Well, that's either a cross on his face or he jammed his head into a really large wall socket
We're not sure, but we're guessing this story was based on some type of comic book - the dead giveaway up front was all the semi-animated drawings they used for the intro. The problem with that introduction was that it seemed to assume that we understood the back-story a lot better than we do; it's not clear if it is an alternative reality or ours. Anyway, there's this group of killer clerics called the priests - sort of a Jesuit meets Ninja club. In this story, there are no sexy vampires or hip teenage vampires or Counts running around in capes - instead we have these sort of super-sized naked moles with lots of teeth. These vampires don't have eyes and don't seem to be humanoid at all - in fact the big revelation towards the end is that we have this one former Priest (AKA Dr. McCoy from the Star Trek movie) who becomes the first human vampire (again making us wonder about a back story we seem to be missing). Now it does seem clear that there is a resemblance of these super-moles to the original Nosferatu vampire (shown below) who starred in perhaps the first true horror movie ever made.
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| This guy (we call him Nosey) could have been on the X-files, actually we think he was |
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| This is the Vampire Mole. Ok, we definitely prefer Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, below |
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| Where's the sexy silicon vampires when you need them? |
Back to The Priest; this movie is a bit of a mix between sci-fi and horror but it never truly seems to make up its mind. It's a dark, somewhat dismal view of a post-apocalyptic future (which kind of goes without saying) brought about in this case by some type of all out human / vampire war. The characters are pretty thin, despite some serious staring and brooding by Paul Bettany and many looks of longing from Maggie Q. The tension between the Priests and the Church is assumed but never explained and the big plug for the sequel seemed to be reaching a bit too far. All in all we found "The Priest" disappointing and we recommend the producers of this film perform an act of contrition - let's say 3 "Hail Marys and 4 "Our Fathers." The motorcycles were cool though.
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