The 2012 Guide to Negative Political Ads

The presidential election season is upon us and we'd like to dedicate an article to one of the most important foundations of Democracy - The Negative Political Advertisement. Negative Ads have been with us since the beginning and provide voters with exactly as much information as they need to know - in short they represent both our heritage and the primary mechanism for conveying political knowledge. But there is a problem - Negative Ads aren't always done properly and when that happens, chaos follows.

Negative Ads are as American as Ground Beef

We'd like to take a few moments and provide a guide for producing more effective political ads - we'll start with the basics... The Negative Political Ad typically consists of the following elements:

1. An illogical argument.
2. An unsupported personal attack on your opponent.
3. Disturbing imagery or music or both (both is preferred).
4. An emotional plea targeted at unrelated issues so as to somewhat distract the true intent or agenda of the sponsor of the Ad.
5. A good catchphrase or slogan that people can remember.

Now, we must ask ourselves, why do these ads work so well?

• Because politics is supposed to be easy - so making it easy makes people happy.
• Because it is easier to get mad at something than to support something.
• Because politics is entertainment and people love to be entertained - the more sensational - the better.
• Because ad space and attention spans are short.
  
• Because no one running for office wants you to know what they really support or who they might work for - so focusing on the opponent is rather helpful.
  

Let's look at an example TV ad and rate it based the core guidelines listed above.

A Typical Negative Ad

Point 1 - The argument is not logical, good - in this case there doesn't even seem to be one.
Point 2 - It is an unsupported personal attack.
Point 3 - Lot's of disturbing imagery, sound effects. The cadaver model is especially effective.
Point 4 - It's emotional and unrelated to running for Congress - good.
Point 5 - Good catchphrase "He just can't be trusted."

Overall rating = A-

But of course that ad was pretty timid in some respects. We feel that the best negative ads are those which go to extremes. Check out the following video which recreates some historically profound dirty ad campaigns:

Who said the Founding Father's were nice guys?

We have left out an important element though that is often critical in developing exceptional negative ads - creative use of farm animals. There are few technique as effective as using pigs, sheep and monkeys when developing your political ad. For example, if you can't find a wretched photo of your opponent - substitute it with an orangutan. Check out of the following example of the farm animal technique in action.

Don't be messing with these silent lambs...

Last but least, there are times when negative ads can be mixed with a positive political message - while we don't recommend this it sometimes works - check out the following example.

If only more politicians would admit they are monsters...

Just remember - if someone can't explain to you in 30 seconds why his opponent is a jerk, he has no business holding office.


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Read More

Source Code triggers the Blue Screen of Death

There's nothing more exciting than watching the same people do the same thing over and over and over again, right? That's why bowling is such a big hit on TV and why people love putting those repetitive motion screen savers on their desktop. But what if it wasn't exactly the same thing but just mostly the same thing - would the changes impact the future - would they result in the birth of a parallel universe - would they help us finally get Jerry Springer off the air? Who Knows.

We were however thinking of all this while we watched the new Jake Gyllenhaal movie Source Code. We were also thinking he'd make a lousy detective if he had to get killed about 9 times before discovering anything meaningful in an investigation. We were also wondering why a would-be terrorist would blow up a train just before nuking the entire city where that train would be traveling through - why not just let the atomic bomb take care of both the city and the train. It was obvious though that we think entirely too much for Hollywood's tastes.

The little bomb had to be on the train so Jake could stop the nuke, get it? We also needed the time to watch his character unravel and gradually work towards the movie's punchline - let's just say Jake is half the man we thought he was.

What if you had to live this day over and over and over again - what if the Groundhog blew up instead of seeing its shadow?

The 'time travel to the past leads to paradox, possible correction and parallel universe creation' theme is becoming a bit of a cliche these days - check the Terminator series as another popular example of this growing sub-genre of Science Fiction. We were definitely grateful that Jake didn't bring along with him the wacky British accent he sported in Prince of Persia, although he did retain the razor stubble. As such movies go this one wasn't altogether bad - it just didn't seem as new or exciting as it might have otherwise been given a better script. And there were some aspects of the movie that we found a bit silly, most notably the evil professor guy with cane. His performance seem destined to land him a spot in the cartoon hall of fame.

Was Microsoft involved in suppressing this ad, did they help build the 'Way Back machine' seen in the movie Source Code, we may never know.

Ultimately, both the plot device and alleged Air Force technology came crashing down as the movie sank into further cliches and the inevitable happy ending or Blue Screen of Death that marks the final moments of a failed concept. Stephen Hawking said it best; "“I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image."

Well maybe the quote didn't have much to do with the movie - but our expectations on this film certainly crashed after suffering many fatal errors and we doubt the concept can ever be rebooted.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Read More

Botox and the Zombie Apocalypse

We at Raving Reviews have uncovered a staggering revelation. We've discovered the source of the coming Zombie Apocalypse - we found it in Hollywood and the source of the undead pandemic can be traced back to patient zero: Joan Rivers.

The Zombie Apocalypse will be the direct result of celebrity Botox abuse. Joan Rivers is patient zero - in fact we have found out that she had already crossed over to the ranks of the undead years ago (we're working with a team of world renowned forensic anthropologists to determine the exact date).

Joan Rivers is Patient / Zombie Zero

How did we make such a staggering discovery? Last year Raving Reviews opened our own research institute to tackle the challenges that traditional science has dared not address. We call this institute, RavingLabs™ .

Behind the scenes at the launch of RavingLabs™

Uncovering the source of the coming Zombie Apocalypse is not our only project currently underway at RavingLabs; we've launched a full slate of earth-shattering initiatives based upon the following rigorously evaluated questions or observations:

• Dark Matter as a concept is invalid without a better understanding of "the Force."
• Why isn't the Universe slowing down after getting so old?
  
• Multivitamins when combined with fluoride causes Vamparism.
• Cat food is responsible for the growing feline obesity epidemic.
  
• Why is Gravity such a drag?
• Will mixing seafood and oil spills lead to better barbecues?
• Is the Fukushima diet the best approach for rapid weight loss?
• Did Sarah Palin steal Dan Quayle's brain?
• Will global warming lead to better surfing conditions?
  

Some of our research is classified however - so we won't talk about it, no matter how much we might want to... Now back to the Zombies & Botox. What is Botox - Botox is the plague - the same plague that almost wiped out humanity many times before. It is bacteria - but it has become self-aware, intelligent and deviant. Botox planned it's invasion...

In this R-rate explanation - we begin to see how Botox has first lured us into its evil trap and then transformed us into - monsters...

So, you might be asking yourselves - what can we expect from the Zombie Apocalypse? Well, it will be somewhat like Joan Rivers; it will be everywhere, it will be painful and horrifying to behold. It is a shame that the rest of the world must pay such a costly sacrifice to the vanities of Hollywood - if only they had been content with plastic surgery...

This is what the Botox Zombie Apocalypse will look like...

Maybe if we could convince Skynet to attack the Zombies...


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

Read More