Captain Phillips is no Swashbuckler

Back when I was growing up, I had a very specific image of what a pirate was (or should be) - that image was patterned after a movie entitled "Captain Blood." It was one a slew of old 30's and 40's movies that used to be the mainstay of programming back before the onslaught of mega-cable. The star and hero of that movie was Errol Flynn - he was the hero and and he was a real pirate.

This is a real pirate...

Last night we went to see Captain Phillips - the real-life saga of a Somali pirate raid upon the Maersk Alabama in 2009. In this movie, the hero was the captain of the undefended ship under attack, played by Tom Hanks. The pirate lead (played by Barkhad Abdi) is an emaciated former fisherman (so the story tells us) driven to piracy by his demanding warlord bosses. Don't get us wrong, Barkhad does a remarkably good job providing depth to his character (as much as he can given the circumstances and relatively weak script which is written primarily from Captain Phillip's point of view).

Today's pirates sans rum (they chew some sort of plant instead)

Overall though the show, despite its ability to demonstrate building tension all the way through til the end seemed to fall flat. One serious issue we had was the docudrama style employed throughout the movie. A docu-drama takes real actors and makes it look as though they are real people doing often boring things as some type of historical event unfolds. In other words, it's like the reality TV version of cinema. This type of format is especially disappointing when you have talent like Hanks - an actor desperate to give a performance and being thwarting by the film's format at every turn. Just imagine if you will Castaway being redone in a more documentary fashion and you'll see how that could really change the film going experience.

You would think the pirates might invest in some Miami Vice style cigar boats

Even with the film style employed, the movie's pace would have gone much smoother if much of the footage connected with the US Navy had been cut out. Sure the Navy was there and put an end to the situation, but the story that mattered was centered around Hanks and his pirate captain nemesis and taking away from that took a lot of steam out of the production. If some of those scenes had been cut it's possible that Captain Phillips could have rivaled Gravity in the all out action thrill ride category sure to be present in next year's Oscars. (in Gravity they wisely cut off NASA's microphones and focused on the two main characters).

We've had goofy pirates (Johnny Depp), starving pirates (from this movie) - when do we get to see real pirates again? Maybe with the upcoming mini-series Black Sails?

copyright 2013, Raving Reviews

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The Walter White Guide to Middle Age

Being middle-aged isn't generally considered to be cool. It's usually the time when people begin contemplating how much they've changed and how close to death they now are. Of course a little latter when they become seniors those concerns become less pressing and thoughts turn to Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune and Fox News.

Very few actors for example, have made a name for themselves after they turned 45. Bryan Cranston is one of those. AMC's Breaking Bad accomplished something quite remarkable - and has empowered middle-aged white men everywhere. Breaking Bad made the mid-life crisis cool. How did they manage to accomplish this seemingly impossible feat? It was Walter White of course...

The five season long series that redefined television finally concluded this month and as a tribute to that show and middle-aged men everywhere we've collected some wisdom and advice from the show's lead character on how to deal with middle age.

Walter White - White, Middle-Aged and Funky

• Tip 1 - Don't trust Social Security to provide an adequate pension for you or your family; you will need at least $9 to 14 million in ready cash.
• Tip 2 - Conflict resolution is a thing of the past - it's better to deal with problems head-on - and make them just go away (permanently).
• Tip 3 - Driving a beat up Pontiac is just fine. 
• Tip 4 - Don't let anyone ridicule your funny hats.
• Tip 5 - Share your wisdom, mentor a young person.
• Tip 6 - Don't just build a business, create an empire.
• Tip 7 - Science and Chemistry are cool. Remote control machine guns are a great hobby too.. 
• Tip 8 - Never go into business with Ayran prison gangs.
• Tip 9 - Don't wait for Obamacare to get the treatment you need.
• Tip 10 - Encourage your wife to work, laundering your excess cash.
• Tip 11 - Don't waste your money on expensive legal advice. 
• Tip 12 - Accidents happen, get over it.
• Tip 13 - Do it for the family, do it for the fun.
• Tip 14 - Product quality is just as important as distribution.
• Tip 15 - The goatee is a reflection of raw power.

One of the many tributes to middle-aged cool

We will miss you Walter White, that is unless AMC decides to bring you back in the Walking Dead or as a teen intern in Madmen.


copyright, Raving Reviews 2013

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What Goes Up...

We went to see Gravity the weekend it came out (about 2 weeks ago) and attended a very nice IMAX / 3D equipped theater (at one of our favorite venues - AMC at Newport at the Levee  by Cincinnati). While 3D plus IMAX inflates any movie-going experience, there were definitely mixed feelings about this one. The action was great - not much bother about plot - this film was a non-stop sprint for survival without any explanations per se. The science was suspect; much ado was made about the debris field orbiting in the wrong direction (a la Neil deGrasse Tyson) but no one seemed to notice that the shuttle fleet has been retired for two years and it certainly looked as though they were using one of the old shuttles as opposed to something that Elon Musk might have up his sleeve. So does this mean that the disaster already happened and someone is keeping it a big secret?

A $25 billion investment digitally shredded in about two scenes...  

BTW - we had the unique distinction of being at Cocoa Beach (or slightly south at Patrick AFB) to film the last shuttle launch. Damn if that shuttle didn't fly right into a cloud - oh well- at least it didn't fly into the space station, we think.

Doesn't look much like a shuttle does it, Elon?

So anyway, how about that Sandra Bullock? She survived the worst husband ever only to have to escape from one exploding spacecraft after another. She certainly did a good job with the limited (and somewhat far-fetched) material given to her. But what about Putin, isn't he going to get upset after being blamed for the destruction of just about everything in near-Earth orbit? Will he jail the production team and cast if they ever tour Russia (like he did to Pussyriot?). That remains to be seen.

While we must admit this was an entertaining film, it certainly doesn't warrant becoming an Oscar contender (as is being talked about now). Although if they had inserted a plea for more NASA funding (as a way to have possibly avoided the catastrophe in space) then we might have been able to get behind a nomination. 

Perhaps the saddest way to look at the film is as a metaphor for our collective ambitions for Space exploration - they all seem to have coming crashing down...

copyright 2013, Raving Reviews

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Shutdown Mania

Well, we're breathing a collective (oops - Democratic) sigh of relief as the US Congress managed to avoid fiscal collapse by mere minutes this week (making them more and more like the average American family perhaps?).

Anyway, we've decide to take this breather to prepare for the next showdown to create a new Spotify playlist which we have cleverly entitled, "Shutdown Mania" - enjoy it - while you can...

Oh - we'll throw in a tribute to Nick Cage while we're at it...

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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Let's all Boycott Cougar Town

We've got problems with Cougar Town; we had problems with it before and then someone decided to save the show this season and resurrect it on TBS - now we're really upset.

Apparently Cougar Town is a real place - supposedly near Sarasota but they're denying it...

Why? well it all started with this ad which we were forced to watch at the beginning of Abe Lincoln (and two other films at the cinema) last month...

Worst promotional ad ever - worthy a negligence suit against someone

Being pummeled by this ad wasn't the end though - more ads began showing up on cable...

They're cougars and alcoholics?

We're not sure what's so hilarious about people standing around their kitchen gulping down wine - but then again we're not sure why being a middle aged woman is worthy of ridicule either.

So, if those ads and the stupid premise for the show weren't bad enough we've got several more problems with the show:

• Didn't we already essentially explore the same topics with Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives?

• Why do we have to watch Courtney Cox embarrass herself  - and who in the heck invited her up to dance with Springsteen anyway? 

• These guys are embarrassing most of the state of Florida.

• Both the male and female characters seem vacuous and dull - where's the storyline? 

• Why is funnier for middle aged women to be divorced then middle aged men? (Men of a Certain Age got cancelled and no asked to bring that back)

• We don't like the idea of a show being based entirely on demographics and popular culture lingo - and if they are going to do that why not go for MILFs?  

• Why is living on a cul de sac supposed to be funny?

This where it all started for Courtney - from teenie MTV dancer to cougar

We're calling for a boycott of the show - or at least a ban on their showing ads at movie theaters.

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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Insecurity - A Raving Playlist

Have you been feeling down, depressed, small, insignificant or otherwise insecure - then you should probably not listen to today's Raving Playlist. And if you're bi-polar, not a good idea either but we suggest you try either:

• Harmonic Insanity    or
• Incoherent 

Today's playlist takes the Winter doldrums and amps them up with steroids to generate audio-manic depression from some of the most disturbed musicians in history. The band being highlighted throughout the list is Alice in Chains. These guys are the only band we know of that were able to take a Kafka short story and turn it into a chart-busting rock hit. You'd never guess by listening to their songs that the lead singer would die a pathetic, tragic death at 34 - or maybe you would. Why Alice in Chains was so popular is hard to explain - there is something that speaks to you through the suffering in their songs - it's just not too clear what it's saying. Perhaps we all feel like that a little now and then - but our success is in being able to leave it behind.

Alice in Chains

Man in the box is the most awesome depressing song ever

Life got you down ? - don't listen to this

Insecure

Monty Python – Galaxy Song (Monty Python Sings)
Alice In Chains – Man In The Box
Counting Crows – A Long December
3 Doors Down – Loser
22-20s – Such A Fool
The Police – Message In A Bottle - live
Beck – Corvette Bummer
Pearl Jam – I Got Shit
Alice In Chains – Down In A Hole
Genesis – No Reply At All - 2007 Remastered LP Version
John Mellencamp – No One Cares About Me
The Doors – The End - Live Hollywood Bowl 1968
Bob Seger – Beautiful Loser
The Transgressions – Drunk & Depressed
Alice In Chains – I Stay Away
Genesis – Misunderstanding - 2007 Remastered LP Version
The Police – King Of Pain - 2003 Stereo Remastered Version
Nirvana – Negative Creep
Genesis – Man On The Corner - 2007 Remastered LP Version
The Police – Voices Inside My Head - 2003 Stereo Remastered Version
John Mellencamp – Lonely Ol' Night
Beck – Loser
R.E.M. – Everybody Hurts
Stone Temple Pilots – Creep
Pearl Jam – Nothingman
John Mellencamp – If I Die Sudden - Live
Sheryl Crow – A Change Would Do You Good
Lenny Kravitz – Fly Away
Alice In Chains – We Die Young
New Found Glory – Dumped
Johnny Cash – Man In Black
Counting Crows – Big Yellow Taxi
Alice In Chains – Them Bones
The Killers – All These Things That I've Done
Nine Inch Nails – Head Like a Hole
Genesis – Alone Tonight - 2007 Remastered LP Version
John Mellencamp – Longest Days
Alice In Chains – Shame In You
The Police – Walking In Your Footsteps - 2003 Stereo Remastered Version
John Mellencamp – The End Of The World
Alice In Chains – Would?
Johnny Cash – Ring Of Fire
Counting Crows – Rain King
Genesis – I Can't Dance - 2007 Remastered Album Version
John Mellencamp – Crumblin' Down
Senses Fail – Can't Be Saved
When Saints Go Machine – Fail Forever
Alice In Chains – Sea Of Sorrow
Soundgarden – Black Hole Sun
Pearl Jam – Life Wasted
Nirvana – All Apologies
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Under The Bridge
R.E.M. – It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
The Police – Spirits In The Material World - 2003 Stereo Remastered Version
The Cars – All Mixed Up
Counting Crows – Mrs. Potters Lullaby
Monty Python – Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life (Monty Python Sings)
The B-52's – Private Idaho
Dave Matthews Band – Ants Marching - From State Theatre, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Paramore – Misery Business
The Allman Brothers Band – Whipping Post
Johnny Cash – Hurt
Buddy Holly – Think It Over
Creedence Clearwater Revival – Have You Ever Seen The Rain
Soundgarden – Fell On Black Days
Nirvana – Lithium
Alice In Chains – Angry Chair
Social Distortion - Ring of Fire

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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Raving Predictions for 2013

We're hurtling into the future at warp speed  - ok, maybe not quite that fast but the New Year is coming up pretty soon. It's time for our predictions for things to come next year. Will they come true - who knows, we're not psychic - we just make educated guesses based upon the facts - that's it.

Our balls (uh, ball) are (is) bigger than yours...

Predictions for the New Year:

• Gas companies employees drilling deep wells in Eastern Ohio will plunge to the center of earth and befriend Neanderthals while being chased by alien lizards and dinosaurs.

Fracking's number 1 opponent

• Time will stand still for awhile but few people will notice because they won't have their watches.

• The first Facebook Church will open - it will become it's own religion. Eventually this will lead to a holy war against Twitter.

• Wayne LaPierre and the NRA will call for armed waiters in restaurants, armed attendants in nursing homes, armed referrees at all sporting events, armed moderators on political shows, and arming the entire cast of Glee. The NRA will also create a new cartoon to emphasize to America's youth the importance of shooting first, called Bullet Buddies. 



Don't know much about history, don't care for Geometry, but give me some bullets and an Uzi...

• The Walking Dead will visit FX's American Horror Story for a battle of the ghouls non-reality special.  

• The new Star Trek movie will feature a cameo by William Shatner as a really big Tribble. 

This rifle was NRA approved - on star date 2230.3

• Congress will movie into negative popularity poll numbers. 

• Mitt Romney will come up with several more excuses as to why he lost - none of them involving him.

• We will fall off the Fiscal Cliff, bounce off of the debt ceiling, plunge into the river of deflation, drown in a pool of liquidity and crawl onto the muddy plains of slow recovery after being stimulated through renewed quantitative easing.



The first step is a doozy - it gets better though...

• Zombies will begin running for office as Tea Party candidates - no one will notice. 

I promise to eat Democrats - A brain in every pot!

• Lot's of people are planning to have sex - not all of them will be so lucky.

• After going over the Fiscal Cliff, renewed budget cuts will force the government to cut all remaining aid for Mental Health - the government will declare victory however by following this year's precedent on autism and redefine all mental illness thus making 90% of currently crazy persons sane next year. This will lead to more crazy people buying assault rifles and arming the cast of Glee.

• The origin of Dark Matter will be discovered - it will have something to do with peanut butter.

• Kim Kardashian will need to pose naked more often to gain attention.

Kim paid a lot for that body - so look at  it already - and don't stop

Kim sings too - although usually dressed like that

• Elton John and Madonna will find out that they are the same person.

• Life will be found on Mars. They will be really pissed about how bad the John Carter movie turned out.

music from Mars about Mars

• Birds will sue Bees for sexual harassment.  

• PCs and Macs will sign a non-aggression treaty; the peace will be short-lived after Windows 8 claims that it is "hip."

The long war between Macs and PCs has often been both ugly and vicious... 

• Scientists will discover the meaning of life - corporate funded 'deniers' will insist they are wrong and encourage more consumer spending. 

• George Lucas will change his mind about Star Wars and ask for control of episode 7 when he sees Justin Bieber cast as Luke Skywalker. Disney will try to change the tagline to "The Beliebers are with you."

• Global Warming will get hotter, polar bears will break into homes all across Canada that have central air and / or a pool.

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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The Dumbest Quotes of 2012

Well, it's the end of the year and it's a time for reflection - reflection about all the stupid things that may have happened during the year and most importantly, recognition of the most incredibly goofy comments that folks have made throughout 2012. This is not an attack on Hollywood per se, we're drawing on quotes from across the globe and from a wide spectrum of professions.

Never has a chair been so severely lectured... this poor chair was Unforgiven

Without further adieu, here is the list of dumbest quotes of 2012:

• What do you mean, 'Shut up?' ... What do you want me to tell Romney? I can't tell him to do that to himself. You're getting as bad as Biden. Clint Eastwood, talking to the chair

The complete chair humiliation experience...

• "Ifs and ands and buts are like candy and nuts" House Speaker John Boehner

• In 2012, what's next? Metro, Metro, Metro. And, of course, Windows, Windows, Windows.--Steve Ballmer, CEO, Microsoft 

• "I promise you, the president has a big stick." — Vice President Joe Biden

Makes you wonder how well these two know each other...

• There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what ... who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims ... these are people who pay no income tax ... and so my job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them that they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives – Mitt Romney

• “We do  ook very different, we're older. Leo's 37, I'm 36 — we were 21 and 22 when we made that film. You know, he's fatter now — I'm thinner.” - Kate Winslet

• “I do destroy men on a weekly basis. It's like a hobby. I'm like a praying mantis. They [sleep with] me, and then I eat them.”- Ke$ha

I like my men medium rare with mushrooms on the side and lot's pepper on top

• Under no circumstances am I going to willingly talk to the police in this country. You can say I'm paranoid about it, but they will kill me, there is no question."-- John McAfee 

• “Marriage is what marriage is … It’s like going out and saying, ‘That tree is a car.’ Well, the tree’s not a car. A tree’s a tree. Marriage is marriage.” — Rick Santorum 

• “It's almost as laughable as accusing Fox News of being news.”- Miss Piggy, in reference to Fox Business Network claiming that The Muppets had an anti-oil agenda for kids

• “When I eventually looked in the mirror I just thought I looked like my gay brother.” - Anne Hathaway 

• “President Obama promised to begin to slow the rise of the oceans. And to heal the planet. My promise is to help you and your family.” — Mitt Romney

• “Why did I get put in jail and Nickelodeon star has had NO punishment(s) so far?” - Lindsay Lohan

• We should have a straight way to go in our similar or in our lives or as is this … I am a surfer and I think the best way I can take is the wave that I wait for it.  Miss Venezuela 2012

• “I’ve got a little bumper sticker for you: Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive.” — Joe Biden

• "Your penis was a revelation. I'm available to work with it anytime." — Charlize Theron talking about costar Michael Fassbender's member

• “Each and every day that I’ve been a United States senator, I’ve been discussing issues, meeting on issues, in secret meetings with kings and queens and prime ministers and business leaders and military leaders talking, voting, working on issues every single day.” — Sen. Scott Brown

• I'm not crazy anymore - Charlie Sheen

• I couldn't sacrifice my heart for a publicity stunt - Kim Kardashian

• “If ObamaCare had been fully implemented when I caught cancer, I’d be dead.” — Herman Cain

• Once he started looking like me, that's when I kind of got it. I put things together - Arnold Schwarzenegger

• “President Obama once said he wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob!” — Rick Santorum 

• The world is not going to end in 2012 - The world will end when I lose my Beliebers. Justin Bieber

We just can't Belieb this guy...

• “Lemon. Wet. Good.” — Mitt Romney

• “What does it say about the college coed Susan Fluke [sic] who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex?” – Rush Limbaugh

• “I am so mad at the press I could just strangle them!” — Ann Romney

• “I’m not familiar precisely with what I said, but I’ll stand by what I said, whatever it was.” — Mitt Romney

Who knew this guy was so funny?

• “But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead.” — Former Newt Gingrich spokesperson Rick Tyler

• “You know, back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraception. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.” — Foster Friess

• “This feels good, being back in Michigan… You know, the trees are the right height.” — Mitt Romney

• “I would do away with Education, Commerce, and let’s see — the third one I can’t. I can’t. Oops.” — Rick Perry

• “She’s such a nightmare," he said, before adding that "she looks like a f--king fairground stripper." Elton John on Madonna

Fairground Stripper? You decide...

Fairground stripper? you decide...

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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Why We Like Psych

Psych is the longest running original program on the USA Network - ok maybe that isn't saying too much as we can't really remember too many other USA Network shows at all. But that's not the point - the show has been running for 7 seasons and thanks to Netflix, it is reaching a much larger audience than it otherwise might and we just love it. And BTW - Season 7 will launch in February of 2013.

So how did we find out about Psych and start watching it? Well, it's really weird - it's like the app developers at Netflix hooked up with those spooky psychics at what's left of PeoplePC.com and tapped right into our brains. For more than a year, Psych was just sitting there in our recommended queue (btw - does anyone else know why queue is spelled like that?) - staring at us but we refused to watch. It looked weird and not interesting. What we didn't know then was that Psych is the funniest show on television today. Hats off (for those of you who wear hats - although we're probably talking baseball caps here) to show creator Steve Franks for assembling an unbelievable cast and some really great writers and ultimately it is the writing and the jokes that make this show so interesting.

The Mentalist gone Mental?

So why do we like Netflix so much? Here's our really long list of reasons; Psych...

• Has the best popular culture references from the 1980's of any television show or movie ever produced.
• Is filled with more cameos from stars from the 1980's of any show ever produced.
• Has the best chase scenes featuring a Toyota Yaris or Echo (referred to as the Blueberry) ever filmed.
• Is the only show we know that has tackled the Breakfast Club from every possible angle - including use of cameos and even mocking the lead singer of Tears for Fears (during a cameo).
• Includes the best vampire imitations of Lestat and Blackula ever (and no he wasn't Count Chocula).
• Has resurrected the career of Corbin Bersen (80's star from LA Law) and it turns out he's pretty funny.
• Features the best use of establishing shots to make you forget the show is actually being filmed in Vancouver.
• Is the best buddy show ever perhaps - short of Abbott and Costello - except that there's no straight man in Psych (btw that's a comedy term - nothing to do with sex).
• Gave Danny Glover a job even though he looks like he's a 100 now (and William Devane and Action Jackson/Apollo Creed too). 
• Built a show around stealing a Stars Wars action figure (of Darth Vader). 
• Manages to fit in lot's of offensive humor without seeming offensive. 
• Is able to spoof both the classic detective dramas as well as most other genres of TV show.
• Created the best homage to the Bourne Identity ever - well not so much an homage but they did have Matt Damon's girlfriend in the episode.
• Has the best flashbacks to childhood memories and the ability to link those to the current day action. 
• Has the best Coroner character in the history of TV (sorry Quincy - rest in peace). And the homage to the Hangover was the Coroner's best episode. 
• Invented the largest quantity of goofy sidekick nicknames - ever (see the 2nd clip below). 
• Has the best use of the actor who played Batmanuel since he appeared in the Tick (it's a long story we'll tell you about that in another post).
• Filmed the best TJ Hooker parody ever.
• Was able to use William Shatner in an episode and not let the guy make a huge ass out of himself (quite the accomplishment).
• Has the Best show theme written by the same guy who created the show. 
• Featured one of the best episode as comic book plots ever - with "Tap Man" and "the Catch."
• Has the best show tag line - "To Predict and Serve."
• Sports the best use of Val Kilmer has gotten really big lately jokes.
• Developed the best multiple Christmas homage / ripoff of It's a Wonderful life, A Christmas Carol and Bad Santa (this includes the best dwarf cameo ever).
• Filmed the best Cuckoo's Nest sort of homage ever...
• Had the best episode title ever "Viagra Falls."

Psych has a thing for Pineapples - we like that too

In short Psych is perhaps the funniest, most creative show we've seen in years and even more remarkably - it has managed not to get cancelled. The premise of the show is that Shawn Spencer having been trained in the ways of police-work as a child by his semi-psychotic detective father and has the ability to solve crimes. However, since he hasn't gone to the Police Academy (although that happens later in an episode with the Karate Kid Ralph Machio) he resorts to pretending he has psychic abilities and then ropes in his best friend Gus to be his partner in a psychic private detective agency called - Psych.

The many identities of Gus (Dule Hill)

Those of you who are fans of Mr. Aaron Sorkin may remember Dule from the West Wing. The two main characters, Dule and James Roday, have an incredible chemistry and the rest of the cast is pretty good too. Here are some of our favorite lines / quotes from  Psych:

• Remember, Dad, you treat a woman like a person, then a princess, then a goddess, then a person again. (Shawn)

• I can't spend the night in the museum. I don't have my toothbrush, I don't have my multi-vitamins, and oh yeah, I don't want my soul suffering eternal damnation for disrupting the sleep of an Egyptian canal digger. (Gus)

• My pilot's license? It's out back in the Cessna. Or perhaps you're referring to my license to kill? Revoked. Problems at the Kazakhstan border. I'd give you the details, but then I'd have to kill you... which I can't do because my license to kill has been revoked.  (Shawn)

• There are some things about women that only me and NBC anchor Brian Williams know. (Shawn)

• What more do you need? I told you she's blonde, and pale, and beautiful and perfect. So get me a name and get me an address and get me some aspirin! (Carrlton)

• I'd say that's pretty ridiculous. Not as ridiculous as Denise Richards playing a nuclear physicist named Christmas Jones in a Bond movie, but still. (Shawn)

• Great. Now you've gotten me kicked out of a funeral. Just add it to the list. Kicked out of Petsmart, kicked out of Santa's Village, kicked out of the Salvation Army (Gus)

• Please tell me you're not one of those courtroom groupies that bounces from trial to trial…wait a second, was that you at the Michael Jackson hearing with the sequined glove and the shirt that said "Please free the man in the mirror"? (Shawn)

• Gus, don't be a melted chocolate chip cookie. (Shawn)

Don't hate us because we're beautiful vampires

• Gus: Wait a second! This is my Airwolf windbreaker! I've been looking for this for like five years now! Why did you take this? I never even saw you wear it. 
• Shawn: Of course I didn't wear it. I took it so you wouldn't. Don't put it on. Gus, nobody had an Airwolf jacket except Jan-Michael Vincent!

• Shawn: I can play six degrees of dinosaur with you right now... You've never been in a movie with Kevin Bacon or a dilophosaurus, have you?
• Gus: How about you play six degrees of kiss my ass?
• Shawn: First of all, that sounds like a totally disturbing game.

Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved

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The Grinch who Shot Christmas

Yesterday a man shot 4 firefighters in New York (using the same type of assault rifle used in Sandy Hook) while they were responding to a fire, two died. Several days ago 4 were killed in a shooting spree across Pennsylvania. A week before that, we all witnessed the national horror of the mass killings of children at the Sandy Hook elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. This has been a bloody, awful year for gun violence in America and it seems as though it's continuing to the last possible moment. But nothing was so disturbing perhaps as the NRA press conference held just days before the Christmas holiday. In this conference, the very frightening director of that, group Wayne LaPierre, outline his vision for the future and in doing so has become America's official Grinch.

There's a new Grinch in town...

Granted, there are a few things we happen to agree with America's new Grinch on - for example there are likely improvements that can be made to school security and America's popular culture does seem to have dipped lower and lower of recent years becoming ever more violent in nature. What we don't agree with however is the vision of the future in America that he seems to be espousing - a vision that requires every American to be armed in order to prevent - you guessed it - being shot by other armed Americans. Grinch LaPierre doesn't ever want to consider viewing guns a problem - instead they are always and ever will be his only solution. The Grinch wants more guns, guns carried in the open, guns that carry extended magazines as well as assault rifles with semi-automatic capability. Back in the 1980's we had an expression for places that were that heavily armed and dangerous - Beirut - sounds a lot like what the Grinch is advocating.

As for his proposal, what if Sandy Hook had hired an armed guard before the massacre? One man armed say with a semi-automatic pistol. How would that guard have fared against a lunatic with an assault rifle with unlimited ammunition? He or she would have likely ended up just another corpse. Of course, the Grinch might respond to that; let's place a 50 caliber machine gun out front or an armored personnel carrier. It works in the third world, right?

At least this Grinch ain't packin'

The reason why people are calling Mr. LaPierre crazy is simple:

1. He may be the most insensitive, paranoid man on the planet (e.g. his main concern regarding the massacre of 26 6 year old students and their teachers was that it might be seen as an attack on his organization).
2. He is blatantly incapable of participating in rational dialog. Each year in the US more people die from gunshots than in the past 10 years of war in Afghanistan and Iraq combined. The levels of gun violence are directly proportional to access to weapons.
3. He is advocating something no sane person in this country wants - a country where it's not safe to live in without being heavily armed. We don't want to be Beirut, or Juarez, Mexico or the wild west (which by the way was not as dangerous as the US is now because believe it or not there weren't as many guns).

The full NRA Press Conference last week

We need to ask ourselves, why has the national media been listening to this lunatic for so long? Why does his relatively small organization hold sway over the national dialog on guns? How can a gun industry that makes only a few billion a year make such an impact on our lives in a multi-trillion dollar a year economy? Every year we pay more in medical costs for gun victims (more than 100,000 per year) than the gun industry earns. 

If Grinch LaPierre wants to know why American culture is becoming so violent - he should start by looking at what the NRA has done over the years. He has advocated guns and violence as a means to control guns and violence - he's the Grinch who shot Christmas and he's taking aim at the New Year. 

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