We thought it only fair to announce why we're not going to review or even ever watch the latest sequel in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise; so here are our reasons:
Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™
- We still remember the ride and now memories of our childhood have become intertwined with drunken, gay pirates and the Rolling Stones.
- Zombies, mermaids and mythical sea creatures were not in the original ride and represent desperate attempts to stretch out what was already a thin plot from the first Pirates movie. It's clear there won't be much of a story.
- It's just not the same without Keira - not that is was that great with her.
- We're sick of being sucked into McMovie chain franchises like this and Transformers, although we can't wait for the next Bond film or another Star Trek or Star Wars - that's different.
- Johnny Depp reminds us too much of those winos on the street asking for quarters.
- We hate seafood.
- We think Penelope Cruz would make a better Flamenco dancer than pirate - maybe that's sexist, but we just don't see it.
- You can't convince us that any man wearing eye makeup would have lasted 5 minutes on a real pirate ship.
- We believe in the War on Grog - "Don't do Rum."
- Having Depp in the film was bad enough - actually putting Keith Richards in it was just too creepy.
Yo Ho Ho, which one is the animatronic Johnny Depp ???
Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™
