10 Reasons Why Sherlock Should be the Next Bond

After having watched Skyfall last night and being duly disappointed, we've begun to think that perhaps it's time for a transition to a new James Bond (e.g. a new actor to play James Bond). James Bond is much like Dr. Who in that no one seems to mind when he switches bodies, so why not take advantage of that? Daniel Craig was great in Casino Royale, Ok in Quantum of Solace and sucked royale in Skyfall. Part of this performance decline seems to stem from dissatisfaction he may have playing the role as evidenced by this quote from a recent interview in Rolling Stone magazine:

I’ve been trying to get out of this from the very moment I got into it. But they won’t let me go, and I’ve agreed to do a couple more, but let’s see how this one does, because business is business and if the **** goes down, I’ve got a contract that somebody will happily wipe their a** with. Daniel Craig, unhappy Bond

Sherlock and The Hobbit in London

We think finding a new Bond would do wonders for the franchise and we believe we've found the perfect candidate, Benedict Cumberbatch, A.K.A. Sherlock. We've been highly impressed with Sherlock as a series (which we will review soon as part of our tribute to the BBC) and even more impressed with its three main leads, Cumberbatch as Sherlock, Martin Freeman (The Hobbit) as Watson and Andrew Scott as Moriarty. We also think very highly of the series creator and writer (a Doctor Who Alumni) Stephen Moffat.

The name is Homes, Sherlock Holmes

So, here's our ten reasons why Sherlock ought to become the next James Bond:

1. Because Benedict Cumberbatch can really act.
2. Because Mr. Cumberbatch seems genuinely invested in his roles and willing to put forth an effort to make them memorable.
3. Because perhaps we could borrow Moriarty to be a Bond villain. Andrew Scott played one of the best screen villains we've seen in years on the BBC's Sherlock and we really need to put Javier Bardem's goofball performance out of our minds.
4. Because Cumberbatch is younger than Craig and looks the part a bit better.
5. Because Sherlock's sidekick Watson is now the Hobbit and may be unavailable for further work with Sherlock, leaving Sherlock's schedule open.
6. Because maybe we could bring some of the writers from the Sherlock series along with Sherlock to the next Bond film so it might make sense.
7. Because Sherlock's brother Mycroft already works for MI6 and should be able to pull some strings to get him hired.
8. Because we need a little less shooting and brute force in future Bond films and a little more of that ole Bond sophistication
9. Because Sherlock already lives in London and its convenient. 
10. Because Daniel Craig looks like he really needs vacation and a job where he doesn't have to work out so much.

This guy is a villain's villain and would lend serious cred to the Bond franchise

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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Skyfell

While Skyfall won't be the worst film of the year, (The Campaign and Flight are vying for that title), it is certainly this year's biggest disappointment.  We're not sure what happened with this movie; perhaps it was MGM going in and out of bankruptcy or maybe they just really weren't sure what they wanted to do with the movie since it took them so long to work the script. In any case, the end result isn't all that fun to watch. Please keep in mind that we are big James Bond fans so having to say that this film stunk is a bit painful for us - sort of like getting shot off of a moving train by Moneypenney and falling 200 feet into ravine.

Worst Bond beard ever, or is it the first and only Bond beard? Here we see James leaving rehab

  We have paid tribute to Bond in anticipation of this movie for several years, here's the proof:

• The Hunt for Rogue October - 2010
• Possible Bond Movie Titles - 2009

So what do we have against the Bond 23 turned Skyfall movie; here's our list:

• Worst Bond villain since Christopher Walken in "View to a Kill." Javier Bardem, one of the world's greatest actors, is reduced to an effeminate goofball with a mommy complex. Whatever happened to that guy from No Country for Old Men?

Javier just looks and acts silly, not too scary though despite the later FX

• A complete lack of plot. The storyline makes little sense and just gets worse as it goes.

• Gratuitous introduction of new characters for future episodes. At times the entire movie just seemed like a job interview for the new Q & M as well as Moneypenney - 2 of the 3 shouldn't have been hired.

Let's shoot your girlfriends  for target practice, Mr. Bond

• Kudos to the new Q for inventing a miniature radio / homing device that looks like a 1960's transistor radio and is 1000x bigger than it should be this day in age. Oh, and plugging the infected computer from the master hacker into the network was pure genius.

• Daniel Craig gave what has to be the most apathetic Bond performance ever - it was kind of like Obama in the first debate. You could see him thinking "I really don't want to be here and I'm sick of this job."

• Bond seems to let everyone get killed in this movie - good guys, bad guys it makes little difference and his attitude towards his chicks is getting worse. At least before when they got killed for sleeping with him he seemed to give a crap - not anymore.

• The pacing of the film was very uneven - after a promising chase scene to begin with we're dropped into a lot of slow moving and somewhat dull side-plots until the end which just turns out to be an excuse to do a makeover on James Bond family estate in Scotland. 

• The Komodo Dragons can't compare with sharks or piranhas. 

• With the exception of the opening sequence, the special effects were not up to par. And speaking of that opening sequence we still think Adele's tune is way too depressing to start a movie - it would have been appropriate for the ending though.

• There wasn't one decent one liner in the whole movie and even if there was the way Daniel Craig was delivering them you might not have heard it anyway - he was kind of mumbling through parts of the film. 

• Most awkward moment - the super-creepy Bardem begins feeling up James Bond and James implies he's already gay. We really didn't need to know that although it might explain his loss of interest in what happens to his girlfriends.

• Most Bizarre Moment - James drinking Tequila with a scorpion on his hand. 

We certainly hope that Skyfall doesn't kill the Bond franchise, it's survived some pretty serious stinkers before and now even the bankruptcy of the studio that owns the rights. There is still hope for future Bond adventures - although there may need to be more casting changes and the creative team responsible for this movie ought to be entirely replaced. It must be noted that Judi Dench, who at age 77, should have retired as M a while ago, put in the by far best performance of the movie. We'll miss you, M.

 Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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Bond 23 Exclusive - The Hunt for Rogue November

We had planned on dedicating an entire post to Nicolas Cage's hair, but we decided to wait until we saw his new release, Season of the Witch (the latest attempt to pay his back taxes). We're not sure who exactly plays the witch, but the crusader backdrop to the movie looks somewhat intriguing.

Warning - spoilers ahead...

The other reason we've delayed our critical analysis of Nick Cage's hair is that we've gotten our hands on a treasure trove of exclusive information on the new James Bond film. Bond 23 as it was titled previously, had suspended production last year when MGM went bankrupt. The movie is now finally gearing up again and looks to be ready for a release sometime in 2012. The timing of the release must have played a major role in the new direction the movie is taking.

The Bond 23 production now has a tentative title - "The Hunt for Rogue November."

Plot Synopsis - The premise is this; in a fiercely contested presidential race, MILF candidate Sarah Palin is targeted by an insanely jealous former lover and Russian leader (Vladamir Putin) who attempts to kidnap her and hold her for ransom in his Siberian love-nest. The fiesty former half-governor who doesn't trust Obama's hand-chosen security detail led by Felix Leiter looks to England for a conservative bodyguard she can really trust - who turns out to be Margaret Thatcher's and Prince Charles' little known love-child, James Bond.

At first the two don't get along at all, as London Calling clashes with Wild Alaska - the sparks fly, but soon those sparks become glowing embers of passion. It is an action-packed thriller where the lady being guarded has bigger guns than her protector and James finds himself torn between Queen, Country and the lady in red who has stolen his heart. The Villains in this film will stop at nothing to remove her from the political equation as we are transported to exotic locales like Kenya, Hawaii and Indonesia. The evil Doctora Ariana Huffington makes her premier appearance as she conspires with Putin to trash Palin's Facebook page.

Photo Credit - J. Michael: When it's cold they get hot...

Alternative Titles - There were a number of options for the working title; some that we're seriously considered but rejected include:

• "Ice Melts when it's Hot."
• "Bear on the Horizon."
• "Dancing with the Czars."
• "Fully Automatic & Lovely"
• "The MILF Who Loved Me."
• "A View to Russia (from my porch)."
• "Muckraker."
• "You can Only Serve 2 Terms."

Scene Stealing Quotes - We also got a hold of the script and can share with you some of the best lines from the movie. Here they are:

Palin on Putin:

• "James, he doesn't take NYET for an answer."
• In a scene where someone asks whether Putin would go so far as to commit his nuclear forces to get his way - "He certainly knew how to push my buttons."
• "Detente is a four letter word, right?"
• "He's one Polar Bear who doesn't give a shit about Global Warming."

Putin on Palin:

• "She is my Wild Alaska."
• "She put the 'stroik' in Perestroika."
• "If I cannot have her, the American Public certainly will not."
• "She is the Arctic fox to my Russian bear."
• "We will Putin her on ice."
• "I love a woman in red."
  

Palin to Bond:

• "You're serious, I always thought Thatcher was a man?" when confronted with the secret about James' heritage.
  
• "You'll always be my top gun, Maverick."
• "I AM your Witch, baby."
• "Can you take out Katy, I mean what use is that stupid license if you never use it?"
• "When I said all night, I meant 6 months, this is Alaska."
• "Let's have a Tea Party at my place."
• "I may be a half governor, but I'm a whole woman."
  

Bond to Palin:

• "I like my Tea hot, steamy and full of sugar."
• "You remind a lot of mum, except for the glasses."
• "Tweet me if you want to live."
• "We fired Q and now shop entirely at the Sharper Image."
• "I don't understand Hockey, but I love to puck."
  

Evil Villain Quotes:

• Dr. Ariana: "We will stop her from testing cosmetics on farm animals for good."
• Obama: "Sarah and Vladamir deserve each other, I'm just the matchmaker."
• Felix: "Oprah made me do it."
• Pelosi: "Damn her hair!"
• Putin: "Siberia is for Lovers."
• Obama: "ObamaCare, hah, Obama don't care."
  

Gratuitous gloating after the Demise of various Generic Henchmen:

• "He had a bad hair day." Palin upon seeing a henchman losing the top of his head in an elaborate saw trap originally meant for James.
  
• "It's more fun when they can't shoot back." Palin comparing shooting moose & bad guys.
  
• "I think he just dropped in the polls." Bond after a henchman plummets from a rugged Alaskan peak.
  
• "He had a Lead Deficit" Bond after shooting a henchman about 20 times.
  
• "That was an electrifying speech." Bond after tossing a microphone with an exposed wire to a henchman standing next to a podium in a puddle of water.
  
• "Drill, Baby Drill" - Palin after a Henchman falls down an oil well.
• "Now, that's a Death Panel." - Bond after being chased in a hospital by henchmen disguised as health care workers, uses faulty Medicaid equipment to blow up five of them in a conference room.
• "Filibuster this!" Sarah punches her way out of a Senate subcommittee filled with henchmen disguised as Congressional Aides.
  

We are close to obtaining an exclusive video with actual scenes from the movie - which you will only see here. Stayed Tuned...


Copyright 2010, Raving Reviews

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