As promised, we're going to complement our list of the Top 10 Scariest Movies of all time with the Top 10 Least Frightening Films ever. Halloween, being the silly holiday that it is - represents a great opportunity to lampoon some of Hollywood's goofier attempts to scare folks. We have also determined that we've become temporarily obsessed with Halloween Top 10 lists so after this post we're going to create a top 10 list on the absolute worst, stupidest Horror films ever made. Enjoy...
Number 1 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Blair Witch Project: So here's the formula; no plot, no budget, no decent cameras or actors and guess what - it's not scary - what a surprise! It's not even entertaining or interesting. The Blair Witch ought to sue for defamation of character. We wanted our money back and we're wondering how we got suckered into going in the first place. This movie launched a trend of found footage - crap horror films. Thanks a lot!
Trees, dirty walls, winter hats and black and white film aren't intrinsically scary on their own (or together for that matter).
Number 2 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Maximum Overdrive: Stephen King is the best Horror story-teller ever hands down. What we don't understand is why the vast majority of his novels turned into huge box office stinkers like Maximum Overdrive. This movie is features killer trucks, a truck stop, killer lawnmowers and a soundtrack provided by AC-DC. How could it go wrong? It took Emilio Estevez's career decades to recover from this.
The scariest thing about this movie was Stephen King's appearance in the Trailer
Number 3 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Did you ever have the sneaking suspicion that your spouse was a giant vegetable or perhaps an alien? Do you find Donald Sutherland's hair to be unusually disturbing? Do you feel paranoid about socialists taking over by 2016? Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions perhaps you might find this movie scary. We didn't - and ye it's safe to eat giant Eggplants.
Are you talking to me ? - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK ?
Number 4 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Frankenstein (1931): Boris Karloff gave us the Monster Mash, but way before that he played the first Horror superstar - Frankenstein. It's hard to imagine anyone found it frightening back when it came out in the thirties as they were already making fun of it in the 1940's with Abbott and Costello. Universal Studios eventually assembled an Avengers-like ensemble of monsters with the Mummy, Dracula, the Werewolf - but it all started with Frankie. He was also the proto-zombie for all zombie flick as well. But the guy was just too nice to be scary.
Squarehead, dead-Bob ?
Number 5 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Bride of Frankenstein: Unlike zombies in today's movies, Frankie wanted to hook up with some superfreaks - perhaps it was the result of a fatal dose of Viagra, who knows. Dr. Frankenstein, wanted to make sure Frankie didn't run off with his wife so he decided to make him a playmate (well not a playmate like that). However something went wrong during the last phase of the reanimation and her perm got ruined, but she was still pretty hot (especially after being juiced with 100,000 volts of electricity). Unfortunately, she wasn't too enthused about her blind date with Frankie and things just didn't work out for them.
She's Electrifying ! - But your not the one that I want...do do do
Number 6 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Scanners:This is the one movie that could have been cured with extra strength Excedrin. Bulging blood veins, heads exploding and an army of mental assassinations fails to make this story interesting or the least bit scary.
Scanners really blew our mind - sorry we couldn't resist
Number 7 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Fly: Jeff Goldblum provides a whole new dimension to the term, I've got a bug in my program with this horror remake from the 1950's (the original starred Vincent Price and wasn't scary either). While entertaining and sometimes gross, the film never crossed the scary threshold except perhaps for an instant during the dream sequence scene when Gina thinks she's given birth to a giant slug.
Number 8 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Cujo (and Pet Cemetery): So we've got Stephen King again, pets and a lot supernatural activity - but we're just not feeling it, sorry. Perhaps if they had made the films using a Pit Bull, who knows.
We're pretty sure Cujo is the same lovable dog from the Tom Hank's film Turner & Hootch
Number 9 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Dreamcatcher: So Stephen King again, sorry Steve - and an all-star cast and aliens this time. Everything happens in Maine of course because that's where Steve places all of his stories, although we heard he lives in Sarasota now so why not any haunted yacht stories? The full-retard alien kid and the toilet and farting scenes make this perhaps one of the the grossest horror films ever but definitely not one of the scariest.
Number 10 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Paranormal Activity: Let's see, I'll take my crap video camera and turn the lights off and on, scream lot and drop things. Ok - didn't I make this movie when I was five years old. Why aren't I getting the royalties?
Who knew CCTV could be soooooo scary? or not
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
It's getting closer to Halloween and what better way to celebrate than to compile a list of what we consider to be the 10 scariest movies of all time. Now, of course, there are likely to be many of who disagree with our picks but then again, there were a lot of people who actually watched Rosanne and Saved by the Bell, so there's no accounting for taste. We will complement this post by adding another post tonight with the Least Scary Horror films of all time. Please keep in mind that some of what we found scary in years past may not seem so frightening now given the advances in special effects and the fact that many novel techniques in the horror genre back then are considered standard gimmicks today.
The only thing scarier than John Carradine alive was John Carradine dead in the Sentinel
Number 1 - Scariest Movie Ever - The Sentinel: This movie gave us nightmares for years. Moral of the story, don't buy an apartment that has a two bedrooms and a gateway to Hell. Burgess Meredith was particularly creepy in this picture - that and dead bodies and the gateway to Hell is mostly what we remember. We blocked the rest out.
Number 2 - The Shining: Without a doubt Jack Nicholson's best performance after One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, Stephen Kings best novel and Stanley Kubrick's best film after 2001 a Space Odyssey. The kid was intensely creepy - the entire premise was great and the location perfect. This was not only one of the scariest films ever made it is one of the best movies ever.
Number 3 Scariest Movie Ever - The Exorcist: So, we don't know why our parents thought it was OK to take us to see this when we were little kids - perhaps they wanted to make a point to tell us never to use a Ouija board. After this movie, we never ate pea soup again. Ok, we'll admit it, we never ate pea soup before either but after this movie we resolved that we'd never try it. Linda Blair was the original Blair witch and lot's scarier than that other one.
This kid ate way too many pop tarts
Number 4 Scariest Movie Ever - Halloween: Before the 500 or 5,000 or teen slasher movies that we tend to dismiss nowadays were made we had Halloween. It was almost entirely original at the time, kind of a newer version of Psycho but much scarier. The use of the mask was pure genius - it was like the Mummy and Frankenstein all rolled into one. Jamie Lee Curtis did a great job as the heroine, more or less setting a standard for Sigourney Weaver in Alien and Linda Hamilton in the Terminator.
That Face-Cast must have been itchy
Number 5 Scariest Movie Ever - John Carpenters, The Thing: John Carpenter had made Halloween in 1978 and a few years later he remade an old 50's sci-fi horror film called the Thing. Oddly enough, in the original The Thing, the monster looked a lot like Jason from Halloween. Anyway, the Thing remains one of our favorite movies of all-time. The atmosphere, the characters and the groundbreaking special effects all add to the impact. He took a not so scary 50's plot and built enormous tension and suspense around it. We think this may have been Kurt Russel's best performance of his career.
"The Thing" introduced what we believe is the first Spiderhead in American Cinema
Number 6 Scariest Movie Ever - Dawn of the Dead (2004): Before the walkers of the Walking Dead desensitized us to extreme Zombie killing action in prime-time, Dawn of the Dead riveted us with a horrific gore fest that at the time set new boundaries for gore fests. The magic behind this movie which unlike many other Zombie flick was in fact pretty scary was the complete realism of the plot. We got to know the characters as they first tried to hide out in that mall and then make a dash for freedom. It seems clear that this movie more than anything provided the real model for the Walking Dead (comic books can't capture the medium, just the plot-line). This show freaked us out, gave us headaches and made us contemplate our mortality.
Get out of the Bathroom! (from Ghost Story)
Number 7 Scariest Movie Ever - Ghost Story: What made this film so scary was the absolute spookiness of the actress playing the ghost. She was very credible as the sexy spirit that steals the heart of the young professor. Later, this same actress played queen of the Borg and was equally spooky in that role.
Number 8 Scariest Movie Ever - Carrie: Talk about peer pressure! This movie takes a whole new approach to bullying, sex education and the Religious Right. Oddly enough all of that fits together as the same actress from Coal Miners Daughter gets her Spook on.
This year's prom theme is "Fire & Brimstone"
Number 9 Scariest Movie Ever - The Ring: This film takes an urban legend and our general distaste for mass medium and milks for it for everything its worth. What happens when you watch a really, really bad video - well you'll find out. Anyway - technology question - what happens you upload that video onto Youtube?
Well diving is one of the few sports not yet been sanctioned by Olympic committee
Number 10 Scariest Movie Ever - Nightmare on Elm Street: Despite the many sequels that more or less ruined the franchise, the initial film was clever, well-made and scary. The idea of the creepy janitor stalking hot kids at the high school was too good to pass up - the fact that he could do it in their dreams - well heck that is Inception 30 years ahead of time! BTW - it's ironic that Johnny Depp starred in this and just a few years later came out with his own scissor-hands movie.
The Raving Reviews Blog is dedicated to the convergence of popular and critical review of the motion picture art - that and taking a sometimes irreverent view of popular culture.
