The Spartacus Awards

The tale of Spartacus and his slave rebellion against Rome never seems to get old. The 1963 version of the movie about him propelled Kirk Douglas into super-stardom. The new Starz series (there are about 4 of them now) about Spartacus have decided to take a unique approach to telling the tale however; one that focuses on the shock and awe of life in Rome circa 75 B.C. Starz has taken the movie Gladiator, added some 300 and mixed in some of HBO's Rome for good measure. All this has been used to "spice up" the old story a bit. Well, it is so spicy we're thinking that it has broken new ground in a number areas for television (even for a cable network). For that reason, we've decided to put together an awards tribute for these shows - it's called the Spartacus Awards because we're pretty sure that they're aren't many other shows that could even compete in these categories...

The new Spartacus (the original actor from season 1 passed away)
Our award categories are as follows:
  • Best Blood Gushers - Slow-mo shots of blood gushing out of wounds (mainly inflicted by Spartacus).
  • Best Blood Splattering - It's almost poetic the way they do it on this show; there's a lot of love put into it. 
  • Best Sword Through the Head - (actually The Walking Dead season 3 could compete in this category if we included machetes, samurai swords and garden tools) 
  • Most Gratuitous use of Male Frontal Nudity - And the bigger the better seems to be their motto.
  • Most Annoying use of Accurate Latin Grammar - So, Latin doesn't use definite or indefinite articles (the for example) - ok we get it already.
  • Best Roman Orgies - No contest here.
  • Most creative use of the words Cock and Cunt - The shows must have a rule that one or both words are used several times in every episode. It can be quite challenging to find ways to insert this language into nearly any type of scene. 
  • Best Entrail Spilling - And we thought the Japanese and King Henry VIII had this market cornered...
  • Best Gladiator Music - We've included an example below. 
  • Least use of Wardrobe - The Spartacus series certainly qualifies as Green. There must be relatively little laundry to do given the sparse amount of attire employed.
  • Most evil Roman Bitches - There's several who jockey from season to season for the top spot.
  • Best Trident Impaling - The groin area is especially popular.
  • Best Slave Humping - It's seems as though this is all the Romans ever did.
  • Best Whorehouse Massacre - Worthy of its own movie.

Spartacus Vengeance - a new lead but lot's of the same action

Best Gladiator Music award

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