Warning - spoilers ahead...
The other reason we've delayed our critical analysis of Nick Cage's hair is that we've gotten our hands on a treasure trove of exclusive information on the new James Bond film. Bond 23 as it was titled previously, had suspended production last year when MGM went bankrupt. The movie is now finally gearing up again and looks to be ready for a release sometime in 2012. The timing of the release must have played a major role in the new direction the movie is taking.
The Bond 23 production now has a tentative title - "The Hunt for Rogue November."
Plot Synopsis - The premise is this; in a fiercely contested presidential race, MILF candidate Sarah Palin is targeted by an insanely jealous former lover and Russian leader (Vladamir Putin) who attempts to kidnap her and hold her for ransom in his Siberian love-nest. The fiesty former half-governor who doesn't trust Obama's hand-chosen security detail led by Felix Leiter looks to England for a conservative bodyguard she can really trust - who turns out to be Margaret Thatcher's and Prince Charles' little known love-child, James Bond.
At first the two don't get along at all, as London Calling clashes with Wild Alaska - the sparks fly, but soon those sparks become glowing embers of passion. It is an action-packed thriller where the lady being guarded has bigger guns than her protector and James finds himself torn between Queen, Country and the lady in red who has stolen his heart. The Villains in this film will stop at nothing to remove her from the political equation as we are transported to exotic locales like Kenya, Hawaii and Indonesia. The evil Doctora Ariana Huffington makes her premier appearance as she conspires with Putin to trash Palin's Facebook page.
Photo Credit - J. Michael: When it's cold they get hot...
Alternative Titles - There were a number of options for the working title; some that we're seriously considered but rejected include:
- "Ice Melts when it's Hot."
- "Bear on the Horizon."
- "Dancing with the Czars."
- "Fully Automatic & Lovely"
- "The MILF Who Loved Me."
- "A View to Russia (from my porch)."
- "Muckraker."
- "You can Only Serve 2 Terms."
Palin on Putin:
- "James, he doesn't take NYET for an answer."
- In a scene where someone asks whether Putin would go so far as to commit his nuclear forces to get his way - "He certainly knew how to push my buttons."
- "Detente is a four letter word, right?"
- "He's one Polar Bear who doesn't give a shit about Global Warming."
- "She is my Wild Alaska."
- "She put the 'stroik' in Perestroika."
- "If I cannot have her, the American Public certainly will not."
- "She is the Arctic fox to my Russian bear."
- "We will Putin her on ice."
- "I love a woman in red."
- "You're serious, I always thought Thatcher was a man?" when confronted with the secret about James' heritage.
- "You'll always be my top gun, Maverick."
- "I AM your Witch, baby."
- "Can you take out Katy, I mean what use is that stupid license if you never use it?"
- "When I said all night, I meant 6 months, this is Alaska."
- "Let's have a Tea Party at my place."
- "I may be a half governor, but I'm a whole woman."
- "I like my Tea hot, steamy and full of sugar."
- "You remind a lot of mum, except for the glasses."
- "Tweet me if you want to live."
- "We fired Q and now shop entirely at the Sharper Image."
- "I don't understand Hockey, but I love to puck."
- Dr. Ariana: "We will stop her from testing cosmetics on farm animals for good."
- Obama: "Sarah and Vladamir deserve each other, I'm just the matchmaker."
- Felix: "Oprah made me do it."
- Pelosi: "Damn her hair!"
- Putin: "Siberia is for Lovers."
- Obama: "ObamaCare, hah, Obama don't care."
- "He had a bad hair day." Palin upon seeing a henchman losing the top of his head in an elaborate saw trap originally meant for James.
- "It's more fun when they can't shoot back." Palin comparing shooting moose & bad guys.
- "I think he just dropped in the polls." Bond after a henchman plummets from a rugged Alaskan peak.
- "He had a Lead Deficit" Bond after shooting a henchman about 20 times.
- "That was an electrifying speech." Bond after tossing a microphone with an exposed wire to a henchman standing next to a podium in a puddle of water.
- "Drill, Baby Drill" - Palin after a Henchman falls down an oil well.
- "Now, that's a Death Panel." - Bond after being chased in a hospital by henchmen disguised as health care workers, uses faulty Medicaid equipment to blow up five of them in a conference room.
- "Filibuster this!" Sarah punches her way out of a Senate subcommittee filled with henchmen disguised as Congressional Aides.
Copyright 2010, Raving Reviews
