Centurion Mugs Gladiator, Film at 11

Our holiday was quite enjoyable - even more so considering that one of our presents was a new Netflix subscription. Now we've still got our DirectTV subscription but we finally have true Video on Demand - after only twenty five years of waiting !

We celebrated this remarkable and earth-shattering event by watching several newer releases last night including last year's Centurion. We must admit that one of the reasons we chose it was due to the action-packed trailer which reminded us a bit of the first sequence in 1999's Gladiator with Russell "I'm not Mel Gibson" Crowe.

The best position for receiving an ambush is to
stay right in the middle of a sunken road

Little did we know how far those similarities would extend. Calling this movie a rip off isn't fair to most rip-offs, it was almost a clone. Let's examine this movie's genetic structure and compare it to Gladiator:

• Both films begin in the cold barbarian north with a Roman Legion.
• Both films have a young-looking bearded general.
• Both films sport a fireball attack.
  
• Both films have a gladiator in it.
• Both films involve a roman being captured.
• Both films have token ethnic slaves / soldiers.
• Both films have lot's of head smashing and head severing.

Now there are some important differences, including:

• The tongueless she devil tracker babe in Centurion.
• The father-son bonding issues in Gladiator.
• The cross-country Braveheart style Highland running in Centurion.
• Actual gladiatorial combat in Gladiator (as opposed to arm-wrestling in Centurion).
• A Scottish Witch (if you don't count Maximus' scar-faced assistant).
• The Butch & Sundance ripoff cliff-dive in Centurion.
• The 300-esque computer animated blood splashes in Centurion.
  

In fact, the romans and pagans battling in Centurion seemed so eager to bleed that the red stuff was spewing a split second before they were cut, slashed, gouged, skewered (and yes some folks got skewered) and hacked. It was a bloody mess, literally but then so was the script, the premise, the outcome and all of the characters and their lame acting. The bleeders and decapitated corpses provided the most convincing performances. After you're done with this one you'll be looking for a transfusion and making sure never to travel to Northern England (which appears much like the North Pole in this flik).

Are you not entertained ?, We'll no, not really, we're not
- but the metal middle finger is a nice touch.

Yes, we know we said we were going to do a worst hairstyles in Hollywood post, but in our extensive research we've realized that one actor, Nicolas Cage, owns nearly half of the sum total of Hollywood bad hair. So our bad hair post will be dedicated to a man whose taste knows no bounds (a better premise for the movie Knowing than the one in that awful film).

Copyright 2010, Raving Reviews

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