Well, Halloween may be over, but yesterday's remarkable news about Disney buying LucasFilms gives us an opportunity to spring another top 10 list on you. Today, we're going to explore how the Star Wars legacy ought to be continued. Some might say that we need Mr. Lucas, the man who started it all for it to be legitimate, but we disagree. Star Wars is likely to become a bit more like Star Trek in that it is now a multi-generational affair - where every 10 years or so the franchise gets expanded or re-imagined a bit. There is no shortage of directions it might be steered; one of our personal favorites is the notion that perhaps parts of Asimov's Foundation series could be mixed into the larger Star Wars Universe of tales (although Roland Emmerich bought the rights to Foundation several ago, nothing has been done yet). Who hasn't watched the magnificently computer-modeled Coruscant and not thought of Trantor? Perhaps it may be best to keep these alternate realities separate; who's to say how many galactic republic turned empire story-lines we could support?
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| Star Wars merged with the Foundation Trilogy? Probably not. |
That still leaves us without a premise to launch the next generation of Star Wars films, so we're going to propose our top ten recommendations for new episodes that may fit well within the Disney pantheon of characters below:
- Episode 7 - The Ewok Menace: The unsuspecting and cuddly Ewoks suffer as fall-out from the exploded Death Star leads to strange ailments and behaviors among them. Eventually, they grow (more) menacing fangs and develop a thirst for blood and power, but still remain cute. The Ewoks turn to the dark side and threaten the newly formed rebel republic.
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| For those of you who thought the original episodes were cloaked in integrity, remember this? |
- Episode 8 - Jar Jar's Revenge: Jar Jar Binx catapulted to power in episodes 1-3, and was almost single-highhandedly responsible for plunging the Republic into war. He was the G.W. Bush of his time with Darth Cheney in the background pulling the strings. But what happened after the empire took over? Jar Jar became a shrewd and ruthless politician who sought out and destroyed the rebels (the formers friends who had mocked him). He also targeted all of the other cute and cuddly characters that had proved more lovable and less offensive than himself - Jar Jar puts an end to the Ewok Menace.
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| Despite many scandals with college interns, nothing stopped Jar Jar's rise to power |
- Episode 9 - Hope and Change: Many politicians vie for the chancellor's seat, including Jar Jar. Yet none of them proves to be that different from the others and despite their calls for reform, the Republic sinks deeper into an Imperial system. This is the beginning of the "Drone Wars."
- Episode -1 The Umpire Strikes Out: Baseball is banned in the Republic after a lot of very questionable calls are made. The Jedi take over officiating for all other professional sports in the Galaxy.
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| Mickey-wan was defeated in Episode -2, right? |
- Episode -2 Return of the Rat: Mickey-wan-Mousey is the one - the one who will bring balance to the force - except that there is much fear in him. He sees - cats - coming from all directions and all the powers he has learned to harness are now turning against him. Master Yoda is forced to lure him into a giant trap, baited with peanut butter. The Rat is defeated, but not before fighting an epic battle with the muppets.
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| Yoda's family reunion. |
- Episode -3 The Jedi's Apprentice: A rodent with an extraordinary level of miti-clorians in its blood is found by the found by the Jedi and raised by master Yoda. This Rodent is known as Mickey-wan-Mousey.
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| May the force by with you - as you wait in line for Space Mountain |
- Episode Emc2 - The Return of Einstein's Brain: Children on Tatooine come across Einstein's brain and bring it to their biology class to use in an experiment. They place the brain in a droid but something goes terribly awry and the new super-brilliant droid, known as EMC2 - launches a Spartacus-like droid rebellion only to be later defeated by Jar Jar Binx.
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| He is almost as cute as an Ewok |
- Episode Chapter 11 - The Insolvency: LucasFilms without Lucas is like an ocean without water - or maybe a desert without sand or perhaps even Abbott without Costello. At any rate, Disney forgot to read the fine print where Lucas kept all the merchandising rights and the rest is, history...
- Episode W-D 40 - Attack of the Rust: C3PO and R2D2 end up in an assisted living facility for droids, but the all they get is a steady diet of used oil which gums up their works and slows them down. Nurse Rivets has it in for them but finally they manage to escape after Chewbaca (who is in the facility with them for some unknown reason) throws a refrigerator through the window. This all sounds like its happened before - in galaxy far, far away.
- Episode 1972 - It's a Small Universe: Luke Skywalker is transported back to the early 1970's on Earth where becomes a Disney Imagineer and creates theme-park rides for DisneyWorld. After coming up with "It's a Small World" he is fired.
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| These dolls were in some horror film, right? or was that just the ride, or the music? |
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