The holidays are a hectic time, what with Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Cyber Monday piled almost atop one another. On top of that, we're supposed to decorate the house in between all this bargain hunting madness. Sometimes when we don't have enough time to think through our decorating choices, mistakes might be made. Today's post is meant to provide some guidelines that will help avoid some of the more common decorating faux pas's.
Christmas Tree Decoration No-No's:
- Shrunken Head ornaments - We're not trying to make any cultural statements here; headhunters deserve to celebrate the holidays too, but the real reason this doesn't work is that when you put sparkles in their hair the heads look too much like Lady Gaga, which is a bit disturbing for any holiday.
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| This guy is under the Mistletoe |
- Birth Control or other Adult Devices - Sure it seemed like a good idea after you drank a quart of hard eggnog, but there's a difference between 'family planning' and 'family friendly.'
- Live Parakeets - They look pretty, but the birds tend to get grouchy after being tied to the tree all day and of course they'll poop on the presents.
- Movie Popcorn - Decorating the Christmas tree with popcorn has long been an American tradition (although we have no idea why, except the perhaps cotton candy is too sticky). Anyway, never use movie theater popcorn as it is made out of toxic waste. It will dissolve real trees within 24 hours and plastic ones with 72 hours.
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| Would you like your toxic snack covered in a river of Cholesterol coated with salt? |
- Prescription and non-Prescription drugs (bottles or pills) - It may be a good way to put expired medicine to good use and let's face it - some of those pills are quite colorful. However it may send the wrong message.
- Knives, Needles, Throwing Stars, Surgical Instruments - Yes, they're sparkly and shiny, but not kid friendly.
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| An attempt to do parakeets on a tree... |
- Crime Scene Photos and Evidence Bags - These can be colorful but again may send the wrong message. May be suitable for ex-cast members of one of the many CSI franchises.
Outdoor Decorations you may wish to Avoid:
- Inflatable Scud Missiles - For the mother of all yard displays.
- Wicker Man Bonfire (complete with effigy of Nick Cage) - The royalties on this item will further complicate Cage's back taxes.
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| Wicker man in our neighborhood last Christmas |
- Glow in the Dark Nuclear Waste Barrels - If you live close to a Superfund site these are remarkably inexpensive to procure and save big-time on electricity. Many neighbors though get irritated once the tumors begin to show up.
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| Avatars are in the Christmas spirit all year long |
- Avatars dressed as Elves - We actually think this is probably ok except that it kind of gives away the plot for the sequel and James Cameron might sue you.
- Stonehenge Replica complete with Druid Priests - This is often combined with the Wicker Man sacrifice. The stones may fall over on small children though, so not so family friendly.
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| Druids are often mistaken for Klu Klux Klan - thus proving problematic for urban settings |
Druids have lousy holiday music
- Wax replicas of you and your family with speaker systems inside - The idea of recording holiday greetings and repeating them all night every night certainly might save you a lot of visiting - although neighbors may eventually use the statues for target practice.
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