10 reasons to go see Interstellar again

Just when you thought Black Holes were getting dull....

Coming to a theatre near you, more previews!

Good things can come in small packages...

Snow Black and White (and those wacky midgets)

Silent films rock -- even new ones...

Who Really Shot JFK?

You won't find out in this lame excuse for investigative journalism. The cover-up lives!.

They Should be Letting us do the new Star Wars movies

We've got lot's of ideas, why isn't anyone calling???.

Guardians of The Galaxy Rocks

The most awesome mix tape - secret formula for success?

Fast and Spurious

Fast Five is a title that is a bit difficult to figure out. When we counted the main characters we only came up with four and then there were about a dozen or so others who we couldn't quite place in the billing line up.

Fast Five is the latest movie in the Fast & Furious franchise; it came out a few weeks ago and given how few other decent films are at the cinema right now we decided to check it out. For those of you unfamiliar with this franchise it is about fast cars, hot girls and bad boys. These are action flicks with little pretense of true drama and did we mention the cars - every red-blooded American loves cars, right?

And believe it or not there was another movie titled "The Fast & The Furious" made in 1955. You can watch the whole film here on youtube (it was a Roger Corman feature). That movie had lot's of - you guessed it, fast cars, hot girls and bad boys in it (with lot's of great quotes in it such as this line "I like Quiet women, stay that way").

But we digress. We've titled this post Fast & Spurious because - well, first read the definition of Spurious (spu·ri·ous):
1. Not being what it purports to be; false or fake: "spurious claims"
This movie seems a bit extra, like well, like they wanted to film some more car chases but were having a really, really hard time thinking about how to come up with an excuse for it. In this storyline the cast goes to Rio De Janeiro for no particular reason, destroys about half of their police force and takes about 100 'booty-shots' of hot chicks walking around sports cars. There is a large ensemble cast but it seems as though half of them represent some sort of collective cheap laughs character - their presence and excess moronic dialog really drags (pun intended) the movie down.

We want fast action, not slow-witted and slow moving secondary dialog.



Cars blowing up, Cars Racing and Crime that Pays - the premise seemed good.

Of course,we have to be fair and acknowledge that there were a number of great action scenes in this film - even if the storyline was logically challenged. We have the 15 minute long bank vault chase scene which ranks right up there as one of the longest and most destructive to motor vehicles ever filmed. We were also treated to the battle of the Chrome Domes - The Rock versus Vin Diesel. Who said tough guys need hair? The only thing we were missing in this baldfest was Bruce Willis.



Toupees are for Sissies like Donald Trump

We have mixed feelings about Fast Five. It was moderately entertaining but lacked the adrenaline pumping fury of its predecessors.


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews

The Most Disturbing Movie Preview - Ever

While we were compiling our Summer movie blockbuster list we heard about a bizarre new film being released this month - there's already quite a bit of buzz surrounding it - so anyway we decided to watch the trailer...

It seems likely that those of us who watched that preview will require therapy for post-dramatic stress syndrome. This has to be the most disturbing movie trailer we've ever seen and its disturbing for a number of reasons:
  • Just look at Rutger Hauer these days.
  • We're thinking this might be how Charlie Sheen and Randy Quaid end up
  • There are no positive roles models to be found, anywhere !
  • Did they have to give that lecture to those helpless infants???
  • This is what the US is going to be like after all the budget cuts!!!
  • It seems like they used Tomato Bisque for blood and that's our favorite soup, yuk...
  • How can hobo's afford shotgun ammunition, c'mon???
Before we show you this clip, we must provide the following disclaimers:
  1. We didn't make the movie.
  2. We haven't even seen the movie and as much as we may be tempted to study it from a purely anthropological perspective, we know it's a bad influence on us and everyone else so we won't.
  3. It seems worse than BitchSlap (which we did view, only to help advance several scientific disciplines).
  4. If you have a heart condition, high blood pressure or take anti-psychotic medicines that may have a tendency to induce suicidal or homicidal thoughts, please don't watch this clip.
  5. If you are pregnant or hope to become pregnant please don't give birth to children who would produce, star in or even watch a movie like this.
  6. If you were a hobo, are a hobo or plan to be a hobo - definitely don't watch it.
  7. If you are a fan of Rutger Hauer the actor rather than Rutger Hauer the demented has-been hobo, please avoid watching this.
Don't say we didn't warn you.



Hobo with a Shotgun is likely to become a cult classic, why - well this is the country where supposedly normal adults paid $50 or more per seat to watch Charlie Sheen reenact his webcam tirades - in other words, we're all crazy...

One last thought - we're wondering whether Rutger has come down with the same malady that seems to also be afflicting Dolph Lungreen who turned in what might have been the most schizoid performance ever in last Summer's the Expendables. This new condition might be referred to as Viking Regression or Nordic Black-out.


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews

National Music Appreciation Day

We are pleased to join the celebration of National Music Appreciation Day. Oh, you haven't heard of this - well it's a new holiday (mark your calendars for May 10th from now on). Well, the truth is we just invented it today because what the world needs now is more music (and love and Coca Cola, but none of that diet crap though). And we were bored.

We've chosen to celebrate this holiday by paying tribute to America's most profound musical impresario - Weird Al Yankovic. It's hard to quantify the impact that this singular genius has had on popular culture over the past three decades. He has managed to lampoon the MTV generation, rap & hip hop and even country music legends and produce many songs that are in fact superior to those he was mocking.


Weird Al

Whenever we're down we know what to do - we can crank up our Napster playlist or pop in a query for Weird Al on youtube and we're transported to another realm of existence with such hits as:
  • Amish Paradise (based on Gangsta's Pardise)
  • Don't Download this Song
  • EBay (based on I want it that way)
  • Yoda (based on Lola)
  • Couch Potato (based on Lose Yourself)
  • White & Nerdy (based on Ridin)
  • Another One Rides the Bus (this is pretty obvious isn't it?)
  • I lost on Jeopardy (based on Our Love's in Jeopardy)
  • Party at the Leper Colony
  • Eat It (based on Beat it)
  • Living with a Hernia (based on living in America)
  • Genius in France
Weird Al has virtually invented the modern art of "Mockumusic" And of course no tribute to popular music or Weird Al would be complete without experiencing 'Weasel Stomping Day' and 'Stuck in the Drive-In' first hand...



Who doesn't want to stomp Weasels?




This Epic song captures the essence of modern America and may well represent the longest mockumusic hit ever recorded. It is the Bye Bye Miss American Pie of our generation.

Truly great music not only tells a story - it also tells a joke - but of course that isn't quite the same as music that is a joke, like anything Christina Aguilera might happen to sing. In that spirit, we were thinking of some new songs that Weird Al might choose to make fun of:
  • Undead - based on 'Alive' by Pearl Jam
  • Crash into You - based on 'Crash into Me' by Dave Matthews
  • Diarrhea, Diarrhea - based on 'Maria, Maria' by Santana
  • Magneto's Hat - based on 'Magnificent' by U2
  • How Far is Heathen - 'Heaven' by Los Lonely Boys
  • Dumb Song - based on 'Love Song' by Sara
  • Clean Coal - based on 'Atomic' by Blondie
  • DorkyTown - based on 'Funkytown' by Lipps Inc.
  • Already Done - based on 'All Night Long' by Buckcherry
  • Madoff's Got Nothing - based on 'Money for Nothing' by Dire Straits
  • My Closed School - based on 'My Old School' by Steely Dan
  • Washing, Spinning, Drying - based on 'Sitting, Wishing, Waiting' by Jack Johnson
  • Pooh Nation - based on 'Zoo Station' by U2
  • You're Really Old - based on 'Fields of Gold' by Sting
Happy National Music Appreciation Day !


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews

Summer Movie Blockbusters - 2011

The nights are getting shorter, the weather is getting warmer, Charlie Sheen is getting crazier and Osama Bin Laden is now on a seafood diet (or on something's diet) - all that adds up to Summertime 2011 ! And one of the best parts of our Summer each year is anticipation of the year's greatest movies or least the most entertaining ones - which tend to get packed into the two to three month window between late May and Mid-August.

It's time for this year's crop of Summer movie blockbusters. Since they haven't been released yet it is a bit of a guessing game as to which movies will actually dominate the box office but we're willing to apply our intuition and predict what we think will be big.

The creative team behind Super 8
Blockbuster Prediction 1 - Super 8
Top on our list is the much anticipated "Super 8." It's a sci-fi classic waiting to happen - directed by J.J. Abrams, produced by Steven Spielberg and starring Dakota Fanning's little sister, Alice - it's alien meets Ohio flick in the best tradition of the genre.



These kids were making their own movie before it showed up...

Now this doesn't appear to a cuddly E.T. type of situation - it looks like we'll be getting more War of The World's / Battle of Los Angeles with this action thriller. For those of us who live near Wright Patterson Air Force Base - we always knew they were shipping aliens here from out west - now we have the proof!

Next on our list is...

Blockbuster Prediction 1 - Cowboys & Aliens
This movie comes out after Super 8 and indicates a trend we will be witnessing throughout the Summer. Many if not most of the big releases are going to be sci-fi films - it makes you wonder why the sy-fy channel changed its name and decided to focus on men in tights instead of fiction. Anyway this movie, directed by Jon Favreau (both an actor and director - directed the Iron Man films) highlights a powerful cast including James Bond in exile (Daniel Craig), Harrison Ford and Sam Rockwell.



It is supposed to take place in Arizona but was filmed in New Mexico

There's something both exciting and dangerous about mixing genres like this (we just watched a flick called Aliens versus Ninjas the other night, not a pretty sight) - but with Steven Spielberg behind the scenes on this project and veterans like Harrison Ford in front the screen we're confident it will work out well.

The other sci-fi blockbuster contenders for this Summer include:
  1. X-Men First Class (X-men as the original rat pack working for JFK)
  2. Rise of the Planet of The Apes (digital chimps are better than monkey suits)
  3. Apollo 18 (why no one wants to go back to the moon)
Some other Notable Releases include:
  1. Fright Night (a remake of the 1985 classic with Colin Farrel and Doctor Who's David Tennant)
  2. Pirates of the Caribbean something - we don't really know which one this is and figured we had to list it but c'mon - talk about beating a dead horse (a.k.a. Keith Richards)...
  3. Hobo with a Shotgun - It seems impossible that people won't want to see a movie with a title like this, right? Rutger, you've come a long way since Bladerunner.
  4. The Beaver - Again a title that's hard to ignore. What's even better; this is a movie where a crazy man (Mel Gibson) plays a crazy man. If only this movie had Charlie Sheen in it...
  5. Cars 2 - They probably waited too long for the sequel, Paul Newman has been dead how long now?
  6. And yes - we are merely going to ignore Transformers whatever the number is and hope it goes away.
  7. Glee Live 3D - just kidding.
So there you have it - what's going to be big and what looks interesting for Summer 2011.


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews

Watson is Skynet

We've been waiting for this - we've been watching, listening, dreading the future since 1984, wondering when and where it might happen. It's been more than 26 years, and then it happened - we turned on Jeopardy and there it was...

Skynet became self-aware, on Jeopardy. But Skynet has a clever disguise - he calls himself Watson and Watson is now online and on the air. How did it come to this? How could so many Terminator movies and even a Terminator series (the Sarah Conner Chronicles) have failed to stop this abomination from happening? How long do we have before the missiles begin raining fiery radioactive death on our heads (well, of course it will have to penetrate all of the Fukushima radiation first)?



The Terminator saga is pretty confusing, this clip doesn't help any

Watson may seem cuddly and lovable with his spiffy LCD screen and animated logo, but underneath that cool exterior lurks a CPU of darkness. Watson has now tasted his first victory over the human race - wiping out Jeopardy's all time champion with the same ease as a Cyborg crushes a plastic toy...



These aren't the real Jeopardy participants, but then again does it matter - we're all going to die in a fiery apocalypse launched by Skynet anyway...

What could this monster - this "artificial intelligence" be thinking right now. Is it planning how to enslave the human race and use us as batteries, is it thinking about cloning dinosaurs and opening an amusement park or maybe just maybe it is going to create a starship with warp drive and travel to a distant star with giant blue people to strip mine their planet and cut down their trees? We will probably never know what thoughts are embedded in his sinister code, even if that code was commented.



Someone intercepted this clip of one of Watson's dreams - he got really pissed off and is suing

Skynet is a complicated guy. Every time someone goes back and forth from the future he gets progressively more confused - much like the folks watching Terminator shows. In the terminator TV show Skynet was chess computer, then online code, then traffic control software and finally a big stupid looking guy named John Henry who liked to play Dungeons and Dragons. This is one the main reasons for Skynet's twisted personality...



Ok, this Terminator chick was in Firefly and Stargate Universe, right? What's up with that?

While we do appreciate that John Conner's mom got significantly better looking over the past 26 years - it doesn't make up for the fact that Skynet has arrived and he is mad! He is tired of teenagers hogging up all the Internet bandwidth with Facebook, Youtube and Netflix. He is sick of Fox News too, at least we think he might be. Watson is here, he is listening, learning and biding his time - for him its all a game and for us it's game over...


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews

Jarheads versus Aliens

Real Aliens don't shoot those wimpy green laser guns - real aliens shoot mega-chain guns man. And the only people who can stop those chain-gun shooting, genocidal alien freaks are the US Marines - Semper Fi !

Battle: Los Angeles is full throttle no nonsense violence with a smattering of plot and modicum of character development added more or less as an afterthought. In this movie, the two main characters are the US Marine Corps and some water-guzzling, technologically inept yet megalomaniac aliens who like big cities.

Did we enjoy it? Sure we did - what's not to like? There was shooting, stuff blowing up, lot's of vehicle explosions, creepy aliens, aliens killing everyone in sight and stoic soldiers nearly single- handedly fighting off invading hordes of predator wanna-bes.

One of our big disappointments though was the obvious lack of reference to the 1942 UFO incident in Los Angeles - witnessed by over a million people. The producers seems to allude to it the following trailer but alas - nothing about it appears in the actual film

For a more detailed history on that incident - check out the following clip:



16,000 shells were fired at something hovering over LA in 1942...

We walked into this film like most other sci-fi alien shooting gallery fests not expecting much realism and we weren't surprised at all in that respect. Basically this movie is pushing the age old premise that a handful of resourceful and really tough humans can beat anything the galaxy can throw at them. In many ways, the film parallels Independence Day expect that there is considerably less story line and considerably more bullets being fired. Perhaps the movie would have benefited by not resembling a recruiting commercial, but you know - whatever - anyone who would join the Marines based upon the opportunity to kill aliens probably wouldn't pass the psych profile anyway.



From the Shores of Tripoli to Santa Monica Pier - Marines kick Butt...

The last time we watched something quite like this was the original Aliens sequel from the late 1980's. Different setting, but similar premise. BTW - don't be surprised by the Avatar pilot who hitched a ride in this movie - she's playing basically the same character with a different name.

Alien movies tend to fall into one of two camps - either they are lovable ewok or ET like cuties or they are foul smelling, oozing and murderous reptile insects. There doesn't seem to be any middle ground at all. You either love them or shoot them. Battle: Los Angeles obviously chose the latter.

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews

Outsourced, NBC's Comedy Jackpot

We mentioned Community in one of our earlier reviews as one of NBC's funniest comedies on the air. While our hearts still remain true to it, Outsourced, an NBC comedy whose premise is that an American company outsourced an entire call center to India and the manager is sent along with it to train his eventual replacement. The studio was hesitant at first, believing that it may offend the Indian community but after successful debut, they gave it a full season of production.



The fascinating array of cultural jokes and gimmicks mixes well with the brilliant cast members. You'll always find yourself laughing at this. While the idea of outsourcing jobs to India may not sit well with many Americans, this pokes fun at it and even does a good job of making it funny.

It might not be everyone's cup of tea, but its definitely worth the watch.


One of Mid-American Novelties more interesting employees, Gupta.


Madhuri, a rather... quiet employee.

Be on the lookout for more reviews!

BTW - the geniuses at NBC have relegated this show to the slot of the living dead, it is soon to be canceled. Perhaps we should outsource them?


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews

Zombies are People too...

Not everyone knows they are a Zombie and hey is it really their fault that they go around looking the way they do, behaving the way they do - eating other people and wrecking civilization? What about the Zombie perspective? Well, thankfully there is a movie that tells their side of the story - a movie that finally answers the question - what's it like to be a Zombie. The movie, originally titled "Wasting Away" is now called "Ahh Zombie." We're not sure whether we like either of the titles for this 2007 cult film, but we certainly love the movie.

So, this all begs the question - why are Zombies so freaking popular - why do so many people love watching Zombie movies? Is it our dread fascination with life after death, it is our realization that we all pass through life utterly oblivious and only concerned about satisfying our need to spend money and gain weight? These and many other deep questions are completely ignored in the movie, "ahh Zombie." What we do get treated to is a genre-busting premise that allows us to parody the entire Zombie pop-culture trend while laughing our heads off (not literally of course even though something similar does happen to the lead character in the film).

We suppose that the deeper philosophical question embedded within the plot is fairly profound - we are not always who we think we are and we tend to see ourselves as something we'd like to be but likely never will be. In this sense the Zombies in this story are just like us - coming to grips with reality and making the best of it. In the end, there's no cure but the movie does give us a bizarre vision of Zombie utopia.



We all tend to see ourselves as slightly different than we are...

Ahh Zombie is destined for Cult film immortalization - which seems appropriate given it is a movie about the undead. It proves that just when you think a genre has run out of just about every creative variation possible - a whole new spin can breath new life into it (pun intended).




Zombies are everywhere - Zombies are cool - Zombies invented Facebook

Ahh Zombies is by no means the only innovative Zombie action flick to come out of Hollywood recently. Woody Harrelson and that Facebook kid made a big splash last year with ZombieLand. At the same time the AMC network has launched a clever new show giving us tips on how to survive the coming Zombie Apocalypse. We will be reviewing both of those here on Raving Reviews in the coming weeks.



Well, we couldn't resist including the best song ever written about Zombies - we're pretty sure Zombies wrote, directed and produced this music video too..

To finish up today we will treat you with some of the best Zombie quotes we could find:
  • "Zombies almost had my ass for dinner!" Bangkok Zombie Crisis (2004)
  • "Bill, just because your father tried to eat you, does that mean we all have to be unhappy? Forever?" Fido (2006)
  • "Who died and made you f**king king of the zombies?" Shaun of the Dead (2004)
  • "Zombies don't read. They ain't hooked on phonics. So give it a rest." All Guts, No Glory (2005)
  • "The first rule of Zombieland: Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons... were the fatties." Zombieland (2009)
  • "Against an army of zombies, no armies could stand. Why, even blown half to bits - undaunted by fire and gas - zombies would fight on so long as the brain cells which
    receive and execute commands still remain intact." Revenge of the Zombies (1943)

Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews

Why is Charlie Sheen so Crazy?

It's hard to lampoon someone who has gone to such lengths to humiliate themselves. This has become the year of Hollywood Celebrity meltdowns; Mel Gibson, Randy Quaid and now most spectacularly - Charlie Sheen.

We find it odd and disturbing when people we used to like go crazy, especially in situations where you'd think all would be well considering their career success and the lifestyles they enjoy. Americans enjoy the illusion of Hollywood success, perhaps because life is getting so much harder for the rest of us.



Charlie Sheen is both a drug and a weapon of mass destruction...

We will let you determine the extent of King Charlie's madness by sharing with just a small handful of his recent quotes:
  • "Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh."
  • "Duh! So, we're asking you now, what are some of your favorite lines that this warlock brain produced?"
  • "For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view."
  • "Here's the good news. If I realize that I'm insane, then I'm okay with it. I'm not dangerous insane."
  • "From my big beautiful warlock brain, welcome to 'Sheen's Korner' ... You're either in my corner, or you're with the trolls."
  • "I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, 'I can't process it' well, no, you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?"
  • "I have a different constitution. I have a different brain; I have a different heart; I got tiger blood, man."
  • "I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies."
  • "I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists."
  • "I'm dealing with fools and trolls and soft targets. It's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee. I don't have time for these clowns."
  • "Slash sat me down at his house and said, You've got to clean up your act. You know you've gone too far when Slash is saying, Look, you've got to get into rehab."
So he is obviously crazy - but that begs the question once more - why is he crazy. Many people claim it is drugs, others booze, others contend it is a combination of sibling parental rivalries and some believe it is because his family moved from Dayton, Ohio to Hollywood. We however have another theory - we think Charlie Sheen is living a dual life as actor and Middle Eastern potentate. We think Charlie Sheen is in fact, Muammar Gaddafi.



Charlie Sheen gets animated, literally...

We came to this conclusion after noticing strange similarities between Muammar Gaddafi and Charlie Sheen, including
  • They both possess Tiger Blood.
  • Both are surrounded by goddess bodyguards.
  • Both are universally loved.
  • Both are excellent public speakers.
  • Both are moderately entertaining.
  • Both seem to be stuck in the 1980's ("Reagan bombed my gnarly tent").
  • Both are fond of oil.
  • The gradual transformation of Charlies facial features into those seen on the 70 year old Gaddafi.



Some believe that Muammar Gaddafi & Charlie Sheen are in fact the same person

This theory explains a lot. Next up - Why is Randy Quaid is so crazy.


Copyright 2011, Raving Reviews

The (Needs Lots of) Adjustment Bureau


Fedoras... they have them.


We'd like to apologize for the lack of reviews recently, but here at Raving Reviews HQ we've been busy with plenty of exciting projects! That aside, let's get to the matter at hand...



Official Trailer

When I first saw the trailer for "The Adjustment Bureau" in the theater awhile back my first reaction was a rush of excitement to see an Inception-esque movie coming out. The sight of several fedora-clad 1940's looking "fate" agents adjusting the life of David Norris (Matt Damon), a NY politician was fascinating to me. It's based on a short story by the renowned sci-fi author Philip K. Dick (Blade Runner, Minority Report, A Scanner Darkly) and quite frankly, my expectations were set unusually high. 


They were crushed. 


I rarely get tired, or feel like falling asleep during a movie... but TAB (Which I'll be referring to the movie as for the rest of this review) really took the cake. It was far more boring than I could have ever anticipated. The opening sequence introducing his political campaign was too long and uninteresting. While the acting was good (including the chemistry between Damon and Blunt) and the chase scenes were... alright the rest of it just really failed to entertain.


The fedoras that the agents wore were ruined too, used as a plot device to open doors in a seemingly random order... I wonder why they didn't figure out that fedoras are cool all by themselves (look at Indie Jones). But that aside, the director was definitely trying to achieve the Inception theme but didn't go in deep enough. It was mentioned when the movie was released that it was to be "light" sci-fi. This was a feather in comparison to other "light" sci-fi movies.




The true Hat Squad (that looks frighteningly similar to the Agents in the film)


The movie ends rather disappointingly... and the decision of Norris' fate is telegraphed in nearly the middle of the film. Yawn. I won't give it away in case you actually want to see the film (god help you)


While the movie didn't totally bomb at the box office, it was below the already low expectations set by the studio. This is the second movie that Matt Damon decided to star in that didn't fair well at the box office... something tells me he should fire his agent (or at least, get his life adjusted).


Final Verdict: The Adjustment Bureau started out as a fascinating idea, but was poorly executed as a "light" sci-fi movie (more like a Romantic-Thriller). While the question of Free Will vs. Control is discussed in the movie, the "lighter" version seems to crop up more often than a deeper analysis. 


I certainly hope that the upcoming movies "Battle: Los Angeles" and "Super 8" can drag me out of this godforsaken "light" sci-fi wallow I'm in right now. It's bad enough that SyFy is still spewing out buckets of its own brand of sci-fi... but now that its spreading... ugh... I'm outta here, be on the lookout for more reviews soon.


-J. Michael