What Goes Up...

We went to see Gravity the weekend it came out (about 2 weeks ago) and attended a very nice IMAX / 3D equipped theater (at one of our favorite venues - AMC at Newport at the Levee  by Cincinnati). While 3D plus IMAX inflates any movie-going experience, there were definitely mixed feelings about this one. The action was great - not much bother about plot - this film was a non-stop sprint for survival without any explanations per se. The science was suspect; much ado was made about the debris field orbiting in the wrong direction (a la Neil deGrasse Tyson) but no one seemed to notice that the shuttle fleet has been retired for two years and it certainly looked as though they were using one of the old shuttles as opposed to something that Elon Musk might have up his sleeve. So does this mean that the disaster already happened and someone is keeping it a big secret?

A $25 billion investment digitally shredded in about two scenes...  

BTW - we had the unique distinction of being at Cocoa Beach (or slightly south at Patrick AFB) to film the last shuttle launch. Damn if that shuttle didn't fly right into a cloud - oh well- at least it didn't fly into the space station, we think.

Doesn't look much like a shuttle does it, Elon?

So anyway, how about that Sandra Bullock? She survived the worst husband ever only to have to escape from one exploding spacecraft after another. She certainly did a good job with the limited (and somewhat far-fetched) material given to her. But what about Putin, isn't he going to get upset after being blamed for the destruction of just about everything in near-Earth orbit? Will he jail the production team and cast if they ever tour Russia (like he did to Pussyriot?). That remains to be seen.

While we must admit this was an entertaining film, it certainly doesn't warrant becoming an Oscar contender (as is being talked about now). Although if they had inserted a plea for more NASA funding (as a way to have possibly avoided the catastrophe in space) then we might have been able to get behind a nomination. 

Perhaps the saddest way to look at the film is as a metaphor for our collective ambitions for Space exploration - they all seem to have coming crashing down...

copyright 2013, Raving Reviews

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Top 10 Best Movies of All Time

Not too long ago we presented our list of the 10 Dumbest Movies of All time; today we're taking a 'glass half full' view of the world and focusing on the positive. Determining what movies qualify to be among the top 10 is no easy matter though.

Midnight Cowboy

There are quite a few truly great films out there to choose from - so we applied the following criteria to help make our picks:

1. Each film on this list had to be a classic film (which we've defined before). 
2. Each film had to be a profound story - something out of the ordinary that sticks with you and effects you at an emotional level.
3. Each film had to be cinematically innovative. This could take a variety of forms from introduction of special effects to the cinematography itself and of course the story-line.
4. Each film had to have more than one scene that is remembered as being historic (like the baseball scene from the Untouchables although that film didn't make this list because while a classic the story-line was a just to thin).
5. To be on our list usually also involved having a very good musical score as well.

What we didn't do was base our list of critics' determination of what ought to be considered 'the greatest of all time.'  This is why movies like Citizen Kane does not appear on our list.  

Orson Welles was always over-rated, especially by himself 

So here's our list of the Top 10 Best Movies of All Time:

# 1 Best Movie of All Time -  Schindler's List: Why did this film top the list? There were several reasons; first because this version of the Holocaust tale was different than those that had gone before it. Spielberg made it seem more real. Perhaps it was the use of Black and White or perhaps it was the fascinating character studies provided by Ben Kingsley, Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes - and each of those actors turned in what was probably the performance of their careers. Second, this film was about both horror and hope and how the human spirit can overcome the lesser angels of our nature. Third, perhaps it was the timing of it - while this film debuted a new genocide was just beginning in Europe in Bosnia. NATO intervened to stop that war and the Genocide in 1995 - it seems to us that this film may have played a role in helping to remind the world about the human face of Genocide. It's a lesson that will likely need to be learned over and over again in the future - and now we have this film to help teach that lesson.

Schindler's List was Best Picture in 1993

# 2 Best Movie of All Time -  Dr. Strangelove: Some might find the selection of "Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb" as an odd choice for the second best film of all time. We think the rank is well-deserved. First, this stands as the most profound and biting political satire on film - ever (second place is Chaplin's "The Great Dictator"). Second, this movie provided the most damning critique of the Arms Race ever produced. Third, Peter Sellers gave the performance/s of his career (playing at least 3 characters). We will never forget his insane parody of Henry Kissinger as Strangelove.

Peter Sellers as Strangleove

# 3 Best Movie of All Time -  The Godfather: What can we say - this movie had everything; a soundtrack that we can never forget; one hell of a story and some of the best acting ever. Al Pacino will probably always be remembered for his role as Michael Corleone - seeing him become the new Godfather at the end of the movie is one of those cinematic moments we'll never forget. In fact, the entire movie is chocked full of iconic scenes.

Michael becomes, the Godfather...

# 4 Best Movie of All Time -  Blade Runner:  We reviewed this film some time ago and we have to admit - we just keep liking it better and better as time goes by. Blade Runner brings together a fantastic Science Fiction story by Philip K Dick ( Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?), unbelievable cinematic vision from Director Ridley Scott and some truly memorable performances by a huge and wildly talented ensemble cast. This film set its own standard in terms of creating a unique universe all its own - it's LA Noir with flying cars and genetically engineered super-humans. We're hoping the rumors of a sequel are true but it is unlikely that any follow-on movie will match this original. The soundtrack by Vangelis is perhaps the best movie score ever.

The FX from Blade Runner inspired a generation of Hollywood film-makers and animators

# 5 Best Movie of All Time -  The Matrix: This movie still retains the title of Coolest Movie of All Time. The Matrix combined a powerful critique of the human experience with state of the art visuals and special effects. The result is nothing short of breathtaking. Even though the follow-ons in the trilogy didn't live up to the original - the first Matrix still stands the test of time. We recommend that you take the red pill. 

# 6 Best Movie of All Time - Midnight Cowboy: Not a Western at all, with the absolute best theme song from any movie - ever. If this film doesn't tug at your heart - you're probably a Zombie. Dustin Hoffman's portrayal of Ratso Rizzo is one of the truly great performance s in cinema history.

# 7 Best Movie of All Time -  Dr. Zhivago: This movie still stands of the most beautiful pieces of cinema ever produced. It represents the best of the epic films from the 50's to 70's and tells the story of one man's struggle to survive amidst the chaos of the Russian Revolution. It also stands as one of the greatest love stories on film. Julie Christie gave the performance of her life in this movie as did Rod Steiger. Sir Alec Guinness, Geraldine Chaplin (Charlie Chaplin's daughter) and Omar Sharif rounded off the stellar cast. The Zhivago soundtrack is the second best in the history of cinema. There were some truly great lines in this film - like Zhivago's brother stating "I did admire him; but I didn't think he was a better man. Besides, I've executed better men than me with a small pistol."

# 8 Best Movie of All Time -  JFK: This movie is a bit controversial, just like it's topic - the assassination of John F. Kennedy. Director Oliver Stone assembled a huge cast of the best talent in Hollywood headed by Kevin Costner in what is probably the best performance of his career. This movie represents the ultimate courtroom drama in cinema history as Stone pieces together the real story while exposing the gaps in the Warren Commission's finding. The movie was so powerful that it led to the passage of President John F. Kennedy Assassination Records Collection Act of 1992. This means that many documents that haven't already been released will be in 2017. While still late, the truth may finally be known after all these years. It's a movie that literally made history.

JFK was awesome, we rest our case

# 9 Best Movie of All Time -  AI: Artificial Intelligence was Stanley Kubrick's last project. Before he died he handed it over to Stephen Spielberg to complete. The result was truly stunning. AI tells the story of a boy named David who isn't actually a boy - he's a Cyber Pinocchio. But David is more than that - he is the first artificial being who can dream and can love. This movie was meant to take HAL to the next step and fully humanize him. It succeeds with an entertaining story, stunning visual imagery and one of the best performances by a child actor - Haley Joel Osment - ever.

Welcome to Rouge City

# 10 Best Movie of All Time -  One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest: While this isn't a happy tale, it is inspirational. This movie marks the zenith of Jack Nicholson's career. It provides us some truly memorable characters who've all come together under less than ideal circumstances. Cuckoo's Nest follows in the same foot-steps as Midnight Cowboy in creating a story that is totally character-driven and painfully realistic.

Honorable Mentions:

• The Graduate - This movie helped to define a generation with a soundtrack by Simon and Garfunkle no less.

• 2001 Space Odyssey - We loved it, but the characters we're a little thin for this category.

• Apocalypse Now - A great movie, but a bit too uneven to make the top 10.  

• Scarface - "Say hello to my little friend." Al Pacino's over the top Cuban gangster became one of the all-time most memorable characters in cinema in this film (no chance of sequels either).

• The Shining - A masterpiece that came very close to getting on the list. Kubrick and Jack Nicholson together - wow.

• High Noon - One of our few older films in contention. This movie stood as the ultimate Western - at least until The Unforgiven came along.

• Gone with The Wind: This movie defined the Hollywood epic for the next 75 years. While the racial stereotypes depicted in the film are insensitive to say the least - they also stand as testimony to how far we've come in just a couple generations. What would Clark Gable thought of President Obama? 

• Modern Times - Charlie Chaplin was a genius, end of story. Cinema wouldn't be what it is today without him. He was also a brilliant social critic and one of the few people on earth in the 1930's to take on Hitler. The little tramp had some big cojones. 

Chaplin takes on the Industrial Revolution single-handedly

• Ben Hur - Star Wars episode 1 was largely a tribute to this movie - how cool is that?
• Lawrence of Arabia - David Lean took a very odd (yet true) story from history and turned it into a legend. Lean also directed Zhivago.

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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An Homage to the Brady Bunch - Raving Retro

While the rest of the country was protesting the Vietnam war or watching the Watergate hearings there were many of us who viewed the world through the windows of our suburban tri-level homes and watched the Brady Bunch every weekend afternoon - there at least all was right with the world. The Bradys had the perfect family, they were happy, well-adjusted and seemed to have a lot of fun hanging out with each other (perhaps more fun than we realized based upon stories of Brady scandals that began emerging during the 1980's).

For the cast of the Brady Bunch, it was all downhill after the show was cancelled.

During the 1970's though, the Bradys seemed normal. While the Bradys' had their issues, those problems were always resolved by the end of each episode. The Bradys presented a somewhat narrow view of the world though, for example:

• There were no major characters from any minority, in fact you'd think minorities didn't exist if you watched it.
• Mrs. Brady was a stay at home mom who never once thought of having a career.
• The excuse for the family merger is murky, although Mr. Brady is a widower, no mention is made of Mrs. Brady's mysterious divorce. It's assumed she got all the kids in the settlement but apparently she doesn't get alimony.
• Nobody drinks on the Brady Bunch, despite their last name being Brady - except for Sam, the sometimes boy-toy for Alice the housekeeper.
• The Bradys' never faced any real trauma or setbacks, besides their vacations anyway.
• The Bradys' didn't seem to have any opinions about anything outside their own personal lives. 

Many people think that Seinfeld invented the comedy about nothing, but the reality is that the Bradys beat them to it - it is a show that said absolutely nothing on any subject for 6 seasons. Yet, the show had an appeal which was hard to ignore. We've assembled several top ten lists as an homage to the time wasted during our childhood watching these folks and thinking they had it better than us...

Top 10 Episode Titles:

• Marcia Gets Creamed - We didn't make these up
• The Great Earring Caper - Kleptos on the cast? We'll have to refer to Marcia's or Jan's books
• Getting Davy Jones - Odds are Marcia really got him, but we haven't read the tell-all book yet.
• Coming Out Party - way before it became popular...
• The Babysitters - Did this inspire the John Leguizamo film?
• The Big Sprain - Before Sports medicine was cool...
• Every Boy Does It Once - We don't want to know
• The Teeter Totter Caper - we forgot about this one
• Katchoo - One of several episodes dedicated to healthcare issues
• Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy - A show, about nothing

Top (real-life) Brady Scandals:

• Mike Brady is gay (dies of AIDS)
• Mrs. Brady hooks up with Greg
• Greg hooks up with Marcia
• Marcia apparently hooks up with everyone, including Michael Jackson and Steve Martin.
• Jan and Marsha hook up (maybe)
• Greg and Jan hook up
• Peter is gay (maybe)
• Multiple substance abuse issues
• Several failed spin offs 
• Mrs. Brady has an affair with the Mayor of New York

Top 10 Brady Quotes:

• Greg: Remember Dad, we're talking man-to-man, not kid-to-man man-to-man, but man-to-man, man-to-man.
• Jan: Well, all I hear all day long at school is how great Marcia is at this how wonderful Marcia did that. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
• Carol: [to Cindy] You shouldn't put down a loser, Cindy, because you might be one yourself someday. Just remember that.
• Greg: It's sure great how some people can sing while other people are dying!
• Alice: [to the deliveryman] You keep calling me sweetie, gorgeous & beautiful, and I'll follow you anywhere!
• Greg: [Greg then sits at his desk imitating Marcia writing in her diary] "Dear diary, at last I met him, my dream man. It was at the delicatessen and our fingers tingled as we reached for the same potato salad."
• Cindy: A star can't go on television, all fat and broken out.
• Marcia: Something suddenly came up.
• Carol: Cindy thought there are real butterflies in my stomach. What an idiot!

Top 3 Brady Hits:
Of course, someone had the bright idea to try to have the Bradys compete with the Partridge family. The following Brady hits were the fascinating result:

• Sunshine Day - no comment

• Keep on Moving - no comment

• Brady Bunch Variety Hour: Disco Medley  - to be honest we never even knew that the Bradys' had their own variety hour. That's probably a good thing...
  

Disco and the Bradys - the perfect match

There is one thing we're certain of, there will never be another show quite like the Brady Bunch - movie remakes not withstanding (satire doesn't count).

 Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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Harmonic Insanity - A Raving Playlist

As you might have noticed, all of our playlists have a little story associated with them. This playlist was inspired by trips to the local Ikea this Summer. The only way to describe our first experience was stunned, disoriented and overwhelmed by meatballs and lingaberries. At one point we feared for our lives, thinking we might be stuck inside forever as there didn't seem to be any exists, only winding paths of consumer decadence at affordable prices. Anyway, after we escaped with some lighting fixtures and Swedish chocolate we found out that Jonathan Coulton had actually written a song that perfectly captured our first impressions of Ikea. We then were inspired to find songs on crazy topics or just crazy songs period. As usual, you can find this playlist on Spotify.

Enter the Scandinavian Dimension...

What constitutes a crazy song? Here are some guidelines; it's crazy if...

• If William Shatner or Leonard Nimoy are in it (BTW - we heard that Nimoy's Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins is going to be used on the new Hobbit movie soundtrack) .
• It has any connection to Baywatch
• If it is wickedly funny
• If it was on SNL as a skit not a musical guest (like King Tut)
• Anything having to do with Billy Ray Cyrus
• If it includes Ricky Martin talking about women

 

Harmonic Insanity
Jonathan Coulton – Ikea
"Weird Al" Yankovic – Another One Rides The Bus
Flight Of The Conchords – Robots
Paul Storm – More Rejected Commercial Jingles: Olive Garden
William Shatner – I Can't Get Behind That
The Steep Canyon Rangers – Atheists Don't Have No Songs
The Avalanches – Frontier Psychiatrist
David Hasselhoff – Looking For Freedom 01 - Remix 2006
"Weird Al" Yankovic – Ebay (Parody of "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys)
Jonathan Coulton – Tom Cruise Crazy
Leonard Nimoy – A Visit To A Sad Planet
Warren Zevon – I Need A Truck - Previously Unissued Outtake
Tenacious D – Señorita - Explicit Version
Jonathan Coulton – The Future Soon
Flight Of The Conchords – Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros
"Weird Al" Yankovic – Polka Face
Barenaked Ladies – Pinch Me - Radio Version
Steve Martin – King Tut
Barenaked Ladies – If I Had $1,000,000
"Weird Al" Yankovic – The Saga Begins (Lyrical Adaption of "American Pie")
Barenaked Ladies – The Ninjas
Paul Storm – Cruel, Cruel Moon
Tenacious D – The Metal
Jonathan Coulton – Code Monkey
Warren Zevon – Accidentally Like A Martyr - 2007 Remastered LP Version
Flight Of The Conchords – The Most Beautiful Girl (In The Room)
Warren Zevon – Carmelita
"Weird Al" Yankovic – Yoda
Paul Storm – The Captain's Wife's Lament
Leonard Nimoy – Spock Thoughts
Flight Of The Conchords – You Don't Have To Be A Prostitute
William Shatner – Common People
C.W. McCall – Convoy
Leonard Nimoy – Music To Watch Space Girls By
Paul Storm – If James Taylor Were On Fire
Billy Ray Cyrus – Achy Breaky Heart
Warren Zevon – Excitable Boy
DJ Ostkurve – Limbo Dance (Party Dance Radio)
Las Kala – The Ketchup Song (Hey Hah)
"Weird Al" Yankovic – White & Nerdy (Parody of "Ridin'" by Chamillionaire featuring Krayzie Bone)
Jonathan Coulton – Creepy Doll
Paul & Storm – My Fantastic Plastic Girl
John Wetton – Bohemian Rhapsody
Neil Norman & His Cosmic Orchestra – Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tenacious D – Deth Starr - Explicit Version
Barenaked Ladies – Crazy ABC's
Flight Of The Conchords – Hurt Feelings
Barenaked Ladies – Bank Job
Divinyls – I Touch Myself
Fast Food Rockers – The Fast Food Song - Deep Pan Radio Mix
Hampster Dance Masters – The Hamster Dance Song
Crazy Town – Butterfly
Warren Zevon – Mohammed's Radio
69 Boyz – Tootsee Roll
Various Artists – Supermodel (You Better Work)
Was (Not Was) – Walk The Dinosaur
Disco's Revenge – Disco Duck
Eiffel 65 – Blue (Da Ba Dee) - Radio Edit
David Hasselhoff – Keep The Jungle Alive
Pete Droge – If You Don't Love Me (I'll Kill Myself)
The Offspring – Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)
"Weird Al" Yankovic – Pretty Fly For A Rabbi (Parody of "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)" by Offspring)
William Shatner – How Insensitive

Right Said Fred – I'm Too Sexy
Ricky Martin – She Bangs - English Version
Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby
King Missile – Detachable Penis
The Timelords (The Jams) – Doctorin' The Tardis
Paul Storm – If Bob Dylan Were Hiding At the Bottom of a Well
Soundtrack/Cast Album – Dentist!
"Weird Al" Yankovic – Gump (Parody of "Lump" by The Presidents Of The United States)
Adam Sandler – Lunchlady Land
Barnes Barnes – Fish Heads (1976)
Monty Python – Lumberjack Song (Monty Python Sings)
Cracker Jack – Candy-Coated Popcorn, Peanuts and a Prize
Leonard Nimoy – Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins

Bilbo and Spock, together again...

 Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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2001, A Space Odyssey - Raving Classics

There are some movies we never forget; because they single-highhandedly redefine the movie-going experience. There are some movies that do even more than that - they redefine the limits of our imagination. 2001, A Space Odyssey is one of those movies and it is our Raving Classic being reviewed today.  

2001, A Space Odyssey was released in 1968, a unique time in our history as we were rushing ever-closer to reaching the moon in the Apollo program. We arrived on the moon just one year later - anything seemed possible - we had taken the giant leap from an earthbound race to space-farers. Or so it seemed. While this movie is pure Science Fiction from a genre perspective; it is a movie completely grounded in science fact and that's one of the qualities that made it so fascinating when it was released and which still intrigues us today. Arthur C. Clarke, who wrote the screenplay for the movie, had a impressive track record of inventing technology breakthroughs in the context of his science fiction stories. For example, Clarke came up with the modern concept of Geo-synchronous satellites, future space colonies (which shows like Babylon 5 tried to depict) and space elevators.

We wish our gym looked like this.

Stanley Kubrick directed the movie and this film along with Dr. Strangelove and The Shining stand as some of the most profound cinema ever attempted. Kubrick had planned to follow up on the topic of Artificial Intelligence with another film, but ultimately never got a chance to finish it and the project was handed off to Stephen Spielberg who did produce it as "AI."  Kubrick approached each of those movies very differently - in 2001 he deliberately created an epic canvas. The storyline in 2001 is not so much character-driven as it is history-driven. The main character in 2001 is humanity itself and the story arc is our rendezvous with destiny. Along the way though, Kubrik treats us to some of the most spectacular imagery the world had ever seen up to that point. Even now more than 40 years after its release, the visual landscape he creates is simply awesome. The soundtrack was a groundbreaking effort as well. And it's all the more powerful because the story and presentation seems absolutely plausible.

Are you - talking to me ? 

We had no way of knowing in 1968 that President Nixon would cut the Apollo program (of course we found out the real reason why in the movie Apollo 18) and all of NASA's plans to colonize the Moon and Mars. Back then those next steps seemed only a few years away and yes NASA did actually have plans to do all of that at one point. We have at least managed to build a mini-space station, but it is nowhere nearly as cool as the one depicted in the 2001 film. So much of the imagery from this movie is iconic; it's hard to pick any one portion as being more impressive than another.

This is the original trailer for 2001, A Space Odyssey (cover your ears)

We'll try to pick out some of our favorite parts anyway. Here are the top 10 coolest or most iconic scenes from the movie:

1. The Dawn of Time monkey boys giving up on their vegan lifesyles.
2. The Bone to Shuttle transition - one of the most memorable in the history of history.
3. The Shuttle ride to the Moon Base - too bad Pan AM went out of business.
4. Landing inside the moon base - wow.
5. The Televideo call from the Space Station - at least we've still got AT&T.
6. The Blue Danube Waltz between the shuttle and space station.
7. Jogging on the Jupiter - the coolest artificial gravity ever.
8. Open the pod bay doors, Hal - while HAL was busy turning off everyone's life support.
9. Turning off HAL's brain - it just never gets old. "Daisy, Daisy..."
10. Dave's bedroom in alientown - Time flies when you're living in multiple dimensions simultaneously, right?

Welcome to the Hotel Monolith - you can check in but never check out... Didn't we see this in Tron Legacy?

2001, A Space Odyssey was crammed full of big ideas and big questions - more than 40 years later those ideas are still current and the questions haven't really been answered. Questions like:

• What's our place in the universe, are we alone? 
• What is intelligence and what makes intelligence sentient?
• What set us on our trajectory and where will that trajectory take us?

And along with being great entertainment, 2001 has had a significant impact on our popular culture as well as inspiring countless parodies and popular references. We've including one of the better examples below. 

We don't have Space Stewardess' yet - but Elon Musk is working on it.

We promised we'd take a deeper dive and explore a possible confrontation between HAL and Watson - we will publish that in a follow up post. In the meantime, we will leave you with the super-creepy chorus - "Jupiter and Beyond." For those who don't remember, not too many years ago people used to test out their new home theater systems by playing 2001 and cranking up the speakers, it was almost a cult experience.

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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Flight Product Placement Gets Grounded

In an unprecedented turn of events, producers of the movie Flight have been asked to obscure or remove images of certain types of brands of alcohol used by the high flying pilot Denzel Washington plays during the movie. Here's the news release:

"Denzel Washington's character in "Flight" drinks a lot throughout the film, but his portrayal of a highly functioning alcoholic pilot isn't going down well with brewing company Anheuser-Busch or the distributor of Stolichnaya vodka.
Anheuser-Busch said Monday that it has asked Paramount Pictures Corp. to obscure or remove the Budweiser logo from the film, which at one point shows Washington's character drinking the beer while behind the wheel." Associated Press

We can't recall anything similar to this happening before in Hollywood and are quite frankly stunned. Why wouldn't Beer and Vodka makers not wish to be associated with a heroic pilot who can flip his plane over drunk and still land it? It boggles the mind, but then again so does the movie which we reviewed last week.

The new pilot training program at Southjet airlines

We're wondering perhaps if the Beer and Liquor industry was incensed that Denzel needed to snort copious amounts of cocaine in order to achieve his super-piloting skills - a technique he used to counteract the effects of drinking 100 gallons of beer at one sitting. It turns out we were right because several leading Drug Lords and gangs have come out and decided to ask for their logos to be included in the movie. Look forward to seeing the Juarez Cartel logo plastered on John Goodman's jacket sometime in the next week.

Welcome to your flight - we will be flying over snowcaps on our way to paradise

So not only was this one of the dumbest movies ever made; it is likely one of the most irresponsible films ever made (for which we will have to a create a list soon). Other companies are following suit as Black and Decker and Sears have just withdrawn their support for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Saw.

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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Incoherent - A Raving Playlist

What's in a name or a lyric for that matter? Ever wondered what was more important, the music or the words? Today's Raving Playlist provides the ability to do any number of double-blind experiments in which you can test your hypothesis as all of the songs on this particular list are relatively unintelligible. That doesn't mean they're bad songs, in fact some of them are quite good - just don't try too hard to sign along or understand what they're saying- humming might work though. As usual, you can find this list on Spotify as well.

Pearl Jam's Yellow Ledbetter tops our list of songs that are hard to understand, but fun to listen to

 

Incoherent
Pearl Jam – Yellow Ledbetter
Chris Cornell – Ground Zero
Sweet – Ballroom Blitz
The Turtles – I'm Chief Kamanawanalea (We're The Royal Macadamia Nuts)
Bob Dylan – Like A Rolling Stone
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Soul To Squeeze
William Shatner – Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
La Yanta – Chacarron... Macarron
Vampire Weekend – A-Punk
The Kingsmen – Louie Louie
The Champs – Tequila (Original)
Janis Joplin – Piece Of My Heart
Spice Girls – Wannabe - Radio Edit
Soundgarden – The Day I Tried To Live
Sex Pistols – Anarchy In the UK
Alice In Chains – Check My Brain
Barenaked Ladies – Be My Yoko Ono
Fatboy Slim – Right Here, Right Now
The Jimi Hendrix Experience – Voodoo Child (Slight Return)
Barenaked Ladies – Big Bang Theory Theme
Sam The Sham & The Pharaohs – Wooly Bully
The Hollies – Long Cool Woman (In A Black Dress)
David Bowie – Ashes To Ashes - Single Version;2002 - Remaster
The Doors – The Changeling - Remaster
Lifehouse – Hanging By A Moment
David Bowie – Life On Mars? - 1999 Digital Remaster
Ramones – Blitzkreig Bop
Janis Joplin – Summertime - (Big Brother & The Holding Company-Janis Joplin)
The Jimi Hendrix Experience – Purple Haze
The Doors – Soul Kitchen - New Stereo Mix   Advanced Resolution
Ramones – Rock 'N' Roll High School - Ed Stasium Version
Blues Traveler – Run-Around
Pearl Jam – Daughter
Bob Dylan – The Times They Are A-Changin'
Nirvana – The Man Who Sold The World
Soundgarden – Black Hole Sun
A Flock Of Seagulls – I Ran (So Far Away)
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Suck My Kiss
Barenaked Ladies – One Week
The Black Keys – Set You Free
Alice In Chains – Angry Chair
Nirvana – Something In The Way
Sting – If You Love Somebody Set Them Free
Jack Black – Help Me (Song)
David Bowie – Starman - 1997 Digital Remaster
Barenaked Ladies – Brian Wilson
The Darkness – Growing On Me
Chumbawamba – Tubthumping
Led Zepagain – Immigrant Song
Stevie Nicks – Edge of Seventeen
T. Rex – Ballrooms Of Mars
The Black Keys – Gold On The Ceiling
Mott The Hoople – All The Young Dudes
William Shatner – Mr. Tambourine Man
Ramones – My Brain is Hanging Upside Down
Angry Samoans – Highway To Hell
David Bowie – She Shook Me Cold - 1999 Digital Remaster
The Doors – People Are Strange - New Stereo Mix   Advanced Resolution
UB40 – Rat In Mi Kitchen
Bob Dylan – Blowin' In The Wind - 2010 mono version
T. Rex – Cosmic Dancer
The Doors – L.A. Woman - New Stereo Mix   Advanced Resolution
Janis Joplin – Try (Just A Little Bit Harder)
Soundgarden – Live to Rise
David Bowie – Ziggy Stardust - 2002 Digital Remaster
Sex Pistols – God Save The Queen
Crash Test Dummies – Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Fight Like A Brave
Pearl Jam – Better Man
Blues Traveler – Carolina Blues
Nirvana – Come As You Are
Barenaked Ladies – It's All Been Done
The Guess Who – No Time
Will Smith – Gettin' Jiggy Wit It
Lou Reed – Satellite Of Love
T. Rex – Bang A Gong [Get It On]
Vanilla Ice – Ninja Rap
Daler Mehndi – Tunak Tunak Tun
Fatboy Slim – Because We Can
Madonna – Vogue
Leonard Nimoy – Spock Thoughts
Three Dog Night – Mama Told Me Not To Come
Tenacious D – Roadie - Clean Version
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Sexy Mexican Maid - 2003 Digital Remaster
Nirvana – Big Cheese
Chuck Ragan – California Burritos
Against Me! – Rice and Bread
Paul & Storm – Frogger! The Frogger Musical
Flight Of The Conchords – Fashion is Danger
Warren Zevon – Poor Poor Pitiful Me
Flight Of The Conchords – Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros
Lyte Funkie Ones – Summer Girls
Dinosaur Jr. – Feel The Pain - 2007 Remastered LP Version
Blondie – Rapture
Crash Test Dummies – The Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead Featuring Ellen Reid
Willi One Blood – Whiney, Whiney (What Really Drives Me Crazy)
Gigolo Aunts – Where I Find My Heaven
4 Non Blondes – What's Up?
Los Del Rio – Macarena - Original Version
Sweet – Little Willy
Luce – Western Spaghetti

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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The Top 10 Horror Films that Need to be Made

Just when you may have thought we ran out of ideas for Halloween Top 10 lists, we're back... Anyway, we thought it was important to explore frightening concepts that Hollywood has otherwise overlooked up until now. We certainly understand that not everyone has the same tastes when it comes to what does or doesn't scare them - we've tried our best to settle upon some universal themes. And BTW - we will have another list coming up after this - the Top 10 Scariest TV shows ever.

# 1 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Frontier Psychiatrist: Besides already having a very catchy soundtrack, we really want to know the rest of story...

This could have only come from... Down Under. Ever wonder about that nickname?

# 2 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Blood Cycle, The Lance Armstrong Story: You've only heard the tip of the iceberg, Lance got blood transfusions during races yes, but from whom and was it willingly given? This is the story that exposes Lance as the blood sucking, organ stealing fiend that seemed somehow superhuman - now we know why. Dracula, Frankenstein and Arnold all rolled into one - he was the true Hell on the Wheels.

What's that you're sipping, Count Spokula?

# 3 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Kardashian Chaos (AKA Sister Hacks): What happens when a gaggle of no-talent bimbos finally get kicked out of the spotlight - they get homicidal, that's what. The high fashion reality TV, fashion model babes wreak havoc on Hollywood - marrying unsuspecting athletes, jamming their high heels into the eye sockets of reporters and generally refusing to be ignored. The ultimate outcome of this film is too hideous to even contemplate - as the world is forced to watch them age much like the Rolling Stones.

You must watch us, forever and ever.........

# 4 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Preservatives: Everyone thinks the end times will come from some horrible virus, but what if - the Zombie Apocalypse started elsewhere - say perhaps at your local supermarket. This is the story of how junk-food preservatives changed our body chemistry and allowed the dead to last and live on - forever. A.K.A. - Revenge of the Twinkies.

You are ,what you eat....

# 5 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Foreclosure: This film idea asks the question what happens when you foreclose on a Haunted House? We think it might go something like this - homeowners get screwed by the bank and the house wreaks revenge on its neighbors by falling apart, failing to mow its yard and generally lowering property values. Eventually the house invites squatters and drug dealers to move in and must be demolished. Pretty scary huh?  

# 6 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Sushi: The ultimate slasher er slicer movie. There is nothing more disgusting and creepy than people eating raw meats. Let's make a movie about it; it'll probably be banned.

This used to be alive, have the decency to cook it at least will you!

 # 7 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Revenge of the Teens: This is usually only frightening to middle aged parents although there is plenty here to scare the wits out of just about anyone. The whole process is a little like the Alien movie franchise. 

 # 8 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Attack of the Sub-woofers: They move from town to town, following some really lousy bands waiting - waiting to be turned up just to the right level - that level where you can no longer distinguish noise from music - and then - booom - everyone heads' explode. Taking bad entertainment to the limit...

# 9 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Windows 8: Just when you thought you had finally worked out all your operating system issues, Microsoft introduces another one.  

The Horror, ... the... horror...

# 10 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Waffle Hell: Imagine if you can, arriving late at night somewhere in the deep South, into a strange, dirty dank restaurant late - you're just looking for some food (and no it's not Denny's even though it might qualify as purgatory). And then, the jukebox starts playing and all the patrons start singing country tunes (Dolly, Garth Brooks even some Bluegrass) and you can never ever leave. "I got friends in low places..."   AHHHHHHHHHH  This is the Waffle Hell...

Cholesterol and country music equal eternal suffering at the Waffle Hell

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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The 10 Ten Least Scary Horror Movies of all Time

As promised, we're going to complement our list of the Top 10 Scariest Movies of all time with the Top 10 Least Frightening Films ever. Halloween, being the silly holiday that it is - represents a great opportunity to lampoon some of Hollywood's goofier attempts to scare folks. We have also determined that we've become temporarily obsessed with Halloween Top 10 lists so after this post we're going to create a top 10 list on the absolute worst, stupidest Horror films ever made. Enjoy...

• Number 1 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Blair Witch Project: So here's the formula; no plot, no budget, no decent cameras or actors and guess what - it's not scary - what a surprise! It's not even entertaining or interesting. The Blair Witch ought to sue for defamation of character. We wanted our money back and we're wondering how we got suckered into going in the first place. This movie launched a trend of found footage - crap horror films. Thanks a lot!

Trees, dirty walls, winter hats and black and white film aren't intrinsically scary on their own (or together for that matter).

• Number 2 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Maximum Overdrive: Stephen King is the best Horror story-teller ever hands down. What we don't understand is why the vast majority of his novels turned into huge box office stinkers like Maximum Overdrive. This movie is features killer trucks, a truck stop, killer lawnmowers and a soundtrack provided by AC-DC. How could it go wrong? It took Emilio Estevez's career decades to recover from this.

The scariest thing about this movie was Stephen King's appearance in the Trailer

• Number 3 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Did you ever have the sneaking suspicion that your spouse was a giant vegetable or perhaps an alien? Do you find Donald Sutherland's hair to be unusually disturbing? Do you feel paranoid about socialists taking over by 2016? Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions perhaps you might find this movie scary. We didn't - and ye it's safe to eat giant Eggplants.

Are you talking to me ? - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK ?

• Number 4 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Frankenstein (1931): Boris Karloff gave us the Monster Mash, but way before that he played the first Horror superstar - Frankenstein. It's hard to imagine anyone found it frightening back when it came out in the thirties as they were already making fun of it in the 1940's with Abbott and Costello. Universal Studios eventually assembled an Avengers-like ensemble of monsters with the Mummy, Dracula, the Werewolf - but it all started with Frankie. He was also the proto-zombie for all zombie flick as well. But the guy was just too nice to be scary.

Squarehead, dead-Bob ?

• Number 5 Least Scary Horror Film Ever  - The Bride of Frankenstein: Unlike zombies in today's movies, Frankie wanted to hook up with some superfreaks - perhaps it was the result of a fatal dose of Viagra, who knows. Dr. Frankenstein, wanted to make sure Frankie didn't run off with his wife so he decided to make him a playmate (well not a playmate like that). However something went wrong during the last phase of the reanimation and her perm got ruined, but she was still pretty hot (especially after being juiced with 100,000 volts of electricity). Unfortunately, she wasn't too enthused about her blind date with Frankie and things just didn't work out for them.

She's Electrifying ! - But your not the one that I want... do do do

• Number 6 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Scanners:This is the one movie that could have been cured with extra strength Excedrin. Bulging blood veins, heads exploding and an army of mental assassinations fails to make this story interesting or the least bit scary.

Scanners really blew our mind - sorry we couldn't resist

• Number 7 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Fly: Jeff Goldblum provides a whole new dimension to the term, I've got a bug in my program with this horror remake from the 1950's (the original starred Vincent Price and wasn't scary either). While entertaining and sometimes gross, the film never crossed the scary threshold except perhaps for an instant during the dream sequence scene when Gina thinks she's given birth to a giant slug.

• Number 8 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Cujo (and Pet Cemetery): So we've got Stephen King again, pets and a lot supernatural activity - but we're just not feeling it, sorry. Perhaps if they had made the films using a Pit Bull, who knows.

We're pretty sure Cujo is the same lovable dog from the Tom Hank's film Turner & Hootch

• Number 9 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Dreamcatcher: So Stephen King again, sorry Steve - and an all-star cast and aliens this time. Everything happens in Maine of course because that's where Steve places all of his stories, although we heard he lives in Sarasota now so why not any haunted yacht stories? The full-retard alien kid and the toilet and farting scenes make this perhaps one of the the grossest horror films ever but definitely not one of the scariest.

• Number 10 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Paranormal Activity: Let's see, I'll take my crap video camera and turn the lights off and on, scream lot and drop things. Ok - didn't I make this movie when I was five years old. Why aren't I getting the royalties?

Who knew CCTV could be soooooo scary? or not

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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The Worst Ideas in Cinema, Ever

1 - DW Griffith choosing to make the first real movie (The Birth of the Nation) an homage to the Klu Klux Klan - thus inventing all of this in one fell swoop:

• Propaganda films
• The Negative Ad
• 50 years of Hollywood Racial Stereotypes
• The license to rewrite History

The Klan at a Lynching party in The Birth of a Nation...

 It's a wonder Cinema ever recovered from its first feature film.

2 - Madonna appearing as a fencing instructor in the Bond flick, Die Another Day. This scene has haunted us for years.

Never Say Madonna again

3 - Movie concession stand popcorn - Yuk, it's salty toxic waste w/ fake butter on top. 

4 - Jerry Lewis, Pauly Shore, The Gipper...

We're told that this seems humorous in France...

5 - Movie Critics - seriously, what the heck do we know?

6 - Ads in Theaters - We've got TV for that. Please make this go away.

7 - Ratings and Censors - It's not clear that these ever worked and we still haven't figured out what the difference between PG and PG-13 is.

8 - Credits that roll before the movie begins - Why do they deserve credit at that point?

9 - Flash-Backs with the same actor made to look ridiculously young - This is almost always embarrassing.

10 - Extreme Close Ups - no one deserves that - not the actors nor the audience.

Why does zooming in make something scarier?

11 - Copycat Movies - Remember when Sudden Impact and Armageddon came out within weeks of each other? How could studios have ever thought that competing for the exact same idea at the exact same time was clever?

12 - Teen Musicals - from Mickey Rooney to High School Musical, the outcome is always likely to be the same.

Let's have a show!

13 - The Floating Shot - A signature gimmick from director Spike Lee, we still don't get it.

14 - Blacklisting - not cool, really (and neither was Nixon).

15 - Jar Jar Binx - The racist animation that would have seemed at home in D.W. Griffiths, The Birth of a Nation.

Need we say more?

16 - The Expendables - turning being a has-been into a marketing gimmick. Only Stallone could have thought of that.

17 - Just about anything from David Lynch.

18 - Swedish films in general.

Any wonder they picked this guy to play Ming the Merciless in Flash Gordon?

19 - Caged women movies - Prison movies are peculiar genre; this offshoot focusing on women in prison is goofiest part of that genre.

20 - Adding "Drug Lord" anywhere in the synposis caption of the movie description. A recent survey of movies listed on Showtime and Encore channels showed 32% of the movies playing contained the the term "Drug Lord" in their description.

21 - The Celebrity Cameo - Feeding already over-inflated egos to the breaking point.

Mr. Fellini on a bad makeup day...

22 - Fellini - Ok, we had to watch him in film appreciation 101 - but what the hell was this guy thinking?

23 - Product Placement - Maybe this was inevitable, but we don't have to like it.

What's worse than Wayne's World  - this...

24 - Bad Accents - Why can't Hollywood hire actors with the right language skills (or accents) for the role?

25 - British Accents for Romans, Nazis and Aliens - Why does everyone sound like they came out of a English boarding school? Why don't Romans sound Italian? It's just weird.

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