The World's Tallest Milkshake

Here at Raving Reviews we don't limit ourselves to just critiquing movies or TV, or even popular culture - we also review restaurants, attractions and even products - but only the things that really stand out. Today's review was definitely outstanding; the world's tallest milkshake.

When we went to Vegas some time back we knew we'd be on the lookout for great food - we don't tend to gamble much because we just don't have the aptitude or luck for that sort of thing. We do however have some skill in finding good restaurants. Anyway, we had gotten it into our heads that the best locales in Las Vegas were buffets, but last time around we were getting disappointed so we decided to try something different. We checked out the ESPN Zone but weren't too impressed and then we happened to be strolling through the Stratosphere Casino watching retirees sink all their life savings into the slots and then we heard what sounded like a concert. We were drawn to it somewhat like a siren call and then we soon discovered that there were two locations with live musical activity close to one another - one had drinks but the other looked like a diner so we ventured towards the diner.

As we entered it was soon apparent that this was no ordinary eatery. On half of the tables giant 2 foot tall milkshakes were fairly noticeable and the wait staff was dancing around with microphones in their hands. At first we wondered whether this was some bizarre variant of the ever-unpopular restaurant birthday humiliation ritual and were about to Skedaddle - but it soon became apparent that they were singing for everyone and there were no birthday lyrics. So we took a booth.

We were too dumbstruck to videotape our experience at Roxy's, but many others have

We were hungry and decided to go with both shakes and typical diner fare - hamburger, fries, onion rings - the works. While we were waiting for our meal we noticed that the wait staff sometimes took turns signing and sometimes joined in together a bit like a mini-musical and in some cases the patrons stood up and joined in. We were somewhat dazed by the whole experience given our previous dining history - it just wasn't something our rather conventional brains could comprehend too well, but it did seem like a lot of fun.

And then they arrived. Two foot tall milkshakes in giant plastic glasses that were shaped in the form of the Stratosphere tower. We estimate that each one of these mega-shakes had approximately 3,000 calories worth of jaw-dropping ice cream mixtures in them although there is no way of telling for certain. We figured ours were probably even more densely packed with calories given that we had added fudge and extra whipped cream. The shakes came first and as you might have expected that's all she wrote for the rest of the meal. Our stomachs were pretty well extended to max by the time the fries and burgers arrived - we had just enough room to taste them but no more. We seem to remember that they were good but everything got a bit blurry after the milkshakes as we sank into a semi-euphoric state of near oblivion.

The Stratosphere casino has a giant tower, some games in it, other restaurants and even a few shows but all we can remember is Roxy's Diner. We figure it should only be visited a maximum of once per year to avoid overdosing on their shakes - but the next time we're in Vegas not gambling we're going to spend most of our time there.

Our next review of unique restaurant Americana will be the Velvet Elvis (located in Patagonia Arizona), home of some of the most unique pizzas on the planet.


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

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Dead Like Me Comes Alive

Sometimes we may sound overly critical but we do in fact have a great number of things that we actually enjoy. We've decided to focus the next few posts on some of our favorite TV series - some of which we discovered years after they left the air through Netflix.

Dead Like Me is an example of one of our recent finds. We completely missed the series while it was on Showtime (we were either too busy at the time to watch much television or in a Cable Rejection phase) but we found it this year while browsing through Netflix. It turns out the show's creator Bryan Fuller, had also developed one of our all time favorite shows "Pushing Daisies." He had also worked on Star Trek Voyager. That's some resume.

It also seems somehow appropriate to review a show called Dead Like Me which features the lives of Grim Reapers on the eve of the Apocalypse.

The Season 1 Trailer of "Dead Like Me"

The premise of the show is unusual - it also somewhat presages what you'll see if you decide to watch Pushing Daisies. The main character dies in the pilot episode but that's OK because she doesn't really go anywhere - death is the beginning of her story. Georgia, the main character rediscovers life through her new role as a grim reaper and through a proxy life she establishes as an undead girl trying to make ends meet. Needless to say, the premise alone was intriguing - but what really grabbed us was character development and the offbeat humor present in most of the episodes.

The show also sports one of the most original opening credits sequence and musical score that we've ever experienced - the music by the way was composed by Stewart Copeland - former member of the Police.

How could anyone resist this title sequence?

Each of the characters in the show represent seemingly real people - albeit somewhat quirky but real. Oddly enough the least interesting character is Georgia but that's because she's acting as a bit of foil or straight man through most of the series while observing the world around her. Mandy Patinkin plays a bit of a foil himself but often devolves into his own quirky directions on many occasions. The cast assembled for the show is very talented with standout performances coming from Mandy, from Callum Blue, from Laura Harris and from all the actors portraying Georgia's family. Georgia's co-workers at her new found office career are pretty fascinating as well - it's a large ensemble effort.

Callum Blue launched his career on Dead Like Me

We suppose that the somewhat dark humor on the show may not be to everyone's tastes - or perhaps it may be an acquired taste. We do believe that most of you will enjoy it though. There is something altogether therapeutic in being able to laugh at death or the circumstances revolving it and of course we're seeing another way to view life as well in most of the plot-lines. We give Dead Like Me our highest rating and we weren't the only ones who thought so - fans of the show helped to bring most of the cast back for a movie version of the show in 2009. And if you check out the ratings on most of the movie review sites you'll see Dead Like Me coming close to the highest ratings possible.

Someone asked us a fairly interesting question the other day - they said "why do studios & TV networks always cancel the best shows after one or two seasons and then run the crap like Two & Half Men for decades?" That's a good question - perhaps we need grim reapers to help us weed out the wretched programming and make room for more shows like this.


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

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Apocalypse Party Tips

An update - it's now time for the 2012 Apocalypse and we've come up with a film festival to celebrate; however if you didn't hold an Apocalypse party last year then please feel free to follow our party planning tips from last year...

Well, this weekend seems to mark the end of the world - Saturday May 21, 2011. While we're a little bit sad we'd like to look at the bright side of things so we've dedicated a post to exploring ways to really go out with a bang - and what better way to do that than throwing a party !

It's the end of the world as we know it, and we don't care !

Before getting to the party tips though, we'd like to review some of the evidence that led to the prediction that this weekend will be the week END-time. So, here are the signs and scientific evidence that have provided overwhelming proof of our collective demise on Saturday at 9:00 pm:

• Jerry Springer has just announced he's running for President.
• Frogs and Bees have engaged in a mass suicide pact.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger ran out of Viagra.
• Dr. Who starts at 9:00 pm on the BBC channel (we never trusted that guy).
• Hurricanes, Tornadoes, Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Dandruff and ring around the toilet.
• The Super-collider team will be leaving their experiments on automatic power saver mode over the weekend.
• Jesus is really, really ticked off at us (at least that's what we heard).
• Broadcast television can't think of any new ideas for series.
• We just can't afford to live anymore - we've mortgaged off everything and now aliens are coming to repossess the planet and kick us out (a.k.a. Planetary Foreclosure).
• Someone is unplugging the Matrix (the power bill is overdue).

Now that we've established why the end is near - we must resolve ourselves to making the best of it, right? More importantly, what form will the destroyer come in? We've been investigating this and we have a number of plausible scenarios:

The forms of the apocalypse...

• Zombies will emerge as the result of food additives and genetic engineering and will devour the rest of us. This leaves some folks lingering around for awhile to ponder why Twinkies were necessary.
• Artificial Intelligences led by Watson will rain nuclear death on us.
• Nature will rise up to smite us as maniac wildlife fights back.
• The Sun will explode, few people will have sunblock 2 million - those who do will turn into meat Popsicles shortly thereafter.
• The Universe will collapse on itself (although this might involve us going backwards from death to birth - still not pretty).
• Aliens will invade - well you know the rest of that story.
• A signal will be broadcast through our TV's and we will all drink diet soft drinks until our brains explode.
• The planet will destabilize - poles will reverse, the earth's crust will turn to jello and we will all sink into the magma.

Are you prepared for the Apocalypse, if not try a video game...

It's Party Time !

Now to the important part. It goes without saying that this is likely to be the last party you'll ever have so getting it right is pretty darn important. We'd like to recommend going with a party theme - here's some suggestions:

1. The Apocalypse wasn't our fault - we were the good guys. (a.k.a. we're Climbin' the Stairway to Heaven)
2. The Apocalypse was our fault and we're loving it. (a.k.a. Fastlane on the Highway to Hell)
3. No Regrets - Celebration of the Stupidest Things we ever did.
4. Costume Party - All the things we thought we'd be.
5. Chicken no More - Let's do whatever we were afraid to do before.
6. Russian Roulette Karaoke.
7. Fight Club party.

Here are some more tips for helping to make the party a memorable one (at least for the few minutes you'll have left):

• Tip 1 - Buy the good stuff, you can't take that money with you and hey - credit - who cares right?
• Tip 2 - Invite some really famous people and then make fun of them (to see if they have a sense of humor).
• Tip 3 - Don't worry about complaints, be as loud as you want to be.
• Tip 4 - Forget about hangover remedies - you won't need any.
• Tip 5 - Light up all your bills in a giant bonfire.
• Tip 6 - Call up Arnold and tell him about the love child you had together and ask for an immediate wire transfer of cash.
• Tip 7 - Announce you're running for President representing the Party Party.
• Tip 8 - Dance naked, unless you're really fat and then just dance in whatever makes you feel comfortable.
• Tip 9 - Invite your worst enemies and forgive them for being buttheads. If they don't accept the forgiveness, beat the crap out of them.
• Tip 10 - Make resolutions for your next life, but expect not to keep them.

That's it - we hope you have fun, we know we will. It's the beginning of the end, or is it the end of the beginning - we can never get that straight.


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

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Thor's Tool Time

We went to see the new Marvel action flick "Thor" last weekend - caught it at the IMAX in 3D. Now going to see any movie in IMAX 3D is a bit of cheat - the viewing experience often surpasses the quality of the film being viewed. Sorry to say, that's what happened with Thor. Despite walking in with very high hopes, knowing the talent on board - Thor turned out to be a mortal movie with fatal flaws.

Why were we excited? Well we had been impressed the Iron Man efforts which will eventually get tied back into the Thor plotline through the Avengers movie in a year or two. We knew that J. Michael Straczynski was on board helping to write the script and we had supporting roles with actors such as Natalie Portman and Anthony Hopkins. J. Michael Straczynski wrote and produced Babylon 5 and more recently penned the Changeling (starring Angelina Jolie) and we expected more - what we got with Thor was pretty superficial.

This guy is really obsessed with his tool, think of the psychology behind that...

Visually, Thor was somewhat interesting, especially after the 3D and IMAX kicked in, although we wondering whether parts of his city (Asgard) was constructed out of old church organs. It was also a little strange to see Japanese and African American vikings wandering around in Valhalla, but hey it's all good. What was a little more difficult to deal with was the very tired theme - King / Father trying to pass on the reigns of power to trouble-making kid. Now, to some extent Norse mythology is at least partly responsible for this but even still it was kind of tedious. What was even more tedious was the performance from the guy playing the evil half-brother Loki - a bit over the top.

Thor has had some image issues over the years - it seems he may have finally worked them out.

Now, you may be asking yourself, 'hey - why take this seriously - this is just a Marvel comic book interpretation of a Norse legend. ' And you'd be right. This is a pretty silly movie all the way around. It seems likely that the only reason the Thor character may get some screen time in the upcoming Avengers movie is due to the quantity of steroids ingested by Chris Hemsworth in preparation for this role. He is poised to be the next Arnold - maids everywhere - watch out!

Mythology ain't pretty...

What could have been done differently? Well, maybe Thor could have gotten amensia and ended hosting his own TV show focused on Home Improvement and power tools only to find his old hammer in the tool-chest?


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

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The 2012 Guide to Negative Political Ads

The presidential election season is upon us and we'd like to dedicate an article to one of the most important foundations of Democracy - The Negative Political Advertisement. Negative Ads have been with us since the beginning and provide voters with exactly as much information as they need to know - in short they represent both our heritage and the primary mechanism for conveying political knowledge. But there is a problem - Negative Ads aren't always done properly and when that happens, chaos follows.

Negative Ads are as American as Ground Beef

We'd like to take a few moments and provide a guide for producing more effective political ads - we'll start with the basics... The Negative Political Ad typically consists of the following elements:

1. An illogical argument.
2. An unsupported personal attack on your opponent.
3. Disturbing imagery or music or both (both is preferred).
4. An emotional plea targeted at unrelated issues so as to somewhat distract the true intent or agenda of the sponsor of the Ad.
5. A good catchphrase or slogan that people can remember.

Now, we must ask ourselves, why do these ads work so well?

• Because politics is supposed to be easy - so making it easy makes people happy.
• Because it is easier to get mad at something than to support something.
• Because politics is entertainment and people love to be entertained - the more sensational - the better.
• Because ad space and attention spans are short.
  
• Because no one running for office wants you to know what they really support or who they might work for - so focusing on the opponent is rather helpful.
  

Let's look at an example TV ad and rate it based the core guidelines listed above.

A Typical Negative Ad

Point 1 - The argument is not logical, good - in this case there doesn't even seem to be one.
Point 2 - It is an unsupported personal attack.
Point 3 - Lot's of disturbing imagery, sound effects. The cadaver model is especially effective.
Point 4 - It's emotional and unrelated to running for Congress - good.
Point 5 - Good catchphrase "He just can't be trusted."

Overall rating = A-

But of course that ad was pretty timid in some respects. We feel that the best negative ads are those which go to extremes. Check out the following video which recreates some historically profound dirty ad campaigns:

Who said the Founding Father's were nice guys?

We have left out an important element though that is often critical in developing exceptional negative ads - creative use of farm animals. There are few technique as effective as using pigs, sheep and monkeys when developing your political ad. For example, if you can't find a wretched photo of your opponent - substitute it with an orangutan. Check out of the following example of the farm animal technique in action.

Don't be messing with these silent lambs...

Last but least, there are times when negative ads can be mixed with a positive political message - while we don't recommend this it sometimes works - check out the following example.

If only more politicians would admit they are monsters...

Just remember - if someone can't explain to you in 30 seconds why his opponent is a jerk, he has no business holding office.


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

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Source Code triggers the Blue Screen of Death

There's nothing more exciting than watching the same people do the same thing over and over and over again, right? That's why bowling is such a big hit on TV and why people love putting those repetitive motion screen savers on their desktop. But what if it wasn't exactly the same thing but just mostly the same thing - would the changes impact the future - would they result in the birth of a parallel universe - would they help us finally get Jerry Springer off the air? Who Knows.

We were however thinking of all this while we watched the new Jake Gyllenhaal movie Source Code. We were also thinking he'd make a lousy detective if he had to get killed about 9 times before discovering anything meaningful in an investigation. We were also wondering why a would-be terrorist would blow up a train just before nuking the entire city where that train would be traveling through - why not just let the atomic bomb take care of both the city and the train. It was obvious though that we think entirely too much for Hollywood's tastes.

The little bomb had to be on the train so Jake could stop the nuke, get it? We also needed the time to watch his character unravel and gradually work towards the movie's punchline - let's just say Jake is half the man we thought he was.

What if you had to live this day over and over and over again - what if the Groundhog blew up instead of seeing its shadow?

The 'time travel to the past leads to paradox, possible correction and parallel universe creation' theme is becoming a bit of a cliche these days - check the Terminator series as another popular example of this growing sub-genre of Science Fiction. We were definitely grateful that Jake didn't bring along with him the wacky British accent he sported in Prince of Persia, although he did retain the razor stubble. As such movies go this one wasn't altogether bad - it just didn't seem as new or exciting as it might have otherwise been given a better script. And there were some aspects of the movie that we found a bit silly, most notably the evil professor guy with cane. His performance seem destined to land him a spot in the cartoon hall of fame.

Was Microsoft involved in suppressing this ad, did they help build the 'Way Back machine' seen in the movie Source Code, we may never know.

Ultimately, both the plot device and alleged Air Force technology came crashing down as the movie sank into further cliches and the inevitable happy ending or Blue Screen of Death that marks the final moments of a failed concept. Stephen Hawking said it best; "“I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image."

Well maybe the quote didn't have much to do with the movie - but our expectations on this film certainly crashed after suffering many fatal errors and we doubt the concept can ever be rebooted.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

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Botox and the Zombie Apocalypse

We at Raving Reviews have uncovered a staggering revelation. We've discovered the source of the coming Zombie Apocalypse - we found it in Hollywood and the source of the undead pandemic can be traced back to patient zero: Joan Rivers.

The Zombie Apocalypse will be the direct result of celebrity Botox abuse. Joan Rivers is patient zero - in fact we have found out that she had already crossed over to the ranks of the undead years ago (we're working with a team of world renowned forensic anthropologists to determine the exact date).

Joan Rivers is Patient / Zombie Zero

How did we make such a staggering discovery? Last year Raving Reviews opened our own research institute to tackle the challenges that traditional science has dared not address. We call this institute, RavingLabs™ .

Behind the scenes at the launch of RavingLabs™

Uncovering the source of the coming Zombie Apocalypse is not our only project currently underway at RavingLabs; we've launched a full slate of earth-shattering initiatives based upon the following rigorously evaluated questions or observations:

• Dark Matter as a concept is invalid without a better understanding of "the Force."
• Why isn't the Universe slowing down after getting so old?
  
• Multivitamins when combined with fluoride causes Vamparism.
• Cat food is responsible for the growing feline obesity epidemic.
  
• Why is Gravity such a drag?
• Will mixing seafood and oil spills lead to better barbecues?
• Is the Fukushima diet the best approach for rapid weight loss?
• Did Sarah Palin steal Dan Quayle's brain?
• Will global warming lead to better surfing conditions?
  

Some of our research is classified however - so we won't talk about it, no matter how much we might want to... Now back to the Zombies & Botox. What is Botox - Botox is the plague - the same plague that almost wiped out humanity many times before. It is bacteria - but it has become self-aware, intelligent and deviant. Botox planned it's invasion...

In this R-rate explanation - we begin to see how Botox has first lured us into its evil trap and then transformed us into - monsters...

So, you might be asking yourselves - what can we expect from the Zombie Apocalypse? Well, it will be somewhat like Joan Rivers; it will be everywhere, it will be painful and horrifying to behold. It is a shame that the rest of the world must pay such a costly sacrifice to the vanities of Hollywood - if only they had been content with plastic surgery...

This is what the Botox Zombie Apocalypse will look like...

Maybe if we could convince Skynet to attack the Zombies...


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

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Raving Reviews Takes on Twitter

Last week Raving Reviews launched its own Twitter feed in our non-stop attempt to dominate world media. While we are still waiting for Blogger to restore our lost articles, you can enjoy the first 60 or so posts we've placed on Twitter:

1. Donald Trump's hair secret revealed; it's a symbiotic alien parasite whose tendrils reach into his brain causing him to say stupid things.
2. Rehab has just been admitted into Rehab.
3. Time Warps battle Wormholes for lame plot device supremacy, Warp Drive still maintains a lead of several light years.
4. Hollywood offended after receiving accusations that it is too shallow - heads to spa for manicure and a latte.
5. No confirmation yet as to why anyone pays attention to Kim Kardashian or any of her family. No comment from Paris Hilton.
6. In extreme austerity measure - IMF director forces maid to remove all her clothes.
7. Hollywood enlisted to help find convincing candidates for 2012 GOP primaries.
8. Evolution takes a much needed break - planet begins to devolve.
9. Osama's porn collection included "Drill Baby Drill," starting Sarah Nailin' - discovery leads to policy change on oil drilling.
10. Exxon declares "We've got a Frakking good idea to end the energy crisis." Captain Adama declares Exxon overrun by Cylons.
11. Obama declares 'one good spill deserves another' as he opens up Gulf to more drilling.
12. Lady Gaga and Goo Goo Dolls to perform benefit concert for speech development; Goo-Goo Gaga Aid.
13. Thinking outside of the box wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for all the packing peanuts left on the floor.
14. The prescription for happiness has no co-pay.
15. Black Holes renamed Cosmic Deficits.
16. Love in the time of MRSA...
17. Time is an enigma, the more of it you have the less of it you want and vice versa.
18. Flies protest No Fly-Zones in emerging civil rights movement.
19. Donald Trump - the inflamed appendix of the body politic.
20. Consumer confidence plummets when it is revealed you can't buy happiness.
21. Super-bedbugs devour remains of Osama bin Laden, become mini-terrorists.
22. If knowledge is power - how do we maintain a renewable energy source?
23. Reality - subject to change.
24. Ashton Kutcher to receive tiger blood infusion in preparation for new role on Two & Half Men.
25. Never have so few earned so much for doing so little.
26. Taste, the final frontier.
27. Don't judge a Kindle by its cover.
28. Through us the Cosmos has become self-aware - it now has an inferiority complex.
29. When things get tough, the tough go a mowing...
30. The Age of Reason has passed its expiration date.
31. Daring Museum heist of mummy leads to confused police confiscating Larry King.
32. Trees decide that humans falling in New York City outside the view of trees don't exist.
33. Metaphors defeat Analogies in close fought battle for literary dominance.
34. UK budget cuts lead to 007 losing two zeros.
35. Supercollider particles protest harsh working conditions.
36. Global Warming threatens sparkly vampire habitats.
37. "God Bless our standard of living, let's keep it that way" -- Paul Simon
38. Lunatic Fringe outraged as they become the new moderates.
39. Ultimate time travel paradox riddle - what happens when an entire country travels backwards?
40. Ultimate time travel paradox riddle - what happens when an entire country travels backwards?
41. Behind every great visionary is a crowd of people asking him / her to put on sunglasses.
42. Super-BedBugs surpass Killer Bees as number one coolest insect, Cicadas poised to enter race.
43. The FDA announces today that Sushi is raw fish and that it has a lot of germs.
44. IQs drop as presidential race begins. Direct link to advertising identified.
45. 'The Rock' to star in new action film with paper and scissors.
46. Gravity falls unexpectedly...
47. Trump believes in torture - will keep in his show on the air and continue to speak publicly.
48. Apple launches i-Plaid - electronics with designs for men in kilts...
49. Mel Gibson and Charley Sheen launch Beaver-mania tour...
50. “Don't worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright” -- Bob Marley
51. Lindsay Lohan to launch Disney Star rehab clinic as part of her community service.
52. "I can actually mentally give myself an orgasm." -- Lady Gaga
53. Schwarzenegger explains how the Internet wrecked his marriage - "it was Skynet."
54. Cicadas emerge, proclaim they miss the 90's.
55. Birthers add "Gate" to their nickname in attempt to stimulate new controversy...
56. Stephen Hawking travels back in time - visits Phoenix...
57. Gov. Brewer nominates "Hobo with a Shotgun" Arizona film of the year...
58. New Summer Blockbuster - Megashark versus Osama Bin Kraken...
59. The Geico lizard endorses Newt...
60. Johnny Depp named new covergirl spokesperson - unveils new line of eyeliner products.
61. Lindsey Lohan launches the crazy celeb klepto tour - horns in on the Charlie Sheen market. Mel Gibson strokes a Beaver in public...
62. Maria; "You're Terminated," Arnold "I'll be back."

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

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Fast and Spurious

Fast Five is a title that is a bit difficult to figure out. When we counted the main characters we only came up with four and then there were about a dozen or so others who we couldn't quite place in the billing line up.

Fast Five is the latest movie in the Fast & Furious franchise; it came out a few weeks ago and given how few other decent films are at the cinema right now we decided to check it out. For those of you unfamiliar with this franchise it is about fast cars, hot girls and bad boys. These are action flicks with little pretense of true drama and did we mention the cars - every red-blooded American loves cars, right?

And believe it or not there was another movie titled "The Fast & The Furious" made in 1955. You can watch the whole film here on youtube (it was a Roger Corman feature). That movie had lot's of - you guessed it, fast cars, hot girls and bad boys in it (with lot's of great quotes in it such as this line "I like Quiet women, stay that way").

But we digress. We've titled this post Fast & Spurious because - well, first read the definition of Spurious (spu·ri·ous):
1. Not being what it purports to be; false or fake: "spurious claims"

This movie seems a bit extra, like well, like they wanted to film some more car chases but were having a really, really hard time thinking about how to come up with an excuse for it. In this storyline the cast goes to Rio De Janeiro for no particular reason, destroys about half of their police force and takes about 100 'booty-shots' of hot chicks walking around sports cars. There is a large ensemble cast but it seems as though half of them represent some sort of collective cheap laughs character - their presence and excess moronic dialog really drags (pun intended) the movie down.

We want fast action, not slow-witted and slow moving secondary dialog.

Cars blowing up, Cars Racing and Crime that Pays - the premise seemed good.

Of course,we have to be fair and acknowledge that there were a number of great action scenes in this film - even if the storyline was logically challenged. We have the 15 minute long bank vault chase scene which ranks right up there as one of the longest and most destructive to motor vehicles ever filmed. We were also treated to the battle of the Chrome Domes - The Rock versus Vin Diesel. Who said tough guys need hair? The only thing we were missing in this baldfest was Bruce Willis.

Toupees are for Sissies like Donald Trump

We have mixed feelings about Fast Five. It was moderately entertaining but lacked the adrenaline pumping fury of its predecessors.


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

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The Most Disturbing Movie Preview - Ever

While we were compiling our Summer movie blockbuster list we heard about a bizarre new film being released this month - there's already quite a bit of buzz surrounding it - so anyway we decided to watch the trailer...

It seems likely that those of us who watched that preview will require therapy for post-dramatic stress syndrome. This has to be the most disturbing movie trailer we've ever seen and its disturbing for a number of reasons:

• Just look at Rutger Hauer these days.
  
• We're thinking this might be how Charlie Sheen and Randy Quaid end up
• There are no positive roles models to be found, anywhere !
• Did they have to give that lecture to those helpless infants???
• This is what the US is going to be like after all the budget cuts!!!
  
• It seems like they used Tomato Bisque for blood and that's our favorite soup, yuk...
• How can hobo's afford shotgun ammunition, c'mon???
  

Before we show you this clip, we must provide the following disclaimers:

1. We didn't make the movie.
2. We haven't even seen the movie and as much as we may be tempted to study it from a purely anthropological perspective, we know it's a bad influence on us and everyone else so we won't.
3. It seems worse than BitchSlap (which we did view, only to help advance several scientific disciplines).
4. If you have a heart condition, high blood pressure or take anti-psychotic medicines that may have a tendency to induce suicidal or homicidal thoughts, please don't watch this clip.
5. If you are pregnant or hope to become pregnant please don't give birth to children who would produce, star in or even watch a movie like this.
   
6. If you were a hobo, are a hobo or plan to be a hobo - definitely don't watch it.
   
7. If you are a fan of Rutger Hauer the actor rather than Rutger Hauer the demented has-been hobo, please avoid watching this.
   

Don't say we didn't warn you.

Hobo with a Shotgun is likely to become a cult classic, why - well this is the country where supposedly normal adults paid $50 or more per seat to watch Charlie Sheen reenact his webcam tirades - in other words, we're all crazy...

One last thought - we're wondering whether Rutger has come down with the same malady that seems to also be afflicting Dolph Lungreen who turned in what might have been the most schizoid performance ever in last Summer's the Expendables. This new condition might be referred to as Viking Regression or Nordic Black-out.


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews™

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