers: They move from town to town, following some really lousy bands waiting - waiting to be turned up just to the right level - that level where you can no longer distinguish noise from music - and then - booom - everyone heads' explode. Taking bad entertainment to the limit...

# 9 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Windows 8: Just when you thought you had finally worked out all your operating system issues, Microsoft introduces another one.  

The Horror, ... the... horror...

# 10 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Waffle Hell: Imagine if you can, arriving late at night somewhere in the deep South, into a strange, dirty dank restaurant late - you're just looking for some food (and no it's not Denny's even though it might qualify as purgatory). And then, the jukebox starts playing and all the patrons start singing country tunes (Dolly, Garth Brooks even some Bluegrass) and you can never ever leave. "I got friends in low places..."   AHHHHHHHHHH  This is the Waffle Hell...

Cholesterol and country music equal eternal suffering at the Waffle Hell

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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The 10 Worst Horror Films of All Time

Some movies are so scary that you never truly recover from them (like say the Sentinel); on the other hand some movies are just scary bad - so truly horrible, that you can never quite forget them either (no matter how much you may want to). Today's Halloween Top 10 list is dedicated to the absolute worst Horror films ever created. You may be curious how we separate "Least Scary" horror films from the "Worst" horror films. Here's our criteria:

• The worst horror are generally not scary but have other attributes besides that;
• Attribute 1 - truly dumb premise
• Attribute 2 - truly bad acting
• Attribute 3 - truly awful script
• Attribute 4 - generally rotten special effects
• Attribute 5 - total lack of continuity or common sense

Having said all of that, some of these films were at least, original...

Everybody loves Trolls, right? Well maybe not so much. We used to think that Trolls were the ones who took money when you want to cross the bridge - this may have prejudiced our opinions against them.

#1 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Troll & Troll 2: Rule of thumb, most horror movies made regarding trolls, elves, leprechauns and other dwarfs (real or imaginary) have been truly awful. A decent Horror film director could avoid alot of risk by skipping this genre altogether. Troll 2 is often considered to be one of the worst films ever made, although we think Birdemic gives it a good run for its money. They even made a documentary film about how bad this movie was which is high praise, sort of.

#2 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Birdemic: This movie has no redeeming qualities whatsoever; although we did eat in the Double-decker bus restaurant in Half Moon Bay where much of the movie was filmed and that was at least half-way cool.  So, anyway this film - if you can call it that - follows a Silicon Valley executive and his dim-witted girlfriend as they battle poorly rendered CG eagles who are really pissed about Global Warming or something. Lot's of clever shots of cars backing up and parking add to the suspense and action.

The entire Internet has joined together in mocking this film - unfortunately the film's producers got the wrong impression from this and are making a sequel.

#3 Worst Horror Film of All Time - The Happening: Painfully stupid, hard to watch - a waste of talent and several years after seeing it we're still not sure what it's about. Something may have happened but we really don't care what and we hope what will happen in the future is that M. Night never makes another Horror film as this is only one in about 4 awful stinkers he's dropped in a row. We think the title ought to be changed to "The Nothingening," or Not Happening.  

M Night, you really didn't make the Sixth Sense did you - that kid, Haley what's his name directed it, right?

#4 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Eyes Without a Face: We've always wondered whether Billy Idol's Eyes Without a Face hit from the 1980's was in any way linked to this cult French horror film from the 1960's. Several problems here; 1 - It's French, name one scary French movie. 2 - Oddly enough Face surgery is pretty common now - not so scary, 3 - They're all speaking French which sounds oddly not scary. 4 - Billy Idol is nowhere to be found in this film and the soundtrack sucks. Granted the girl looks a little bit like Michael Myers (from Halloween) older sister - or maybe it was the French Exchange student who stayed with them for the Summer?

Attack of the Mademoiselle ! 

 

#5 Worst Horror Film of All Time - GingerDead Man: What happens when you mix Gary Busey with flour, brown sugar and lot's of ginger and cinnamon? Well, perhaps the craziest premise for a movie ever with one of the looniest actors in Hollywood. Maybe not such a good recipe after all. It seems as though the folks who made this film did so with the deliberate intention of creating one of the stupidest movies ever - something to outrank Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and  Killer Klowns etc. This is hardly an achievement worth acknowledging except for here on lists of the worst movies ever made. Gary at least had an excuse for doing this (he fell off of his motorcycle a lot), the producers likely have no such excuse.

Talk about your junk food!

#6 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Rabid Grannies: Here's a good one word review for this movie - Yuk! We're not sure exactly what sort of repressed childhood issues the makers of the film were working out - or whether they simply wanted to transfer their psychosis to the audience.

Come here Dearheart, nana is ever so hungry.

#7 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood: Very little commentary is needed here. What do you get when you mix killer Leprechauns with Crack Cocaine ? We'll, let's just say no...

The Racial Stereotypes are hard to escape in this film - Irish people may never recover from it

#8 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Dr. Giggles: We actually paid money in a theater to see this one - we can't remember why. Anyway, we think this film did a lot to undermine our healthcare system in America and it really, really sucked.

Let's give a big hand or two to Dr. Giggles ! or not...

#9 Worst Horror Film of All Time - feardotcom: We asked the question about the Ring, what would happen if it were uploaded to Youtube? This movie just put it on a website without the proper streaming technology so it reached a relatively small number of victims who had to wait forever for the video to buffer. If an internet borne computer virus is ever capable of boring people to death it should be named after this movie.

#10 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus: We weren't sure if this movie belongs on a Horror film list but it's close enough. This movie makes no attempt to hide how bad it can be - it seems to revel in its own low budget absurdities; from reusing the same pair of sunglasses to re-purposing what seems to be a large broom closet as the set for half its locations. At the very least though they come up a with a new attraction to compete with Shamu at Sea World.

Mega Shark can catch jumbo jets in mid-air; take that Shamu!

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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The 10 Ten Least Scary Horror Movies of all Time

As promised, we're going to complement our list of the Top 10 Scariest Movies of all time with the Top 10 Least Frightening Films ever. Halloween, being the silly holiday that it is - represents a great opportunity to lampoon some of Hollywood's goofier attempts to scare folks. We have also determined that we've become temporarily obsessed with Halloween Top 10 lists so after this post we're going to create a top 10 list on the absolute worst, stupidest Horror films ever made. Enjoy...

• Number 1 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Blair Witch Project: So here's the formula; no plot, no budget, no decent cameras or actors and guess what - it's not scary - what a surprise! It's not even entertaining or interesting. The Blair Witch ought to sue for defamation of character. We wanted our money back and we're wondering how we got suckered into going in the first place. This movie launched a trend of found footage - crap horror films. Thanks a lot!

Trees, dirty walls, winter hats and black and white film aren't intrinsically scary on their own (or together for that matter).

• Number 2 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Maximum Overdrive: Stephen King is the best Horror story-teller ever hands down. What we don't understand is why the vast majority of his novels turned into huge box office stinkers like Maximum Overdrive. This movie is features killer trucks, a truck stop, killer lawnmowers and a soundtrack provided by AC-DC. How could it go wrong? It took Emilio Estevez's career decades to recover from this.

The scariest thing about this movie was Stephen King's appearance in the Trailer

• Number 3 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Did you ever have the sneaking suspicion that your spouse was a giant vegetable or perhaps an alien? Do you find Donald Sutherland's hair to be unusually disturbing? Do you feel paranoid about socialists taking over by 2016? Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions perhaps you might find this movie scary. We didn't - and ye it's safe to eat giant Eggplants.

Are you talking to me ? - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK ?

• Number 4 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Frankenstein (1931): Boris Karloff gave us the Monster Mash, but way before that he played the first Horror superstar - Frankenstein. It's hard to imagine anyone found it frightening back when it came out in the thirties as they were already making fun of it in the 1940's with Abbott and Costello. Universal Studios eventually assembled an Avengers-like ensemble of monsters with the Mummy, Dracula, the Werewolf - but it all started with Frankie. He was also the proto-zombie for all zombie flick as well. But the guy was just too nice to be scary.

Squarehead, dead-Bob ?

• Number 5 Least Scary Horror Film Ever  - The Bride of Frankenstein: Unlike zombies in today's movies, Frankie wanted to hook up with some superfreaks - perhaps it was the result of a fatal dose of Viagra, who knows. Dr. Frankenstein, wanted to make sure Frankie didn't run off with his wife so he decided to make him a playmate (well not a playmate like that). However something went wrong during the last phase of the reanimation and her perm got ruined, but she was still pretty hot (especially after being juiced with 100,000 volts of electricity). Unfortunately, she wasn't too enthused about her blind date with Frankie and things just didn't work out for them.

She's Electrifying ! - But your not the one that I want... do do do

• Number 6 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Scanners:This is the one movie that could have been cured with extra strength Excedrin. Bulging blood veins, heads exploding and an army of mental assassinations fails to make this story interesting or the least bit scary.

Scanners really blew our mind - sorry we couldn't resist

• Number 7 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Fly: Jeff Goldblum provides a whole new dimension to the term, I've got a bug in my program with this horror remake from the 1950's (the original starred Vincent Price and wasn't scary either). While entertaining and sometimes gross, the film never crossed the scary threshold except perhaps for an instant during the dream sequence scene when Gina thinks she's given birth to a giant slug.

• Number 8 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Cujo (and Pet Cemetery): So we've got Stephen King again, pets and a lot supernatural activity - but we're just not feeling it, sorry. Perhaps if they had made the films using a Pit Bull, who knows.

We're pretty sure Cujo is the same lovable dog from the Tom Hank's film Turner & Hootch

• Number 9 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Dreamcatcher: So Stephen King again, sorry Steve - and an all-star cast and aliens this time. Everything happens in Maine of course because that's where Steve places all of his stories, although we heard he lives in Sarasota now so why not any haunted yacht stories? The full-retard alien kid and the toilet and farting scenes make this perhaps one of the the grossest horror films ever but definitely not one of the scariest.

• Number 10 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Paranormal Activity: Let's see, I'll take my crap video camera and turn the lights off and on, scream lot and drop things. Ok - didn't I make this movie when I was five years old. Why aren't I getting the royalties?

Who knew CCTV could be soooooo scary? or not

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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The Top 10 Scariest Movies of All Time

It's getting closer to Halloween and what better way to celebrate than to compile a list of what we consider to be the 10 scariest movies of all time. Now, of course, there are likely to be many of who disagree with our picks but then again, there were a lot of people who actually watched Rosanne and Saved by the Bell, so there's no accounting for taste. We will complement this post by adding another post tonight with the Least Scary Horror films of all time. Please keep in mind that some of what we found scary in years past may not seem so frightening now given the advances in special effects and the fact that many novel techniques in the horror genre back then are considered standard gimmicks today.

The only thing scarier than John Carradine alive was John Carradine dead in the Sentinel

• Number 1 - Scariest Movie Ever - The Sentinel: This movie gave us nightmares for years. Moral of the story, don't buy an apartment that has a two bedrooms and a gateway to Hell. Burgess Meredith was particularly creepy in this picture - that and dead bodies and the gateway to Hell is mostly what we remember. We blocked the rest out.

• Number 2  - The Shining: Without a doubt Jack Nicholson's best performance after One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, Stephen Kings best novel and Stanley Kubrick's best film after 2001 a Space Odyssey. The kid was intensely creepy - the entire premise was great and the location perfect. This was not only one of the scariest films ever made it is one of the best movies ever.

• Number 3 Scariest Movie Ever - The Exorcist: So, we don't know why our parents thought it was OK to take us to see this when we were little kids - perhaps they wanted to make a point to tell us never to use a Ouija board. After this movie, we never ate pea soup again. Ok, we'll admit it, we never ate pea soup before either but after this movie we resolved that we'd never try it. Linda Blair was the original Blair witch and lot's scarier than that other one.

This kid ate way too many pop tarts

• Number 4 Scariest Movie Ever - Halloween: Before the 500 or 5,000 or teen slasher movies that we tend to dismiss nowadays were made we had Halloween. It was almost entirely original at the time, kind of a newer version of Psycho but much scarier. The use of the mask was pure genius - it was like the Mummy and Frankenstein all rolled into one. Jamie Lee Curtis did a great job as the heroine, more or less setting a standard for Sigourney Weaver in Alien and Linda Hamilton in the Terminator. 

That Face-Cast must have been itchy

• Number 5 Scariest Movie Ever - John Carpenters, The Thing: John Carpenter had made Halloween in 1978 and a few years later he remade an old 50's sci-fi horror film called the Thing. Oddly enough, in the original The Thing, the monster looked a lot like Jason from Halloween. Anyway, the Thing remains one of our favorite movies of all-time. The atmosphere, the characters and the groundbreaking special effects all add to the impact. He took a not so scary 50's plot and built enormous tension and suspense around it. We think this may have been Kurt Russel's best performance of his career. 

"The Thing" introduced what we believe is the first Spiderhead in American Cinema

• Number 6 Scariest Movie Ever - Dawn of the Dead (2004): Before the walkers of the Walking Dead desensitized us to extreme Zombie killing action in prime-time, Dawn of the Dead riveted us with a horrific gore fest that at the time set new boundaries for gore fests.  The magic behind this movie which unlike many other Zombie flick was in fact pretty scary was the complete realism of the plot. We got to know the characters as they first tried to hide out in that mall and then make a dash for freedom. It seems clear that this movie more than anything provided the real model for the Walking Dead (comic books can't capture the medium, just the plot-line). This show freaked us out, gave us headaches and made us contemplate our mortality.

Get out of the Bathroom!  (from Ghost Story)

• Number 7 Scariest Movie Ever - Ghost Story: What made this film so scary was the absolute spookiness of the actress playing the ghost. She was very credible as the sexy spirit that steals the heart of the young professor. Later, this same actress played queen of the Borg and was equally spooky in that role.

• Number 8 Scariest Movie Ever - Carrie: Talk about peer pressure! This movie takes a whole new approach to bullying, sex education and the Religious Right. Oddly enough all of that fits together as the same actress from Coal Miners Daughter gets her Spook on.

This year's prom theme is "Fire & Brimstone"

• Number 9 Scariest Movie Ever - The Ring: This film takes an urban legend and our general distaste for mass medium and milks for it for everything its worth. What happens when you watch a really, really bad video - well you'll find out. Anyway - technology question - what happens you upload that video onto Youtube?

Well diving is one of the few sports not yet been sanctioned by Olympic committee

• Number 10 Scariest Movie Ever - Nightmare on Elm Street: Despite the many sequels that more or less ruined the franchise, the initial film was clever, well-made and scary. The idea of the creepy janitor stalking hot kids at the high school was too good to pass up - the fact that he could do it in their dreams - well heck that is Inception 30 years ahead of time! BTW -  it's ironic that Johnny Depp starred in this and just a few years later came out with his own scissor-hands movie.

DO NOT call me Freddy Scissor Hands !

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The Worst Ideas in Cinema, Ever

1 - DW Griffith choosing to make the first real movie (The Birth of the Nation) an homage to the Klu Klux Klan - thus inventing all of this in one fell swoop:

• Propaganda films
• The Negative Ad
• 50 years of Hollywood Racial Stereotypes
• The license to rewrite History

The Klan at a Lynching party in The Birth of a Nation...

 It's a wonder Cinema ever recovered from its first feature film.

2 - Madonna appearing as a fencing instructor in the Bond flick, Die Another Day. This scene has haunted us for years.

Never Say Madonna again

3 - Movie concession stand popcorn - Yuk, it's salty toxic waste w/ fake butter on top. 

4 - Jerry Lewis, Pauly Shore, The Gipper...

We're told that this seems humorous in France...

5 - Movie Critics - seriously, what the heck do we know?

6 - Ads in Theaters - We've got TV for that. Please make this go away.

7 - Ratings and Censors - It's not clear that these ever worked and we still haven't figured out what the difference between PG and PG-13 is.

8 - Credits that roll before the movie begins - Why do they deserve credit at that point?

9 - Flash-Backs with the same actor made to look ridiculously young - This is almost always embarrassing.

10 - Extreme Close Ups - no one deserves that - not the actors nor the audience.

Why does zooming in make something scarier?

11 - Copycat Movies - Remember when Sudden Impact and Armageddon came out within weeks of each other? How could studios have ever thought that competing for the exact same idea at the exact same time was clever?

12 - Teen Musicals - from Mickey Rooney to High School Musical, the outcome is always likely to be the same.

Let's have a show!

13 - The Floating Shot - A signature gimmick from director Spike Lee, we still don't get it.

14 - Blacklisting - not cool, really (and neither was Nixon).

15 - Jar Jar Binx - The racist animation that would have seemed at home in D.W. Griffiths, The Birth of a Nation.

Need we say more?

16 - The Expendables - turning being a has-been into a marketing gimmick. Only Stallone could have thought of that.

17 - Just about anything from David Lynch.

18 - Swedish films in general.

Any wonder they picked this guy to play Ming the Merciless in Flash Gordon?

19 - Caged women movies - Prison movies are peculiar genre; this offshoot focusing on women in prison is goofiest part of that genre.

20 - Adding "Drug Lord" anywhere in the synposis caption of the movie description. A recent survey of movies listed on Showtime and Encore channels showed 32% of the movies playing contained the the term "Drug Lord" in their description.

21 - The Celebrity Cameo - Feeding already over-inflated egos to the breaking point.

Mr. Fellini on a bad makeup day...

22 - Fellini - Ok, we had to watch him in film appreciation 101 - but what the hell was this guy thinking?

23 - Product Placement - Maybe this was inevitable, but we don't have to like it.

What's worse than Wayne's World  - this...

24 - Bad Accents - Why can't Hollywood hire actors with the right language skills (or accents) for the role?

25 - British Accents for Romans, Nazis and Aliens - Why does everyone sound like they came out of a English boarding school? Why don't Romans sound Italian? It's just weird.

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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The Velvet Elvis

We don't just review movies and television shows on this blog. On occasion, when we are so moved, we'll review just about anything. Last year we explored Las Vegas to find the World's Tallest Milkshake and today we are going to take you to the tiny town of Patagonia, Arizona to find some of the best pizza in the country. First of all, it's probably worth noting the peculiar cultural sub currents behind the name of the restaurant. While there may be a couple of Velvet Elvis paintings in the restaurant, it isn't by any means a shrine to the King. (nor are they're any velvet paintings of dogs playing poker, at least not that we remember).

We aren't the only ones who like their pizza...

So the implication of what a 'Velvet Elvis' represents is kind of cultural throwback, a sort of Hillbilly homage or perhaps Spencer's Gifts attempt at home decor. It is emblematic of a variety of eclectic tastes associated with 20th Century Americana and in the case of this restaurant it gives the owner license to create pizzas and an atmosphere a bit out of the ordinary.

How did we hear about it? Well, we were traveling/staying in the area and it was a word of mouth recommendation.  We didn't know how far away it was from where we were (or everything else for that matter) but we boldly trekked across the rugged Southwest Arizona landscape to find it. And it's about 30 miles from anywhere, but that doesn't mean the drive isn't interesting. Patagonia is nestled in the Mountains in he high Sonoran desert in between Sierra Vista and Nogales. It is very close to a little town called Elgin which happens to have some of the best wineries in Arizona and those wineries are surprisingly good.

Patagonia is also near a variety of nature-related destinations and is just twenty miles north of the Mexican border so expect to pass through Border Patrol checkpoints on your way back North (towards Tuscon or Interstate 10). The restaurant is also not too far from the tourist locations of Tombstone and Bisbee, Arizona (on route 80). Tombstone is a great tourist locale - lot's of locals dressed up like its the 1880's wearing guns (real ones) and Bisbee is a kind of alternative destination - part hippie hang out and part historic mining town. 

It's a pizza pie - fresh organic and fairly unique

The pizza itself at the Elvis is amazing - sporting a type of whole wheat crust that doesn't taste at all like whole wheat. There are a variety of gourmet pizza varieties to choose from - "Designer Pizzas" - including El Mariachi and Tuco's Revenge (not sure if that's a reference to Breaking Bad as we haven't visited the Elvis since 2009). They've also got a lot of interesting desserts, salads and more. So next time you're within 100 miles of the place check it out.

Tuco says, if I were still alive 'd be eating pizza at the Elvis

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Argo and The Sci-Fi Revolution

Where were you when the American hostages were taken in Iran? Well, we don't remember either and perhaps many of you hadn't been born yet. It was kind of a big deal. What we do remember very well is Star Wars and Close Encounters of the Third Kind and how the end of the seventies gave birth to a science fiction revolution which had been prematurely aborted somewhere around 1973 and that's still going strong today. We do seem to recall the yellow ribbons and Ted Koppel on Nightline.    

We (well most of us) had never heard of Ayatollahs before 1979

Argo marks Ben Affleck's first major foray into directing and also gave him an opportunity to showcase and older, perhaps wiser version of his typical leading man role. It's hard not to recall Armageddon and Pearl Harbor and cringe at how stiff and silly he looked back then as leading man. And who can forget Ben-Lo (the brief pairing of Ben with Jennifer Lopez)? But remarkably this movie did help us forget the past - except for the past being featured in the plot. And what of that; did Ben get the story right? We think he did get it and even did so in a balanced fashion - providing lot's of interesting insights as well as both sides of of the story to some extent. Although as the movie progressed and the tension built up, the Revolutionary Guard become ever more two-dimensional bad guy villains.

This movie was interesting not merely because of the history it told - e.g. the 6 hostages who had escaped and who were spirited out of the country in a daring, yet secret CIA rescue - it was interesting in that it was Science Fiction that helped save those six diplomats. Imagine that.

Inside Argo (making the movie about pretending to make a movie)

So, the movie within a movie is a little like Inception of course but this is based on reality. Why did the Iranians let these guy go? Well, most of the movie gets wrapped around the clock-ticking tension as to whether or not they get on the plane before the revolutionaries get wise as to what's going on - but the pivotal scene of the movie is when the refugees break out their storyboards in Customs and begin explaining to the guards what the movie they're making is all about. And then, we begin to see the universal appeal of Science Fiction as a story-telling mechanism that transcends cultures. The guards while listening to the plot and looking at the drawings can't help but to identify with parts of the story and want to become a part of something a little bit larger than life and in doing so let the refugees escape (of course the guards did end up making history that but not the way they figured).

Ben made some very wise casting choices with Bryan (Breaking Bad) Cranston, John Goodman and Alan Arkin. These three actors may very be the best three character actors alive in Hollywood today - they each have the unique ability to take just about any material given to them and make it memorable. Last night night in the presidential debate we kept hearing about "Tumult in the Middle East" - we'll that's nothing new. However, telling the individual stories that occur within that tumult doesn't always happen and we're glad Ben took the time to tell this one.

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Prometheus, Unplugged

So, early this Summer while on a vacation we went to go see Prometheus. Lucky for us because the place we were visiting had it playing in 3-D IMAX with surround sound. We had been looking forward to the film for several reasons:

1. We're geeks.
2. We like just about everything Ridley Scott does, perhaps with the exception of Robin Hood. 
3. We liked the original Alien, as opposed to  most of the sequels. 
4. We like special effects. 

Anyway, it seemed as though Prometheus was going to to score big in all of these areas. We went - we saw - we said "Awesome." Now - there's been some criticism about the movie but we think most of that criticism derived from not having watched it in 3-D IMAX with surround sound. There were some weak areas to the plot and a lot of unanswered questions but then again, most science fiction classics aren't immediately appreciated or completely thorough.

  

3-D IMAX Rocks... 

The critics are so picky sometimes though (not that we ever are)  - OK there were some lame characters here and there - for example Geologist and the scientist boyfriend. And there were some holes in the plot, although we're kind of hoping there is a prequel to the prequel to iron those out. To get a comprehensive list of the perceived flaws of the film check out the following spoof trailer...

A bit too critical perhaps? Genius is subtle folks, deal with it.

We were impressed with much of the cast, especially Guy Pearce, Michael Fassbender and Charlize Theron. Without a doubt though Michael Fassbender stole much of the movie with his creepy yet fascinating portrayal of the science android David. The enigmatic Engineers are still a bit of a mystery though, we're not sure why they were so intent on reversing their science project on Earth. But overall this movie is more about atmosphere than specifics, which makes it a lot like the first Alien in our opinion and maybe even a little like John Carpenter's the Thing.

Another fun aspect of this film for us anyway was its innovative use of viral marketing with clips like the one below (which cannot be found int he movie itself but are still online and will of course be included with the DVD and Blu-ray release of the film)...

Move over Bill Gates - Peter Weyland has the biggest ego of them all.

We did notice a striking resemblance between the aliens (the engineer aliens anyway) in this film and the main character in the oddball movie 'Powder" from 1996. All in all we recommend seeing this film if you get a chance, maybe it will grow on you - but hopefully not in you.

This guy was way A Head of his time...

 

 

 

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You Say you want a Hairvolution, well you know...

Back to the Halloween madness and the scariest thing in Hollywood next to Mad Mel's talking Beaver, Nicholas Cage's Hair. We'll start this post with a tribute to the many manifestations of Mr. Cage's follicles...

Man of a thousand wigs?

So let's talk a little bit about the enigmatic Mr. Cage. First of all for those who don't know, Nick Cage isn't his real name. His actual name is Nicholas Kim Copolla and he is the nephew of acclaimed Godfather director Francis Ford Copolla. He has been married to some interesting people as well (3 so far) including the daughter of Elvis Presley - who oddly enough he has imitated in nearly a dozen movie roles over the years. He is one of Hollywood's most prolific actors with several dozen credits to his name. Yet despite making millions he somehow managed not to pay his taxes and has now joined the Wesley Snipes 'back taxes are eating my lunch' club.

Remember when the Japanese had money - Nick's got the fever x3

None of the previous exposition seems to answer the burning question - why does Nick seem compelled to do something crazy with his hair in nearly every movie he stars in? We're going to take a time warp back to the Age of Aquarius to try to understand his motivation...

The 1970's was like the Hair Club for everyone...

So maybe, Nick's inner Hippie just wants to be free to express itself through hair - long, short, receding, greasy, curly, straight, hair hair, or something like that. Although there is a darker theory, one that allows us to include this post as part of our Halloween 2012 marathon - Nicholas Cage is an American Vampire...

This explains a lot, the hair, his not being worried about taxes and his Elvis southern accent fetish.

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Rejected One Liners

What would Hollywood be without those ever-so-clever one liners that forever stick in minds - such phrases as:

• "Make my day"
• "I'll be back"
• "Kiss my Grits"
• "Yippe Cay Yah, M....."

Well, for every successful one liner, there are many, many also-rans - those quips that simply didn't make the grade. We searched through our extensive archives to find some of the one liners that got rejected along the way:

• From Prometheus - after the impromptu self C-section "Now that's what I call family planning!"

How to get "a Head" in Alien hunting... 

• From Last of the Mohicans - "Hey Hawkeye, those white chicks are High Maintenance."

• From Titanic "Can I get my ticket Refunded?" and "Hey, don't be too critical everything shrinks in near-freezing water."

• From the Terminator - "Follow me if you want to find a really great bargain at Target."

• From 300 - "Why did we leave all of our clothes back in Sparta, it's freakin' cold out here?"

• From Argo - "The Ayatollah don't like Pepsi Cola." 

• From Skyfall - "Q, where's my Ipad?"

 The most depressing Bond song ever - we just want to cry...

• From Looper - "This is how our self-employment gets terminated."

• From Total Recall (the remake) - "My wife looks great in her underworld."

• From Blade Runner - "All these memories will vanish like Prince after Purple rain."

• From Gladiator - "Unleash much unpleasantness." 

Why farmers shouldn't make movies 

• From the Unforgiven - "Hey Clint, why did you shoot that empty chair?"

• From Twilight (pick any) - "It's called Vampire Psoriasis, not sparkly skin."

• From The Godfather - "Fredo, why are you wearing Strawberry lip gloss?"

• From Contact: "I can't believe they called collect."

• From Silence of the Lambs - "I have binders full of women in my files Clarisse, binders full..."

• From Frankenstein - "Heineken good, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition good..."

• From Independence Day - "We know our virus will work, the mothership is running Windows 95."

The "Sweded" version of Independence Day...

• From Godzilla - "He was hatched at Fukishima just last year..."

• From Hamlet - "To be or not to be - is that a rhetorical question, cause I'm just not getting it Yorick, and BTW did you go a diet?"

• From Soylent Green - "Those weren't made by Keebler Elves, they are Keebler Elves!"

• From Planet of the Apes - "Get your hands on me, you damn sexy ape."

• From Miami Vice (the movie) - "Why are we even doing this without Phil Collins?"

• From  The Wizard of Oz - "Dorothy, let's play Twister, let's play Risk"

• From The Poseidon Adventure - "How did Shamu get on this boat anyway?"

• From the Marathon Man - "You haven't been flossing, have you?"

• From Midnight Cowboy - "Hey, I'm washing there - that's my machine."

• From ET - "ET, texting home, LoL #earth sucks"

• From the Dark Knight Rises - "I'm Scatman, Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop." 

• From the Mary Poppins - "Yes, children I'm getting high, but please don't follow my example."

• From Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid - "I think we should reconsider Gun  Control."

• From AI - "I'm David, not that Nazi android freak from Prometheus."

• From The Bridge on the River Kwai - "I'm never riding the subway again."

• From 1984 - "Now this is what I'd call Big Government."

• From the Shining - "Bedbugs, Bedbugs, Bedbugs."

• From Logan's Run - "What a drag it is getting old."

• From Bonnie & Clyde  - "Hey, you missed a spot."

• From Avatar - "It's clean coal and natural gas - it's good for your environment."

• From Rambo, First Blood - "All wanted was a slushy, a hot dog and some nachos, why did they have to push me."

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