In an unprecedented turn of events, producers of the movie Flight have been asked to obscure or remove images of certain types of brands of alcohol used by the high flying pilot Denzel Washington plays during the movie. Here's the news release:
"Denzel Washington's character in "Flight" drinks a lot throughout the
film, but his portrayal of a highly functioning alcoholic pilot isn't
going down well with brewing company Anheuser-Busch or the distributor
of Stolichnaya vodka.
Anheuser-Busch said Monday that it has asked
Paramount Pictures Corp. to obscure or remove the Budweiser logo from
the film, which at one point shows Washington's character drinking the
beer while behind the wheel." Associated Press
We can't recall anything similar to this happening before in Hollywood and are quite frankly stunned. Why wouldn't Beer and Vodka makers not wish to be associated with a heroic pilot who can flip his plane over drunk and still land it? It boggles the mind, but then again so does the movie which we reviewed last week.
The new pilot training program at Southjet airlines
We're wondering perhaps if the Beer and Liquor industry was incensed that Denzel needed to snort copious amounts of cocaine in order to achieve his super-piloting skills - a technique he used to counteract the effects of drinking 100 gallons of beer at one sitting. It turns out we were right because several leading Drug Lords and gangs have come out and decided to ask for their logos to be included in the movie. Look forward to seeing the Juarez Cartel logo plastered on John Goodman's jacket sometime in the next week.
Welcome to your flight - we will be flying over snowcaps on our way to paradise
So not only was this one of the dumbest movies ever made; it is likely one of the most irresponsible films ever made (for which we will have to a create a list soon). Other companies are following suit as Black and Decker and Sears have just withdrawn their support for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Saw.
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
We were inspired after going to watch "Flight" the other night to compile a list of the worst or dumbest movies of all time; at least the dumbest ones we've ever seen. In order to get on this particular list, the films had to be major releases with real budgets and real stars in them; this eliminates the scores of B movies that might otherwise appear.
How did we make our determinations? It was based upon identifying the following characteristics of painfully dumb cinema in the selected movies:
They are really, really hard to watch.
They make you want to walk out of the theater and ask for a refund (something we've done for several of these).
They make you wonder constantly throughout the movie, "if I wait just a minute longer, it might get better" but never does.
They suck you into an event horizon where time slows down to a crawl and you begin to think you'll be stuck there forever in a kind of purgatory.
They take beloved movie icons and turn them into objects of derision.
They make you say over and over again that anyone, even you or brain-dead coma victims could do better.
It's hard to remember much about the movie itself - all you tend to recall is your own sense utter revulsion at being subjected to it.
The Dumbest Movies Ever
#1 Dumbest Movie Ever - The Happening: This movie came close to ending Mark Wahlberg's career; it made his remake of Planet of the Apes look like Citizen Cane in comparison. We didn't walk out of this one - this more like the event horizon experience - a true cinema Limbo or Purgatory. Did something actually happen in the movie? We wrote a review though at the time. One dead giveaway of a truly awful movie is an appearance by John Leguizamo doing his Bugs Bunny impression.
We won't subject you to any clips from this dog of a movie - so here's the Pixies...
#2 Dumbest Movie Ever - Showgirls: This movie redefined the term "Bimbo" and ensuredthat Las Vegas would forever be associated with family entertainment - or not. The following adjectives come to mind when trying to describe this show; vacuous, offensive, Fellini-esqe, boring, unsanitary. Many have tried viewing this as cult film to mock it but the problem with that is you still have to watch it - which we cannot in all good conscious recommend that anyone ever does under any circumstances.
Licking poles was never this boring before
#3 Dumbest Movie Ever - Gigli: Before Brangelina, there was J-lo and Ben. They made a movie together and it was so bad it wrecked their marriage or relationship or whatever it is was they were doing. J-Lo made a movie with Marc Antony as well (where all they did was fight) and then they got divorced too. Come to think of it that's what happened to Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman - rule of thumb - don't make bad movies with your spouse if you want to stay married. Was there a story behind the movie - not really - and we couldn't finish watching it anyway.
They were so happy before they made this stupid movie - makes us want to cry - so did the movie
#4 Dumbest Movie Ever - Howard the Duck: This movie should have forewarned George Lucas never again to experiment with seemingly cute, highly marketable characters. Instead, a decade later he saddled us with Jar Jar Binx and cinema may never recover from that decision.
Little known fact - this actor had auditioned for Yoda 27 times over a 25 year period
#6 Dumbest Movie Ever - The Animal: This was one of those movies we walked out of and requested a refund for. It helped end what had been a half-way successful career for Rob Schneider. Calling it offensive would of course be offensive to the word offensive.
You never see full-service any more, what a pity
#7 Dumbest Movie Ever - Land of the Dead: This movie answers the question; what would happen if the Mentalist, Bugs Bunny and Easy Rider had to fight super-intelligent tool wielding zombies? The only problem was - we weren't asking that question.
#8 Dumbest Movie Ever - The Campaign: Remarkably, three of the dumbest films of all time on this list come from 2012 and the year isn't even over yet. This film, which we both walked out of and requested a refund for, tried its best to steal the title of most offensive film ever from such classics as The Animal and Freddy Got Fingered. We're fairly certain that the script was written by 13 year olds while attending a Summer camp for troubled youth. We thought nothing could be worse than the real election, but we were wrong.
This movie is the single greatest threat to Democracy since the Soviet Union invaded Eastern Europe
# 9 Dumbest Movie Ever - Burlesque: This movie was eerily like Showgirls yet featured a lot more singing and makeup in general. Christina Aguilera has an unusual talent, she can break both eardrums and various types of glassware with her raunchy ballads and booming voice. This movie shows us that most girls actually go to Hollywood in hopes of becoming strippers or singers in dive clubs owned by freaky Cher look-alikes, who knew.
Singing in a dumpy, dark lit strip club is every girl's dream come true
# 10 Dumbest Movie Ever - Catwoman: We like Halle Berry but this bizarre action flick came close to ending her career. It has taken her about a decade to recover from it.All we seem to recall from this movie was a cameo attack from Basic Instinct and lot's of meowing.
Catwoman advanced women's rights movements everywhere
Honorable Mentions:
Battlefield Earth - We had a hard time deciding this one. It was so bad that it crossed over into B movie territory. It came in at 11 anyway though.
Every Transformer Movie - With the exception of Megan Fox, there was never any reason to watch. This is the only movie franchise that needs to include a warning to take aspirin before viewing.
Dune - Despite the face we really like the book or perhaps because of it, this movie pained us a great deal. "Arrakis, Desert Planet, really dry with no beaches ('cause there's no water - get it), lot's of inane narrative and silly costumes - and Jean Luc Picard, what are you doing here."
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews™ - All Rights Reserved
We went out to the movies last night and witnessed a horrific disaster - there was an uncontrollable dive - then it burst into flames and crashed into the ground. Actually, we're not talking about the plane crash scene - we're talking about the whole movie. "Flight" has to be one of the worst films this season. This is the worst work RobertZemeckis has done since "Who Framed Roger Rabbit."
Roger Rabbit probably did a better job than Denzel in Flight
Ground control to Denzel, here's why we are panning this flick:
Because the crash should have occurred at the end instead of the beginning; it was fairly anti-climatic the way it worked out.
Because having a crotch-close up in the first shot of the movie doesn't lend a lot of credibility to it.
Because no human being could drink as much as Denzel's character and live.
Because Denzel makes a truly awful and unconvincing drunk.
Because a British actress playing a Southern crack-ho doesn't come off as very convincing.
Because movies ought to a have a plot.
Because the movie can't decide whether it wants to be Cheech & Chong or Days of Wine and Roses. Talk about sending mixed messages - it's wrong to drink but it's ok to be a super-cool coke head?
Because they wasted a lot of talent. Denzel, John Goodman and Don Cheadle (who looked as though he wished he was anywhere else but in this movie).
Because it was predictable - we knew exactly what Denzel would do for most of the movie including the big "surprise" confession during the hearing. Know why, because the movie was one giant cliche.
Because an inside look into the porn industry is just one of several bizarre and meaningless redirects tossed into a movie that seems as though it was made up as they went along.
Because only playing 3 to 5 seconds of really cool popular songs is annoying and none of that coolness rubs off onto the movie.
Because making fun of people on chemo isn't cool.
1,296 bottles of beer on my wall...
We're thinking of suing the airline over our lost $31 dollars. This was a movie that was supposed to be about a heroic pilot but turned out to be about a silly alcoholic. At the very least, Denzel and Bruce Greenwood got a chance to catch up as this might have been their first project together since St. Elsewhere (a real show). Although Bruce and Denzel share 20 minutes on screen and seem to have the rapport of two strangers sitting in a waiting room, so who knows. And what was with the crazy religious co-pilot and his wife shouting praise Jesus - another wacky misdirection which led nowhere. Do yourselves a favor and don't book passage on Flight. Heck even the name of the movie seems to forewarn us that the makers of this dud wouldn't know originality if it fell out of the sky and crashed on top of them.
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
The Raving Reviews Blog is dedicated to the convergence of popular and critical review of the motion picture art - that and taking a sometimes irreverent view of popular culture.
