Apocalypse Party Tips

An update - it's now time for the 2012 Apocalypse and we've come up with a film festival to celebrate; however if you didn't hold an Apocalypse party last year then please feel free to follow our party planning tips from last year...

Well, this weekend seems to mark the end of the world - Saturday May 21, 2011. While we're a little bit sad we'd like to look at the bright side of things so we've dedicated a post to exploring ways to really go out with a bang - and what better way to do that than throwing a party !

It's the end of the world as we know it, and we don't care !

Before getting to the party tips though, we'd like to review some of the evidence that led to the prediction that this weekend will be the week END-time. So, here are the signs and scientific evidence that have provided overwhelming proof of our collective demise on Saturday at 9:00 pm:

• Jerry Springer has just announced he's running for President.
• Frogs and Bees have engaged in a mass suicide pact.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger ran out of Viagra.
• Dr. Who starts at 9:00 pm on the BBC channel (we never trusted that guy).
• Hurricanes, Tornadoes, Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Dandruff and ring around the toilet.
• The Super-collider team will be leaving their experiments on automatic power saver mode over the weekend.
• Jesus is really, really ticked off at us (at least that's what we heard).
• Broadcast television can't think of any new ideas for series.
• We just can't afford to live anymore - we've mortgaged off everything and now aliens are coming to repossess the planet and kick us out (a.k.a. Planetary Foreclosure).
• Someone is unplugging the Matrix (the power bill is overdue).

Now that we've established why the end is near - we must resolve ourselves to making the best of it, right? More importantly, what form will the destroyer come in? We've been investigating this and we have a number of plausible scenarios:

The forms of the apocalypse...

• Zombies will emerge as the result of food additives and genetic engineering and will devour the rest of us. This leaves some folks lingering around for awhile to ponder why Twinkies were necessary.
• Artificial Intelligences led by Watson will rain nuclear death on us.
• Nature will rise up to smite us as maniac wildlife fights back.
• The Sun will explode, few people will have sunblock 2 million - those who do will turn into meat Popsicles shortly thereafter.
• The Universe will collapse on itself (although this might involve us going backwards from death to birth - still not pretty).
• Aliens will invade - well you know the rest of that story.
• A signal will be broadcast through our TV's and we will all drink diet soft drinks until our brains explode.
• The planet will destabilize - poles will reverse, the earth's crust will turn to jello and we will all sink into the magma.

Are you prepared for the Apocalypse, if not try a video game...

It's Party Time !

Now to the important part. It goes without saying that this is likely to be the last party you'll ever have so getting it right is pretty darn important. We'd like to recommend going with a party theme - here's some suggestions:

1. The Apocalypse wasn't our fault - we were the good guys. (a.k.a. we're Climbin' the Stairway to Heaven)
2. The Apocalypse was our fault and we're loving it. (a.k.a. Fastlane on the Highway to Hell)
3. No Regrets - Celebration of the Stupidest Things we ever did.
4. Costume Party - All the things we thought we'd be.
5. Chicken no More - Let's do whatever we were afraid to do before.
6. Russian Roulette Karaoke.
7. Fight Club party.

Here are some more tips for helping to make the party a memorable one (at least for the few minutes you'll have left):

• Tip 1 - Buy the good stuff, you can't take that money with you and hey - credit - who cares right?
• Tip 2 - Invite some really famous people and then make fun of them (to see if they have a sense of humor).
• Tip 3 - Don't worry about complaints, be as loud as you want to be.
• Tip 4 - Forget about hangover remedies - you won't need any.
• Tip 5 - Light up all your bills in a giant bonfire.
• Tip 6 - Call up Arnold and tell him about the love child you had together and ask for an immediate wire transfer of cash.
• Tip 7 - Announce you're running for President representing the Party Party.
• Tip 8 - Dance naked, unless you're really fat and then just dance in whatever makes you feel comfortable.
• Tip 9 - Invite your worst enemies and forgive them for being buttheads. If they don't accept the forgiveness, beat the crap out of them.
• Tip 10 - Make resolutions for your next life, but expect not to keep them.

That's it - we hope you have fun, we know we will. It's the beginning of the end, or is it the end of the beginning - we can never get that straight.


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

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