Dayton, Ohio is the birthplace of aviation. Over the past few years though Dayton was especially hard hit by the Great Recession and thousands of homes were foreclosed on and demolished. Many of the homes being torn down were historic and some were even located not too far from where the Wright Brothers lived and worked in West Dayton. We came across a time capsule in the ruins of one of those homes and discovered some very interesting things - among them were several top ten lists. Keep in mind that the folks who wrote the lists seemed to have been somewhat disgruntled former neighbors of the Wright's Bicycle Shop who simply didn't understand what the Wright Brothers were up to.
Why Mankind Should Never Fly:
Reason # 1 - There are too many birds and they will likely fly into you or want to mate with you.
Reason # 2 - It will anger the angels, who more or less have a monopoly on flying.
Reason # 3 - Once lifting off of the earth what's to stop you from floating to the moon?
Reason # 4 - Because feathers are really itchy and probably none too sanitary.
Reason # 5 - Because we'd look too much like vampires and no one will ever think they're cool or sexy.
Reason # 6 - Because steam engines are just too damn heavy and would make too many clouds.
Reason # 7 - Look what happened to Icarus, duh...
Reason # 8 - Because someday people will invent the TSA and they will want to touch your junk and look at you naked with their x-ray machines.
Reason # 9 - Because the occupation of Stewardess may set back women's rights for decades as airlines might force them to where sexy uniforms and bend over a lot.
Reason #10 - Because someone might make a movie called Flight with Denzel Washington as a stoned, drunken airline pilot who flips his plane and drinks Bud while driving.
It's amazing how insightful these folks were back in 1902...
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| This is where the airplane was invented |
Reason # 1 - There are too many birds and they will likely fly into you or want to mate with you.
Does this mean that everyone working for this airline is a Virgin?
Reason # 2 - It will anger the angels, who more or less have a monopoly on flying.
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| This is a rare photo of Lance Armstrong's great-grandfather - who pioneered bike race cheating |
Reason # 3 - Once lifting off of the earth what's to stop you from floating to the moon?
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| This is Lance Armstrong's grandfather following in the family tradition |
Reason # 4 - Because feathers are really itchy and probably none too sanitary.
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| Don't touch that, it might have diseases ! |
Reason # 5 - Because we'd look too much like vampires and no one will ever think they're cool or sexy.
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| Dracula was an avid hang-glider hobbyist |
Reason # 6 - Because steam engines are just too damn heavy and would make too many clouds.
Reason # 7 - Look what happened to Icarus, duh...
Proof that men (and women too of course) weren't meant to fly
Reason # 9 - Because the occupation of Stewardess may set back women's rights for decades as airlines might force them to where sexy uniforms and bend over a lot.
Come fly with us as we wear these silly outfits
Reason #10 - Because someone might make a movie called Flight with Denzel Washington as a stoned, drunken airline pilot who flips his plane and drinks Bud while driving.
It's amazing how insightful these folks were back in 1902...
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