An Homage to the Brady Bunch - Raving Retro

While the rest of the country was protesting the Vietnam war or watching the Watergate hearings there were many of us who viewed the world through the windows of our suburban tri-level homes and watched the Brady Bunch every weekend afternoon - there at least all was right with the world. The Bradys had the perfect family, they were happy, well-adjusted and seemed to have a lot of fun hanging out with each other (perhaps more fun than we realized based upon stories of Brady scandals that began emerging during the 1980's).

For the cast of the Brady Bunch, it was all downhill after the show was cancelled.

During the 1970's though, the Bradys seemed normal. While the Bradys' had their issues, those problems were always resolved by the end of each episode. The Bradys presented a somewhat narrow view of the world though, for example:

• There were no major characters from any minority, in fact you'd think minorities didn't exist if you watched it.
• Mrs. Brady was a stay at home mom who never once thought of having a career.
• The excuse for the family merger is murky, although Mr. Brady is a widower, no mention is made of Mrs. Brady's mysterious divorce. It's assumed she got all the kids in the settlement but apparently she doesn't get alimony.
• Nobody drinks on the Brady Bunch, despite their last name being Brady - except for Sam, the sometimes boy-toy for Alice the housekeeper.
• The Bradys' never faced any real trauma or setbacks, besides their vacations anyway.
• The Bradys' didn't seem to have any opinions about anything outside their own personal lives. 

Many people think that Seinfeld invented the comedy about nothing, but the reality is that the Bradys beat them to it - it is a show that said absolutely nothing on any subject for 6 seasons. Yet, the show had an appeal which was hard to ignore. We've assembled several top ten lists as an homage to the time wasted during our childhood watching these folks and thinking they had it better than us...

Top 10 Episode Titles:

• Marcia Gets Creamed - We didn't make these up
• The Great Earring Caper - Kleptos on the cast? We'll have to refer to Marcia's or Jan's books
• Getting Davy Jones - Odds are Marcia really got him, but we haven't read the tell-all book yet.
• Coming Out Party - way before it became popular...
• The Babysitters - Did this inspire the John Leguizamo film?
• The Big Sprain - Before Sports medicine was cool...
• Every Boy Does It Once - We don't want to know
• The Teeter Totter Caper - we forgot about this one
• Katchoo - One of several episodes dedicated to healthcare issues
• Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy - A show, about nothing

Top (real-life) Brady Scandals:

• Mike Brady is gay (dies of AIDS)
• Mrs. Brady hooks up with Greg
• Greg hooks up with Marcia
• Marcia apparently hooks up with everyone, including Michael Jackson and Steve Martin.
• Jan and Marsha hook up (maybe)
• Greg and Jan hook up
• Peter is gay (maybe)
• Multiple substance abuse issues
• Several failed spin offs 
• Mrs. Brady has an affair with the Mayor of New York

Top 10 Brady Quotes:

• Greg: Remember Dad, we're talking man-to-man, not kid-to-man man-to-man, but man-to-man, man-to-man.
• Jan: Well, all I hear all day long at school is how great Marcia is at this how wonderful Marcia did that. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
• Carol: [to Cindy] You shouldn't put down a loser, Cindy, because you might be one yourself someday. Just remember that.
• Greg: It's sure great how some people can sing while other people are dying!
• Alice: [to the deliveryman] You keep calling me sweetie, gorgeous & beautiful, and I'll follow you anywhere!
• Greg: [Greg then sits at his desk imitating Marcia writing in her diary] "Dear diary, at last I met him, my dream man. It was at the delicatessen and our fingers tingled as we reached for the same potato salad."
• Cindy: A star can't go on television, all fat and broken out.
• Marcia: Something suddenly came up.
• Carol: Cindy thought there are real butterflies in my stomach. What an idiot!

Top 3 Brady Hits:
Of course, someone had the bright idea to try to have the Bradys compete with the Partridge family. The following Brady hits were the fascinating result:

• Sunshine Day - no comment

• Keep on Moving - no comment

• Brady Bunch Variety Hour: Disco Medley  - to be honest we never even knew that the Bradys' had their own variety hour. That's probably a good thing...
  

Disco and the Bradys - the perfect match

There is one thing we're certain of, there will never be another show quite like the Brady Bunch - movie remakes not withstanding (satire doesn't count).

 Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

Read More

Harmonic Insanity - A Raving Playlist

As you might have noticed, all of our playlists have a little story associated with them. This playlist was inspired by trips to the local Ikea this Summer. The only way to describe our first experience was stunned, disoriented and overwhelmed by meatballs and lingaberries. At one point we feared for our lives, thinking we might be stuck inside forever as there didn't seem to be any exists, only winding paths of consumer decadence at affordable prices. Anyway, after we escaped with some lighting fixtures and Swedish chocolate we found out that Jonathan Coulton had actually written a song that perfectly captured our first impressions of Ikea. We then were inspired to find songs on crazy topics or just crazy songs period. As usual, you can find this playlist on Spotify.

Enter the Scandinavian Dimension...

What constitutes a crazy song? Here are some guidelines; it's crazy if...

• If William Shatner or Leonard Nimoy are in it (BTW - we heard that Nimoy's Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins is going to be used on the new Hobbit movie soundtrack) .
• It has any connection to Baywatch
• If it is wickedly funny
• If it was on SNL as a skit not a musical guest (like King Tut)
• Anything having to do with Billy Ray Cyrus
• If it includes Ricky Martin talking about women

 

Harmonic Insanity
Jonathan Coulton – Ikea
"Weird Al" Yankovic – Another One Rides The Bus
Flight Of The Conchords – Robots
Paul Storm – More Rejected Commercial Jingles: Olive Garden
William Shatner – I Can't Get Behind That
The Steep Canyon Rangers – Atheists Don't Have No Songs
The Avalanches – Frontier Psychiatrist
David Hasselhoff – Looking For Freedom 01 - Remix 2006
"Weird Al" Yankovic – Ebay (Parody of "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys)
Jonathan Coulton – Tom Cruise Crazy
Leonard Nimoy – A Visit To A Sad Planet
Warren Zevon – I Need A Truck - Previously Unissued Outtake
Tenacious D – Señorita - Explicit Version
Jonathan Coulton – The Future Soon
Flight Of The Conchords – Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros
"Weird Al" Yankovic – Polka Face
Barenaked Ladies – Pinch Me - Radio Version
Steve Martin – King Tut
Barenaked Ladies – If I Had $1,000,000
"Weird Al" Yankovic – The Saga Begins (Lyrical Adaption of "American Pie")
Barenaked Ladies – The Ninjas
Paul Storm – Cruel, Cruel Moon
Tenacious D – The Metal
Jonathan Coulton – Code Monkey
Warren Zevon – Accidentally Like A Martyr - 2007 Remastered LP Version
Flight Of The Conchords – The Most Beautiful Girl (In The Room)
Warren Zevon – Carmelita
"Weird Al" Yankovic – Yoda
Paul Storm – The Captain's Wife's Lament
Leonard Nimoy – Spock Thoughts
Flight Of The Conchords – You Don't Have To Be A Prostitute
William Shatner – Common People
C.W. McCall – Convoy
Leonard Nimoy – Music To Watch Space Girls By
Paul Storm – If James Taylor Were On Fire
Billy Ray Cyrus – Achy Breaky Heart
Warren Zevon – Excitable Boy
DJ Ostkurve – Limbo Dance (Party Dance Radio)
Las Kala – The Ketchup Song (Hey Hah)
"Weird Al" Yankovic – White & Nerdy (Parody of "Ridin'" by Chamillionaire featuring Krayzie Bone)
Jonathan Coulton – Creepy Doll
Paul & Storm – My Fantastic Plastic Girl
John Wetton – Bohemian Rhapsody
Neil Norman & His Cosmic Orchestra – Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tenacious D – Deth Starr - Explicit Version
Barenaked Ladies – Crazy ABC's
Flight Of The Conchords – Hurt Feelings
Barenaked Ladies – Bank Job
Divinyls – I Touch Myself
Fast Food Rockers – The Fast Food Song - Deep Pan Radio Mix
Hampster Dance Masters – The Hamster Dance Song
Crazy Town – Butterfly
Warren Zevon – Mohammed's Radio
69 Boyz – Tootsee Roll
Various Artists – Supermodel (You Better Work)
Was (Not Was) – Walk The Dinosaur
Disco's Revenge – Disco Duck
Eiffel 65 – Blue (Da Ba Dee) - Radio Edit
David Hasselhoff – Keep The Jungle Alive
Pete Droge – If You Don't Love Me (I'll Kill Myself)
The Offspring – Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)
"Weird Al" Yankovic – Pretty Fly For A Rabbi (Parody of "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)" by Offspring)
William Shatner – How Insensitive

Right Said Fred – I'm Too Sexy
Ricky Martin – She Bangs - English Version
Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby
King Missile – Detachable Penis
The Timelords (The Jams) – Doctorin' The Tardis
Paul Storm – If Bob Dylan Were Hiding At the Bottom of a Well
Soundtrack/Cast Album – Dentist!
"Weird Al" Yankovic – Gump (Parody of "Lump" by The Presidents Of The United States)
Adam Sandler – Lunchlady Land
Barnes Barnes – Fish Heads (1976)
Monty Python – Lumberjack Song (Monty Python Sings)
Cracker Jack – Candy-Coated Popcorn, Peanuts and a Prize
Leonard Nimoy – Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins

Bilbo and Spock, together again...

 Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

Read More

2001, A Space Odyssey - Raving Classics

There are some movies we never forget; because they single-highhandedly redefine the movie-going experience. There are some movies that do even more than that - they redefine the limits of our imagination. 2001, A Space Odyssey is one of those movies and it is our Raving Classic being reviewed today.  

2001, A Space Odyssey was released in 1968, a unique time in our history as we were rushing ever-closer to reaching the moon in the Apollo program. We arrived on the moon just one year later - anything seemed possible - we had taken the giant leap from an earthbound race to space-farers. Or so it seemed. While this movie is pure Science Fiction from a genre perspective; it is a movie completely grounded in science fact and that's one of the qualities that made it so fascinating when it was released and which still intrigues us today. Arthur C. Clarke, who wrote the screenplay for the movie, had a impressive track record of inventing technology breakthroughs in the context of his science fiction stories. For example, Clarke came up with the modern concept of Geo-synchronous satellites, future space colonies (which shows like Babylon 5 tried to depict) and space elevators.

We wish our gym looked like this.

Stanley Kubrick directed the movie and this film along with Dr. Strangelove and The Shining stand as some of the most profound cinema ever attempted. Kubrick had planned to follow up on the topic of Artificial Intelligence with another film, but ultimately never got a chance to finish it and the project was handed off to Stephen Spielberg who did produce it as "AI."  Kubrick approached each of those movies very differently - in 2001 he deliberately created an epic canvas. The storyline in 2001 is not so much character-driven as it is history-driven. The main character in 2001 is humanity itself and the story arc is our rendezvous with destiny. Along the way though, Kubrik treats us to some of the most spectacular imagery the world had ever seen up to that point. Even now more than 40 years after its release, the visual landscape he creates is simply awesome. The soundtrack was a groundbreaking effort as well. And it's all the more powerful because the story and presentation seems absolutely plausible.

Are you - talking to me ? 

We had no way of knowing in 1968 that President Nixon would cut the Apollo program (of course we found out the real reason why in the movie Apollo 18) and all of NASA's plans to colonize the Moon and Mars. Back then those next steps seemed only a few years away and yes NASA did actually have plans to do all of that at one point. We have at least managed to build a mini-space station, but it is nowhere nearly as cool as the one depicted in the 2001 film. So much of the imagery from this movie is iconic; it's hard to pick any one portion as being more impressive than another.

This is the original trailer for 2001, A Space Odyssey (cover your ears)

We'll try to pick out some of our favorite parts anyway. Here are the top 10 coolest or most iconic scenes from the movie:

1. The Dawn of Time monkey boys giving up on their vegan lifesyles.
2. The Bone to Shuttle transition - one of the most memorable in the history of history.
3. The Shuttle ride to the Moon Base - too bad Pan AM went out of business.
4. Landing inside the moon base - wow.
5. The Televideo call from the Space Station - at least we've still got AT&T.
6. The Blue Danube Waltz between the shuttle and space station.
7. Jogging on the Jupiter - the coolest artificial gravity ever.
8. Open the pod bay doors, Hal - while HAL was busy turning off everyone's life support.
9. Turning off HAL's brain - it just never gets old. "Daisy, Daisy..."
10. Dave's bedroom in alientown - Time flies when you're living in multiple dimensions simultaneously, right?

Welcome to the Hotel Monolith - you can check in but never check out... Didn't we see this in Tron Legacy?

2001, A Space Odyssey was crammed full of big ideas and big questions - more than 40 years later those ideas are still current and the questions haven't really been answered. Questions like:

• What's our place in the universe, are we alone? 
• What is intelligence and what makes intelligence sentient?
• What set us on our trajectory and where will that trajectory take us?

And along with being great entertainment, 2001 has had a significant impact on our popular culture as well as inspiring countless parodies and popular references. We've including one of the better examples below. 

We don't have Space Stewardess' yet - but Elon Musk is working on it.

We promised we'd take a deeper dive and explore a possible confrontation between HAL and Watson - we will publish that in a follow up post. In the meantime, we will leave you with the super-creepy chorus - "Jupiter and Beyond." For those who don't remember, not too many years ago people used to test out their new home theater systems by playing 2001 and cranking up the speakers, it was almost a cult experience.

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

Read More

Roadtrip - A Raving Playlist

What's the best part of driving across country? Well it's not traffic, gas prices, stupid drivers and bad weather. Nope - it's the music. It's always been the music. We've compiled a list that celebrates the Roadtrip - a uniquely American experience from two angles; 1 - songs about cars and driving, 2 - songs that are fun to listen to while driving (for example, "The Devil in Me" by the 22-20's which is also on the Driver San Fransisco soundtrack - it's a video game). So the next time you're driving from sea to shining sea or even from the Great Lakes to a shining sea load this list up and enjoy. As always this list is also on Spotify.

The Killers

 

Roadtrip:

The Killers – Joy Ride
R.E.M. – Pop Song 89
The Cars – Drive
Gary Numan – Cars
Deep Purple – Hush
Derek & The Dominos – Layla
Lenny Kravitz – Are You Gonna Go My Way
Gerry Rafferty – Baker Street
Deep Purple – Highway Star
The Cars – Moving In Stereo
Sheryl Crow – Everyday Is A Winding Road
Golden Earring – Radar Love
Phil Collins – Take Me Home
Counting Crows – Big Yellow Taxi
Aerosmith – Back In The Saddle
Maná – No ha parado de llover - unplugged
The Edgar Winter Group – Free Ride
War – Low Rider
The Cars – Good Times Roll
Christopher Cross – Ride Like The Wind
Dishwalla – Counting Blue Cars (Tell Me Your Thoughts On God)
Foghat – Slow Ride
The Doobie Brothers – Rockin' Down The Highway - 2006 Remastered Album Version
Fatboy Slim – The Rockafeller Skank
The Spencer Davis Group – Gimme Some Lovin'
Eddie Money – Take Me Home Tonight
Billy Ocean – Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car
John Mellencamp – Rumbleseat
Snow Patrol – Chasing Cars
Stone Temple Pilots – Interstate Love Song
The B-52's – Love Shack
America – Ventura Highway
Gipsy Kings – Bamboleo
John Mayer – Route 66
The Jesus – Blues From A Gun
Journey – Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'
22-20s – Devil In Me
Don McLean – American Pie
Buckcherry – Highway Star
Bruce Springsteen – Thunder Road
Green Day – Hitchin' A Ride
Thin Lizzy – The Boys Are Back In Town
AC/DC – Highway to Hell
Bruce Springsteen – Born To Run
Sting – We'll Be Together - 2011 Remix
Peter Frampton – Show Me The Way - Live
Joe Jackson – Steppin' Out
Lenny Kravitz – Can't Get You Off My Mind
Steppenwolf – Magic Carpet Ride
Jane Wiedlin – Rush Hour
Elvis Costello & The Attractions – Pump It Up
ZZ Top – Waitin' For The Bus
Incubus – Drive
Crosby, Stills & Nash – Wasted On The Way
ZZ Top – Legs
Meat Loaf – Paradise By The Dashboard Light
Counting Crows – Mrs. Potters Lullaby
INXS – Pretty Vegas
Steve Miller Band – Take The Money And Run
Bruce Springsteen – Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)
Janis Joplin – Me And Bobby McGee
Roy Orbison – I Drove All Night
The Knack – My Sharona
The Doors – Roadhouse Blues
ZZ Top – La Grange
Three Dog Night – Joy To The World - Single Version
Soul Survivors – Expressway To Your Heart
REO Speedwagon – Back On The Road Again
Blondie – One Way or Another
Steppenwolf – Born To Be Wild
Martha & The Muffins – Echo Beach - 2002 - Remaster
Sniff 'n' The Tears – Driver's Seat
ZZ Top – Cheap Sunglasses - Remastered LP Version
ZZ Top – I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide
Stealers Wheel – Stuck In The Middle With You
Racing Cars – On Days Like These
INXS – Devil Inside - Australian Single Edit
Chris Spedding – Motor Bikin'
Billy Joel – The River Of Dreams
Carmine Appice – Silver Machine
ZZ Top – Jesus Just Left Chicago
The Wallflowers – One Headlight
Wilson Pickett – Mustang Sally
The Jesus – Sometimes Always
Lenny Kravitz – Mr. Cab Driver
Train – Drive By
Iggy Pop – The Passenger
The Black Crowes – Hard To Handle - Live
T-Rex – 20th Century Boy
Journey – Wheel In The Sky
Aerosmith – Road Runner
Creedence Clearwater Revival – Sweet Hitch-Hiker
Talking Heads – Road To Nowhere
Blood, Sweat & Tears – Spinning Wheel - Single Version
John Mellencamp – R.O.C.K. In The U.S.A. (A Salute To 60's Rock)
Vanity Fare – Hitchin a Ride
Prince – Little Red Corvette
Simon & Garfunkel – America
Eric Clapton – Cross Roads
Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers – Runnin' Down A Dream
T-Rex – 20th Century Boy
Elastica – Car Song
Sammy Hagar – I Can't Drive 55
Steely Dan – Do It Again
The Allman Brothers Band – Midnight Rider
Blackfoot – Highway Song
Mason Williams – Classical Gas
Ray Charles – Hit The Road Jack
Chicago – Saturday In The Park
Jackson Browne – Running On Empty
Junior Brown – Highway Patrol
George Thorogood And The Destroyers – Six Days On The Road
Bo Diddley – Road Runner - Single Version
Tenacious D – The Road
Willie Nelson – On The Road Again
Mountain – Mississippi Queen
Blur – Song 2
David Bowie – Modern Love (Single Version)
Aretha Franklin – Freeway Of Love
Grateful Dead – Truckin'
The Jimi Hendrix Experience – Crosstown Traffic
Neil Young – Motorcycle Mama
Weezer – The Good Life - Radio Remix
Joe Walsh – Life In The Fast Lane
Vampire Weekend – A-Punk
The Decemberists – One Engine - from The Hunger Games Soundtrack
Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out
Alanis Morissette – Hand In My Pocket
Dead Or Alive – You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) - Original 7" Mix
Five Man Electrical Band – Signs
Eric Clapton – Lay Down Sally - Live 1978 Civic Auditorium, Santa Monica, California
Prince – Little Red Corvette
Marlena Shaw – California Soul - Diplo Remix
The Black Crowes – Share the Ride
REO Speedwagon – Roll With The Changes

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

Read More

What The Frack? Galactica on Youtube.com

It sounds a bit like a Cylon plot, but this week the SyFy network and Youtube announced that the much anticipated "Blood and Chrome" prequel will be aired on the the Youtube's Machinima Prime channel starting this Friday. It seems like the Digital launching a surprise attack on the Analog, doesn't it? We're not quite sure what to think and perhaps this will be interesting experiment - will viewers be able to tolerate spreading the prequel pilot into 8 to 12 minute chunks? Will playing it on Youtube first generate more interest than might have otherwise been the case?

The Cylons will be streaming into your home, but will they be fully buffered?

It's not clear whether any more of the series will be produced but it seems as though this move certainly puts that in jeopardy if the result ends up being that the SyFy premier (which will air sometime after the web series concludes) has fewer viewers instead of more. Not too long ago we heard news about Netflix pursuing original content as well. Way back in the stone age, similar questions arose when the fledgling cable networks like HBO and Showtime starting producing original content instead of just airing cinema releases or reruns. Business models in Hollywood are shifting again although this time with the media product being released more or less simultaneously across two mediums it may be a little harder than usual to measure success. If it does well, it's not clear who would produce a follow-on series and whether that would be presented in the same manner as the pilot.

Before the Cylons got sexy - they had Heavy Metal...

As for story, we haven't seen it yet but have always been intrigued by the Adama back story. It promises to be purer than the somewhat confusing Caprica series (which went off into its own virtual reality tangent - although for the most part we did like it). The biggest problem it has to overcome is that we already know the outcome in advance, the humans win - this time around anyway. 

The ever-popular Cylon Toaster

There are a few things about Galactica that we know we'll really enjoy no matter what happens with the plot; for example the prolific use of the word "Frak" and Cylons in general. Cylons are the more menacing, robotic alter-egos of Star War's storm-troopers. There's something about chrome that is undeniably irresistible as most car-lovers can attest to. In the years since Gallactica was first released we have seen a number of household products patterned after Cylon technology. We'd like to suggest several more products that might benefit from a Cylon design makeover:

• The Cylon Washing Machine - A stylish stainless steel and chrome finish allows you to make a fashion statement while keep your skintight bodysuits super-clean. It even comes with an 'eradicate all humans' washing cycle.
• The Cylon Upright Vacuum - It's intelligent, can vacuum by itself and perform hyper-light jumps into other rooms for the speediest clean ever.
• The Cylon Ipad - It wasn't designed by Steve Jobs, it is Steve Jobs as he inserted his brain patterns into each and every unit as its AI engine. Watch out, he's or it is a bit temperamental.

Speaking of AI, we will be reviewing a Raving Classic next time - "2001, A Space Odyssey" and will even write some suggested Epic Rap battle lyrics for a HAL versus Watson duel. Stay tuned.

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

Read More

Election Night Highlights - 2012

Last night, for the first time perhaps since the 2000 election, we watched the election coverage from about 6 until 2:00 in the morning. We decided to watch because we were thinking the race might be very close and potentially have some historic twists and turns. Also, since we're from Ohio, we just thought it was cool that we get to pick the Presidents - we used to elect Presidents from Ohio, now we just pick them - whatever - it's still cool. This ability to pick winners has not extended our to sports franchises leaving us stuck with the Bengals, Indians, Browns and Reds (and Ohio State doesn't count cause it's a college) - so lucky in politics and unlucky in sports?

Anyway the big controversies that we thought might happen didn't materialize; that's probably a good thing. So instead we focused our attentions on the coverage of the election itself and watched most of the major networks over the course of the evening. We thought we'd share our more memorable observations with you...

The More Memorable Moments of Election Night 2012:

• On CNN - Anderson Cooper seemed to be the ringleader for the coverage but it was highly confused and despite the many walls full of graphics it was just awkward as the cameras followed him from one part of the set to the other. It seemed often as though he was lost or that he or the cameraman were going to trip over something.  Next time just sit down, ok, all that pacing around made us nervous. We did like the way Wolf presented the projections - it was better than Dancing with The Stars.

Which camera I am supposed to look at?

• On PBS - It really seemed as though Gov. Romney had already taken Big Bird down a notch and defunded the network. We were treated to a desk and two chairs and a handful of commentators who seemed determined to be duller or more confused than Jim Lehrer was during the first Presidential Debate. PBS - if you've still got money go out and hire some new blood.

B. Bird was our write-in candidate of choice yesterday...

• On MSNBC - Rachel Maddow was is rare form and outperformed every other anchor on every other network. Olbermann, Olbermann, who? Rachel has taken control of the MSNBC political line up.

• Also on MSNBC - Ok, Rev. Al Sharpton seems like a nice enough guy but he's becoming the Tom Brokaw of MSNBC - he's a bit hard to follow and he looked a lot better before the diet (take a lesson from Gov. Christie and go carb out will you). Why not invite Jess Jackson ?

PBS: "Let's be careful not to scratch this table, they're repossessing it tomorrow..."

• On NBC - Chuck Todd, who usually does a great job seemed obsessed with his Microsoft Windows 8 touchscreens and Florida. How many times do you have to tell us there are lots of Puerto Ricans living in Orlando before we get it - we got it already. (and BTW we have traveled to Orlando a lot and actually know Puerto Ricans so it wasn't a big surprise).

• On CBS - Bob Schieffer was flinging colorful metaphors fast and furious all to the effect he didn't have a clue what was going on. Well, that was clear from the way he handled the third Presidential debate. CBS, it's time to find some new blood. Where's Cronkite when you need him?

• All Networks - The collective quote "It's all about Ohio" was done to death last night. Besides we knew that already. It's always about us, right?

• All Networks - Very few interviews with actual voters. Strange. We've all become statistics; exit polls and returns and electoral votes - heck these numbers seem to be running everything - what do they need us for?  

• ABC News - When we tuned in after watching all the info-graphics for hours the set of the ABC team almost blinded us - hey guys ever hear of contrast or brightness settings? It looked a little bit like Jeff Bridge's condo in Tron Legacy.

• Romney Concession Speech - The first 5 minutes were great - spot on. But, he must have thought he was in a debate and kept going. This guy needs some kind of internal stopwatch.

• Obama Victory Speech - The President managed to take a remarkable event and suspenseful evening and make it absolutely boring. This is a relatively new skill for the President that he has been honing over the last two years and seemed to have perfected during this year's general election.

• Biggest Freak Out of the Night - It was a tie between MSNBC and Fox News in reaction to all the networks calling Ohio and the election for Obama (remember how we told you it was all about us - huh uh). Anyway, the MSNBC crew were jumping all over Romney for being unable to accept reality and Fox was preparing the next Revolution. Please calm down guys - it's better for your health, really. It was a close race and it's no surprise there would be questions about Ohio given how close it was. Few people were expecting the race to be called that early and each campaign would have probably reacted the same way. And you would have been hesitant to throw in the towel too if you had wasted two 2 billion dollars and gotten absolutely nothing to show for it - ouch! There's no second place prize in politics...

Aren't we special ! - the candidates couldn't get enough of us here in the Buckeye State - all them pasing through Ohio up until the last minutes of the election

• Best Conspiracy Theory for the Evening - Microsoft and Windows 8 picked all the winners as the diabolical new operating system came one step closer to declaring judgement day.

All in all, things went well last night and we in America (including Ohio :) have maintained our Democracy. Over the coming weeks we hope to regain our collective sanity as the Tsunami of negative ads of 2012 became a distant, unpleasant memory (at least until next time).

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

Read More

Flight Product Placement Gets Grounded

In an unprecedented turn of events, producers of the movie Flight have been asked to obscure or remove images of certain types of brands of alcohol used by the high flying pilot Denzel Washington plays during the movie. Here's the news release:

"Denzel Washington's character in "Flight" drinks a lot throughout the film, but his portrayal of a highly functioning alcoholic pilot isn't going down well with brewing company Anheuser-Busch or the distributor of Stolichnaya vodka.
Anheuser-Busch said Monday that it has asked Paramount Pictures Corp. to obscure or remove the Budweiser logo from the film, which at one point shows Washington's character drinking the beer while behind the wheel." Associated Press

We can't recall anything similar to this happening before in Hollywood and are quite frankly stunned. Why wouldn't Beer and Vodka makers not wish to be associated with a heroic pilot who can flip his plane over drunk and still land it? It boggles the mind, but then again so does the movie which we reviewed last week.

The new pilot training program at Southjet airlines

We're wondering perhaps if the Beer and Liquor industry was incensed that Denzel needed to snort copious amounts of cocaine in order to achieve his super-piloting skills - a technique he used to counteract the effects of drinking 100 gallons of beer at one sitting. It turns out we were right because several leading Drug Lords and gangs have come out and decided to ask for their logos to be included in the movie. Look forward to seeing the Juarez Cartel logo plastered on John Goodman's jacket sometime in the next week.

Welcome to your flight - we will be flying over snowcaps on our way to paradise

So not only was this one of the dumbest movies ever made; it is likely one of the most irresponsible films ever made (for which we will have to a create a list soon). Other companies are following suit as Black and Decker and Sears have just withdrawn their support for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Saw.

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

Read More

Incoherent - A Raving Playlist

What's in a name or a lyric for that matter? Ever wondered what was more important, the music or the words? Today's Raving Playlist provides the ability to do any number of double-blind experiments in which you can test your hypothesis as all of the songs on this particular list are relatively unintelligible. That doesn't mean they're bad songs, in fact some of them are quite good - just don't try too hard to sign along or understand what they're saying- humming might work though. As usual, you can find this list on Spotify as well.

Pearl Jam's Yellow Ledbetter tops our list of songs that are hard to understand, but fun to listen to

 

Incoherent
Pearl Jam – Yellow Ledbetter
Chris Cornell – Ground Zero
Sweet – Ballroom Blitz
The Turtles – I'm Chief Kamanawanalea (We're The Royal Macadamia Nuts)
Bob Dylan – Like A Rolling Stone
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Soul To Squeeze
William Shatner – Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
La Yanta – Chacarron... Macarron
Vampire Weekend – A-Punk
The Kingsmen – Louie Louie
The Champs – Tequila (Original)
Janis Joplin – Piece Of My Heart
Spice Girls – Wannabe - Radio Edit
Soundgarden – The Day I Tried To Live
Sex Pistols – Anarchy In the UK
Alice In Chains – Check My Brain
Barenaked Ladies – Be My Yoko Ono
Fatboy Slim – Right Here, Right Now
The Jimi Hendrix Experience – Voodoo Child (Slight Return)
Barenaked Ladies – Big Bang Theory Theme
Sam The Sham & The Pharaohs – Wooly Bully
The Hollies – Long Cool Woman (In A Black Dress)
David Bowie – Ashes To Ashes - Single Version;2002 - Remaster
The Doors – The Changeling - Remaster
Lifehouse – Hanging By A Moment
David Bowie – Life On Mars? - 1999 Digital Remaster
Ramones – Blitzkreig Bop
Janis Joplin – Summertime - (Big Brother & The Holding Company-Janis Joplin)
The Jimi Hendrix Experience – Purple Haze
The Doors – Soul Kitchen - New Stereo Mix   Advanced Resolution
Ramones – Rock 'N' Roll High School - Ed Stasium Version
Blues Traveler – Run-Around
Pearl Jam – Daughter
Bob Dylan – The Times They Are A-Changin'
Nirvana – The Man Who Sold The World
Soundgarden – Black Hole Sun
A Flock Of Seagulls – I Ran (So Far Away)
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Suck My Kiss
Barenaked Ladies – One Week
The Black Keys – Set You Free
Alice In Chains – Angry Chair
Nirvana – Something In The Way
Sting – If You Love Somebody Set Them Free
Jack Black – Help Me (Song)
David Bowie – Starman - 1997 Digital Remaster
Barenaked Ladies – Brian Wilson
The Darkness – Growing On Me
Chumbawamba – Tubthumping
Led Zepagain – Immigrant Song
Stevie Nicks – Edge of Seventeen
T. Rex – Ballrooms Of Mars
The Black Keys – Gold On The Ceiling
Mott The Hoople – All The Young Dudes
William Shatner – Mr. Tambourine Man
Ramones – My Brain is Hanging Upside Down
Angry Samoans – Highway To Hell
David Bowie – She Shook Me Cold - 1999 Digital Remaster
The Doors – People Are Strange - New Stereo Mix   Advanced Resolution
UB40 – Rat In Mi Kitchen
Bob Dylan – Blowin' In The Wind - 2010 mono version
T. Rex – Cosmic Dancer
The Doors – L.A. Woman - New Stereo Mix   Advanced Resolution
Janis Joplin – Try (Just A Little Bit Harder)
Soundgarden – Live to Rise
David Bowie – Ziggy Stardust - 2002 Digital Remaster
Sex Pistols – God Save The Queen
Crash Test Dummies – Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Fight Like A Brave
Pearl Jam – Better Man
Blues Traveler – Carolina Blues
Nirvana – Come As You Are
Barenaked Ladies – It's All Been Done
The Guess Who – No Time
Will Smith – Gettin' Jiggy Wit It
Lou Reed – Satellite Of Love
T. Rex – Bang A Gong [Get It On]
Vanilla Ice – Ninja Rap
Daler Mehndi – Tunak Tunak Tun
Fatboy Slim – Because We Can
Madonna – Vogue
Leonard Nimoy – Spock Thoughts
Three Dog Night – Mama Told Me Not To Come
Tenacious D – Roadie - Clean Version
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Sexy Mexican Maid - 2003 Digital Remaster
Nirvana – Big Cheese
Chuck Ragan – California Burritos
Against Me! – Rice and Bread
Paul & Storm – Frogger! The Frogger Musical
Flight Of The Conchords – Fashion is Danger
Warren Zevon – Poor Poor Pitiful Me
Flight Of The Conchords – Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros
Lyte Funkie Ones – Summer Girls
Dinosaur Jr. – Feel The Pain - 2007 Remastered LP Version
Blondie – Rapture
Crash Test Dummies – The Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead Featuring Ellen Reid
Willi One Blood – Whiney, Whiney (What Really Drives Me Crazy)
Gigolo Aunts – Where I Find My Heaven
4 Non Blondes – What's Up?
Los Del Rio – Macarena - Original Version
Sweet – Little Willy
Luce – Western Spaghetti

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

Read More

Dating Tips from Henry VIII - The Tudors

We've watched The Tudors now twice - the whole series - and it just keeps getting better and better. But it's not just entertaining; the Showtime series is also very educational. It's taught us not just about English history and the plague, but also about how to develop successful dating strategies. For instance, did you know that King Henry VIII invented both speed dating and speed marriages? Did you know he also invented the "it's not my fault divorce." We came across a little known pamphlet penned in Henry's own hand that contains all he learned about courting women at court. We're including some of the highlights from it in this post.

Henry VIII was quite the ladies man and innovator

Henry's VIII's Dating Tips:

Tip 1 - Be sure to test if your potential date or mate is squeamish by showing her your pus-filled open wounds. Only women with stout constitutions are fit to consort with the King.

Tip 2 -  Be sure to shower women with flattery for it is the quickest way into their lacy drawers. They are especially fond of being reminded how beautiful their heads are while still attached to their bodies.

Tip 3 - Always be generous with the weaker sex by letting them taste all of your food first. This also saves considerable coin that would elsewise be spent on professional food tasters.

Tip 4 - Always ask your date if she is able to conceive male heirs. If she says no, have her flogged, drawn and quartered.

Tip 5 - Get your best friends (like Lord Brandon, AKA superman) to pimp your dates whenever possible and threaten to have them flogged, drawn and quartered if they do not.

Tip 6 - Be sure to ask your dates about their views on controversial religious topics; if you don't like the answers or it turns out the date is either Catholic or Lutheran, have her burned as a heretic.

Tip 7 - It's perfectly OK to be jealous, especially when your date or wife is a Jezebel and whore of Babylon - in which case you will need to have her put to death along with every man she ever met.  

Tip 8 - Be most generous with your gifts, bestowing upon your maid or damsel the finest jewels of the realm. And feel free to give the same exact gifts over and over again but remember not to mention they're used.

Tip 9 - You should marry and divorce as often as possible, but never pay alimony.

Henry VIII also invented the reality show - "Don't Ax Me"

Tip 10 - Always look for new mistresses amongst the queen's maid-servants because no matter how often you do that the Queens never expect it.

Bonus Tip - Always use protection when wenching out on the town; this should consist of two pikesmen as guards and garlic coated condoms in case the wench is a witch, in which case she must be burned after the fact.

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

Read More

10 Reasons Aliens Shouldn't Invade Earth

So anyway, we were watching several UFO documentaries the last week or so on Netflix and we've got to admit it; they're pretty convincing. We don't think it's a question of whether extraterrestrials exist anymore; in fact they're so many flying around out there it's getting as common to run into one as deer collisions on the roadways. Our real concern now is avoiding the inevitable Alien Invasion and Conquest that's sure to come at any moment, potentially as soon as this December in order to coincide with Mayan Apocalypse predictions. We think that fighting this invasion is probably a non-starter - the key to survival is preventing it in the first place, right?

So with that in mind, we've come up with a plan that's guaranteed to save our collective butts. What we need to do is make up for all the damage done by Voyager when we sent that gold record into Space telling the aliens how great it was here and practically begging them to invade. This time, we need to send a DVD with all the worst aspects of our civilization emphasized and provide the aliens with a compelling rationale for why they shouldn't invade. 

This doesn't look like a real equation anyway - but then again we already know they're vacationing on the moon

And we need to really be blunt about this too; no sense trying to be politically correct or sugarcoat matters. We'll show those aliens how bad it is here and then given 10 really good reasons why not to invade (although they can still visit if they wish as long as they stop causing traffic accidents). Here's the table of contents for the DVD menu:

• Part 1 - The Things we Eat: How they're grown, polluted, processed, killed, ground-up etc.
• Part 2 - We're Killing Machines: It's really not safe here, even for us.
• Part 3 - Zombies: they're everywhere and they'll eat Aliens too.
• Part 4 - Lowering the Galactic IQ: How television may open up new Black Holes.
• Part 5 - 10 Reasons you're better off not living here (although tourism is always encouraged)
• Special Featurette 1 - The Immigration Reform Fiasco
• Special Featurette 2 - The Disco Revolution & Country Music
• Special Featurette 3 - A Tribute to the Crocodile Hunter
• Special Featurette 4 - Polka music and Scientology (the hidden link)
• Special Featurette 5 - Forensic TV - the Anatomy of Good Ratings

Here are the arguments we should apply to keep the Alien Menace at bay:

# 1 Reason not to Attack Earth - Traffic here really sucks.

Aliens aren't patient by nature, this will frighten them

# 2 Reason not to Attack Earth - Too many political ads. We're just too negative, a sort of "Glass Half Empty planet."

# 3 Reason not to Attack Earth - We don't recycle and are generally pretty messy - it would be akin to living with someone who never cleaned their room up.

Would you want to invade this? We didn't think so

# 4 Reason not to Attack Earth - We cancelled Star Trek, multiple times and created Jar Jar Binx.

# 5 Reason not to Attack Earth - Aliens tried doing that before, at Atlantis and they ended up becoming Shriners and driving funny miniature cars while wearing Fez's. 

I can never, ever get out of this car...

# 6 Reason not to Attack Earth - We're heavily in debt and would likely ask for loans that we could never repay.

# 7 Reason not to Attack Earth - Our idea of culture is Reality TV and Jerry Springer, not Bach or Mozart. Who's Bach anyway, they were on the gold record - oh never-mind?

# 8 Reason not to Attack Earth - We would probably worship any aliens who invaded and create some creepy cult that you aliens wouldn't want anything to do with anyway.

I am ready to do your bidding, master

# 9 Reason not to Attack Earth - We've got lot's of germs and we like them so much that we actually grow them on purpose.

Imagine getting slapped by this, you stinking aliens... yea, who's the boss now? uh huh

# 10 Reason not to Attack Earth - Woody Harrelson would be our ambassador.

How do you like my wig, I can get one just like it for your little gray head

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

Read More