You may have noticed that we don't have ratings associated with any of our reviews and were probably wondering - why is it we don't have any stars, smiley faces, points or grades assessed to these movies and things we're critiquing? Well, we have an answer to your burning question - at least this one anyway. We here at Raving Reviews do not believe in ratings. Why, you ask? You sure do ask a lot of questions, ok, here's our list as to why we don't believe in ratings:
Ratings are subjective, art is subjective, subjectivity is subjective. (we're very objective in making these claims)
"That's 1 star out of 4 you miserable little punk "- oh the memories we can never erase...
Because we were rated in playgrounds as children and are emotionally scarred now.
Because we don't believe in IQs and ratings are a lot like IQs.
Our IQ is none of your business, not that they're small - 'cause they're not - really
Because it's all political and we hate politics. (well, sometimes)
Because we don't know more than you do and you don't more than us and this is a Democracy damn it ! (guess we do like politics after all).
Because low ratings might cause otherwise nice people to starve or high ratings might allow jerky people to get rich just because they're good directors or actors, etc. (we're sure that some of Hollywood's worst films were created by its nicest residents).
What if we had ratings in the Louvre? Would you give the Mona Lisa a 2.3 out 5 - or worse?
This is what would happen if the Louvre had ratings.
We believe in the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle of Motion Pictures; "When you measure a movie, you become part of that movie's marketing campaign."
If you're not sure about this, join the club
Because not everything is about logic you green-blooded, pointy-eared bastard!
I need a stress pill
Because we don't believe in standardized assessments and making everyone think the same way. We're not robots, we're human beings dammit! (refer to photo above).
Because we reserve the right to change our minds and those pesky ratings might pin us down.
Because it's hard to rate geniuses and even harder to rate morons.
We hope that answers all of your questions, we've got a survey for you to fill out now.
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews™ - All Rights Reserved
What makes a movie a classic film? Is it the age of the picture, its relative popularity; does it have to be one particular genre or is it a genre unto itself? Do critics determine what is or isn't classic or is it the movie lovers? Do you have to take film appreciation courses to be able to identify whether or not a movie is classic? We will try to answer those questions for you as we introduce the first review in a new series we're calling, Raving Classics.
Answers:
You don't have to take any film classes to be able to identify a classic. We took some of those classes and can assure you they were a giant waste of time.
Classics don't belong to any one genre or any one time - they cross all of them. Films released this year could be classics and virtually any type of film might be considered classic - even some documentaries (Capra's "Why we Fight" is a good example).
You don't need critics to tell what is a classic, but they can help you find them if you haven't already discovered them on your own.
Classic Criteria: Here are some guidelines that might be used to help assess whether a film is worthy of being called "Classic."
It's fun to watch.
It never gets old - you watch it over and over again and still appreciate it.
It makes you feel something, or think something new, interesting or otherwise thrilling.
A classic often gets remade, but the remakes to a real classic never measure up to the original (which is perhaps why no one has tried a remake of Gone with the Wind).
A classic has memorable moments that stay with you and often these become cultural guideposts or pillars that help to define an age.
So there you have it; our criteria for a classic film. With that we will now review our first Raving Classic - just in time for the onset of cold weather but not too long after Halloween. We're reviewing one of our favorite movies ever - John Carpenter's, The Thing.
Things heat up in the coldest place in the world... Poster art for The Thing
John Carpenter's The Thing (1982) is all about atmosphere - it takes us to the end of the world and strands us there with a handful of bearded and ultimately desperate men (this is definitely not a chick flick). The film's understated soundtrack evokes Jaws but at a much deeper level - helping to establish a sense of foreboding that builds steadily as we drive deeper into the mystery and paranoia that ensues. As you may know this film is itself a remake of a 1951 film and has been remade again recently (2011), which makes it a bit unusual as classics go in that the second one hit the jackpot while the first and third tries missed badly.
CPR was never the same after this scene from "The Thing"
John Carpenter's The Thing succeeded where the others failed for a number of reasons:
An excellent ensemble cast with a very strong performances by the lead Kurt Russell and his sort of nemesis, Keith David (who can now be seen in Cloud Atlas).
A very neatly wrapped storyline - it wasn't complicated by any means - but seemed perfectly believable. We're dropped right into the situation and accept it instantly.
The tension of this film is palpable. Even after watching it more than 10 times it's still there - and the question of whether or not you can trust the folks around you allows us to drop into a temporary paranoid fantasy without having to stay too long (unlike the X-Files).
No One Gets Out Alive - How cool is that? No obvious sequels with the same cast anyway.
The Big Question - This film doesn't answer the big question - what happens next and that makes the movie even more menacing. The 2011 remake actually represents a sort of prequel with a focus on the Norwegian team that dug up the monster so we've still never found out what happened when the rescue team returns to the American Research station.
The Battle between McCready and the Monsters was Epic - This guy was cool, the hat, the Whiskey and the wits to take on the toughest bastards in the galaxy.
Groundbreaking Special Effects - This movie came well before the advent of computer animation. These monsters were handcrafted with lots of love and still look convincing today. Who can ever forget the slime dogs and spider-head guy? Unlike many monster, alien or horror flicks, these effects truly advance the plot and ensure the believability of the premise. They are among us and they are not nice...
McCready encounters a dead Norwegian (segue to 2011 remake)
The characters in The Thing seem like a very ordinary bunch of men placed in an extraordinary situation which unfolds before their eyes very rapidly. The situation makes them question who exactly their co-workers are in a more profound way than most of us will ever do. And keep in mind, the first two versions of the Thing were still very much Cold War metaphors - placing them both in cold locales was like having your cake and eating it too. Being paranoid and scared can be a lot of fun, so next time it starts snowing out, turn the lights down low and watch the 1982 version of The Thing.
A really great trailer, but that's to be expected.
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews™ - All Rights Reserved
At least we think it is. We haven't talked much about music on Raving Reviews yet but we'll start today by opening up a dialog about Alternative Music. The first question that pops into our minds is "alternative to what, exactly?" Interesting question - we'll assume it means alternative to whatever the popular music of the day might be but then that could encompass a lot more than what we consider to be Alternative - it could include for example Polka Disco or Electronic Didgeridoos. It seems as though a definition may be in order before we share our most awesome playlist with you.
The B-52's were an early Alt band (before it was called alternative)
Alternative Music - (our own personal definition): A form of rock music that highlights nontraditional harmonies, stylistic approaches or instrumental innovations. It is often place where popular trends are born and later become mainstream. Alternative music often appeals to younger audiences but is not limited to them. Many "Alt" bands have a club band feel to them, others create a persona wholly unique to themselves.
Album art from Muse - Supermassive Black Hole, 2008 - Physics has a beat
One thing we're sure of after scouring many lists of favorite alternative songs or bands is that no two people define it the same way. With that in mind here is our list (you can find it on Spotify if you'd like to listen):
Alternative Reality
Muse – Supermassive Black Hole
Live – Lightning Crashes
The B-52's – 52 Girls - Party Mix Version
Nirvana – All Apologies
Screaming Trees – Nearly Lost You
Dinosaur Jr. – Feel The Pain - 2007 Remastered LP Version
Florence + The Machine – Dog Days Are Over
22-20s – Devil In Me
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Maps
Alice In Chains – No Excuses
Soundgarden – My Wave
Franz Ferdinand – Ulysses
The Hives – 1000 Answers
Depeche Mode – Personal Jesus
The Cult – Fire Woman
Pearl Jam – Given To Fly
Jimmy Eat World – My Best Theory
My Chemical Romance – SING
Live – Selling The Drama
Muse – Uprising
Nirvana – The Man Who Sold The World
Paramore – Decode - Twilight Soundtrack Version
R.E.M. – Shiny Happy People
Shinedown – The Crow & The Butterfly
The Raveonettes – Recharge & Revolt
Violent Femmes – Blister In The Sun
Vampire Weekend – A-Punk
Lifehouse – Halfway Gone
The Wallflowers – 6th Avenue Heartache
Third Eye Blind – Never Let You Go
The Black Keys – Lonely Boy
Counting Crows – Untitled (Love Song)
The English Beat – Mirror In The Bathroom
The Cult – She Sells Sanctuary
Death Cab for Cutie – Meet Me On The Equinox - Soundtrack Album Version
The Psychedelic Furs – Love My Way
Beck – The New Pollution
30 Seconds To Mars – Closer To The Edge
Toad The Wet Sprocket – Fall Down
The Fixx – Red Skies - Original Version
Placebo – For What It's Worth
Alice In Chains – Nutshell
The Cult – Love Removal Machine
Kings Of Leon – Radioactive
My Chemical Romance – Na Na Na [Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na]
Elvis Costello – (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love, & Understanding
The Decemberists – Down By The Water
The Raveonettes – Lust
Days Of The New – Touch, Peel And Stand
Counting Crows – Hanginaround
Weezer – Pork And Beans
The Cranberries – Animal Instinct
The B-52's – Junebug
The Goo Goo Dolls – Broadway
Pixies – The Holiday Song
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Gold Lion
Simple Minds – Sanctify Yourself
New Politics – Yeah Yeah Yeah
The Cult – Rain
Lifehouse – Hanging By A Moment
Depeche Mode – Strangelove
Pearl Jam – Elderly Woman Behind The Counter in a Small Town
Radiohead – Let Down
The Hives – Come On!
The Fixx – Beautiful Friction
Beck – Black Tambourine
Gin Blossoms – Hey Jealousy
Kings Of Leon – Knocked Up
The Cranberries – Dreams
Tonic – If You Could Only See
The Smashing Pumpkins – Cherub Rock
Fine Young Cannibals – Good Thing
Depeche Mode – Policy Of Truth - 2006 Digital Remaster
The Killers – All These Things That I've Done
The B-52's – Topaz
The Cult – Lil’ Devil
Chevelle – The Red
The Lonely Island – Attracted To Us
Echo And The Bunnymen – Lips Like Sugar
Pixies – Where Is My Mind?
Toad The Wet Sprocket – All I Want
The Hives – Two-Timing Touch and Broken Bones
The Killers – Somebody Told Me
The Smashing Pumpkins – Zero
The Cranberries – Linger
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Dani California
Dishwalla – Angels Or Devils
The Raveonettes – Love In A Trashcan
The Alan Parsons Project – Breakdown
Live – All Over You
Depeche Mode – Enjoy The Silence - Remastered Version Original
Three Days Grace – The Good Life
blink-182 – The Rock Show
The Fixx – Just Before Dawn
The Smashing Pumpkins – Tonight, Tonight
The Raconteurs – Steady, As She Goes
R.E.M. – The One I Love
The B-52's – Cosmic Thing
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Otherside
Muse – Unnatural Selection
Pearl Jam – Black
Violent Femmes – Gone Daddy Gone
The Hives – Walk Idiot Walk
Lifehouse – You And Me
Pixies – Here Comes Your Man
Three Days Grace – Animal I Have Become
Paramore – Misery Business
Sonic Youth – Incinerate
Breaking Benjamin – The Diary of Jane
The Alan Parsons Project – I Robot
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Under The Bridge
Dinosaur Jr. – See It On Your Side
Arctic Monkeys – Fluorescent Adolescent
Jane's Addiction – Just Because
The Fixx – One Thing Leads To Another
22-20s – Such A Fool
Good Charlotte – Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous
Arctic Monkeys – Teddy Picker
Anberlin – The Feel Good Drag
The B-52's – Deadbeat Club
Depeche Mode – Just Can't Get Enough
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Parallel Universe
The Cult – Sun King
Lifehouse – First Time
The Alan Parsons Project – Games People Play
Dinosaur Jr. – Don't Pretend You Didn't Know
Pearl Jam – Alive
Dinosaur Jr. – Watch the Corners
Paramore – I Caught Myself - Twilight Soundtrack Version
Smashing Pumpkins – Hummer
Muse – Starlight
Lifehouse – From Where You Are
The Heavy – How You Like Me Now
The Smashing Pumpkins – Bullet With Butterfly Wings
The Killers – Smile Like You Mean It
Muse – Hysteria
The Go-Betweens – Love Goes On!
The Smithereens – Only A Memory
Pearl Jam – Corduroy - 2011 Remaster
The Smashing Pumpkins – Tonight, Tonight
The Killers – When You Were Young
Beck – Sexx Laws
The Cranberries – Analyse
The Hives – Go Right Ahead
Depeche Mode – Everything Counts
The Fixx – Stand Or Fall
Shinedown – Second Chance
Three Days Grace – Break
blink-182 – All The Small Things
Breaking Benjamin – Without You
Staind – It's Been Awhile
The Fixx – Saved By Zero
The Hives – Hate To Say I Told You So
3 Doors Down – When You're Young
R.E.M. – Pop Song 89
The English Beat – Hands Off... She's Mine
The Cranberries – Yeats' Grave
Pixies – Cecilia Ann
Toadies – I Come From The Water
3 Doors Down – Here Without You
Jane's Addiction – Superhero
Screaming Trees – Ash Gray Sunday
Pearl Jam – Jeremy
Green Day – Oh Love
Pearl Jam – Once
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Around The World
Gin Blossoms – Until I Fall Away
The Cure – Lovesong
Prodigy – Firestarter
Jimmy Eat World – If You Don't, Don't
3 Doors Down – When I'm Gone
Jane's Addiction – Had A Dad
Radiohead – Fake Plastic Trees
The Smashing Pumpkins – Today
The Hives – Tick, Tick, Boom
Nirvana – Heart Shaped Box
Pearl Jam – Just Breathe
The English Beat – Save It For Later
My Chemical Romance – Helena - So Long & Goodnight Album Version
Evanescence – Made Of Stone
The B-52's – Private Idaho - Party Mix-Album Version
Muse – Plug In Baby
The Offspring – Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)
Death Cab for Cutie – You Are A Tourist
Plain White T's – Hey There Delilah
Breaking Benjamin – Breath
The Hives – Patrolling Days
3 Doors Down – Your Arms Feel Like home
Muse – Map Of The Problematique
The Hives – Abra Cadaver
Staind – So Far Away
blink-182 – After Midnight
Radiohead – Paranoid Android
Live – I Alone
3 Doors Down – Away From The Sun
Pearl Jam – Yellow Ledbetter
Nirvana – Dumb
The Offspring – The Future Is Now
Good Charlotte – I Don't Wanna Be In Love (Dance Floor Anthem)
Neon Trees – Teenage Sounds
PORNO FOR PYROS – Pets
The English Beat – The Tears Of A Clown
Green Day – Brain Stew
Jimmy Eat World – Hear You Me
3 Doors Down – Be Like That
Oasis – Wonderwall
The Smashing Pumpkins – 1979
Evanescence – What You Want
Radiohead – High And Dry
The Smithereens – Blood And Roses
blink-182 – Going Away To College
Muse – Undisclosed Desires
The Killers – Change Your Mind
Nirvana – Love Buzz
Counting Crows – Round Here
The Smashing Pumpkins – Disarm
Gin Blossoms – Follow You Down
3 Doors Down – Time Of My Life
Nirvana – Pennyroyal Tea - Single Mix
Jimmy Eat World – The Authority Song
Placebo – Ashtray Heart
Green Day – Jesus Of Suburbia
Radiohead – Karma Police
The Black Keys – Howlin' For You
Jimmy Eat World – Your House
The Bravery – Believe
R.E.M. – Man On The Moon
Kings Of Leon – Pyro
Oasis – Live Forever
Fall Out Boy – Dance, Dance
Staind – Eyes Wide Open
Sonic Youth – Kool Thing
Jimmy Eat World – The Middle
The Smithereens – A Girl Like You
3 Doors Down – Citizen/Soldier
blink-182 – First Date
The Goo Goo Dolls – Iris
Black Taxi – Tightrope
The Smiths – This Charming Man
Green Day – When I Come Around
R.E.M. – Imitation Of Life
A Flock Of Seagulls – Telecommunication
Jimmy Eat World – A Praise Chorus
The B-52's – Love Shack
Fireflight – Unbreakable
A Flock Of Seagulls – Wishing (If I Had A Photograph Of You)
The Black Keys – Everlasting Light
Radiohead – Creep
Evanescence – My Last Breath
Plain White T's – Rhythm Of Love
Dinosaur Jr. – I Know It Oh So Well
Nine Inch Nails – Closer
Temple Of The Dog – Say Hello 2 Heaven
Neon Trees – 1983
Alice In Chains – Check My Brain
The Go-Betweens – Streets Of Your Town
Gin Blossoms – Til I Hear It From You
The Raconteurs – Salute Your Solution
Nirvana – Aneurysm
Neon Trees – Everybody Talks
Sublime – Doin' Time
The Goo Goo Dolls – Here Is Gone
Fall Out Boy – Sugar, We're Goin Down
Black Taxi – Friend
Counting Crows – Hanginaround
Fall Out Boy – I Don't Care - Single Version
Green Day – Good Riddance [Time Of Your Life]
Neon Trees – Animal
Anberlin – The Unwinding Cable Car
Concrete Blonde – Everybody Knows
Fireflight – For Those Who Wait
The Bravery – An Honest Mistake - CD Album Version
Nirvana – About A Girl
The Blackout – Higher & Higher
Neon Trees – Your Surrender
Chris Cornell – Sunshower - Great Expectations Soundtrack
The B-52's – Bushfire
Nirvana – Big Cheese
Gin Blossoms – Found Out About You
The Psychedelic Furs – Heaven
Dishwalla – Counting Blue Cars (Tell Me Your Thoughts On God)
The Posies – The Glitter Prize - Feat. Kay Hanley
Fiona Apple – Criminal
The Goo Goo Dolls – Slide
Kings Of Leon – Closer
Counting Crows – Accidentally In Love
Chevelle – I Get It
Meat Puppets – Backwater
The Cure – Just Like Heaven
Elvis Costello – Veronica
New Politics – Dignity
Echo And The Bunnymen – The Killing Moon
The Wallflowers – The Difference
Vampire Weekend – Oxford Comma
Oingo Boingo – Dead Man's Party
The Offspring – The Kids Aren't Alright
Fastball – The Way
Weezer – Island In The Sun
Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out
Fine Young Cannibals – She Drives Me Crazy
Morrissey – Suedehead
Third Eye Blind – How's It Going To Be
Toadies – Possum Kingdom
Toad The Wet Sprocket – Something's Always Wrong
Death Cab for Cutie – Soul Meets Body
The Decemberists – This Is Why We Fight
Deftones – Digital Bath
The Black Keys – Tighten Up
The Flaming Lips – She Don't Use Jelly
Prodigy – Breathe
The Heavy – Big Bad Wolf
Florence + The Machine – Spectrum (Say My Name) - Calvin Harris Remix
22-20s – Why Don't You Do It For Me?
Tonic – Open Up Your Eyes
Shinedown – Sound Of Madness
Temple Of The Dog – Say Hello 2 Heaven
Fall Out Boy – Hum Hallelujah
Hum – Stars
Dinosaur Jr. – Rude
Live – The Dolphin's Cry
Vampire Weekend – A-Punk
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews™ - All Rights Reserved
Well, Halloween may be over, but yesterday's remarkable news about Disney buying LucasFilms gives us an opportunity to spring another top 10 list on you. Today, we're going to explore how the Star Wars legacy ought to be continued. Some might say that we need Mr. Lucas, the man who started it all for it to be legitimate, but we disagree. Star Wars is likely to become a bit more like Star Trek in that it is now a multi-generational affair - where every 10 years or so the franchise gets expanded or re-imagined a bit. There is no shortage of directions it might be steered; one of our personal favorites is the notion that perhaps parts of Asimov's Foundation series could be mixed into the larger Star Wars Universe of tales (although Roland Emmerich bought the rights to Foundation several ago, nothing has been done yet). Who hasn't watched the magnificently computer-modeled Coruscant and not thought of Trantor? Perhaps it may be best to keep these alternate realities separate; who's to say how many galactic republic turned empire story-lines we could support?
Star Wars merged with the Foundation Trilogy? Probably not.
That still leaves us without a premise to launch the next generation of Star Wars films, so we're going to propose our top ten recommendations for new episodes that may fit well within the Disney pantheon of characters below:
Episode 7 - The Ewok Menace: The unsuspecting and cuddly Ewoks suffer as fall-out from the exploded Death Star leads to strange ailments and behaviors among them. Eventually, they grow (more) menacing fangs and develop a thirst for blood and power, but still remain cute. The Ewoks turn to the dark side and threaten the newly formed rebel republic.
For those of you who thought the original episodes were cloaked in integrity, remember this?
Episode 8 - Jar Jar's Revenge: Jar Jar Binx catapulted to power in episodes 1-3, and was almost single-highhandedly responsible for plunging the Republic into war. He was the G.W. Bush of his time with Darth Cheney in the background pulling the strings. But what happened after the empire took over? Jar Jar became a shrewd and ruthless politician who sought out and destroyed the rebels (the formers friends who had mocked him). He also targeted all of the other cute and cuddly characters that had proved more lovable and less offensive than himself - Jar Jar puts an end to the Ewok Menace.
Despite many scandals with college interns, nothing stopped Jar Jar's rise to power
Episode 9 - Hope and Change: Many politicians vie for the chancellor's seat, including Jar Jar. Yet none of them proves to be that different from the others and despite their calls for reform, the Republic sinks deeper into an Imperial system. This is the beginning of the "Drone Wars."
Episode -1 The Umpire Strikes Out: Baseball is banned in the Republic after a lot of very questionable calls are made. The Jedi take over officiating for all other professional sports in the Galaxy.
Mickey-wan was defeated in Episode -2, right?
Episode -2 Return of the Rat: Mickey-wan-Mousey is the one - the one who will bring balance to the force - except that there is much fear in him. He sees - cats - coming from all directions and all the powers he has learned to harness are now turning against him. Master Yoda is forced to lure him into a giant trap, baited with peanut butter. The Rat is defeated, but not before fighting an epic battle with the muppets.
Yoda's family reunion.
Episode -3 The Jedi's Apprentice: A rodent with an extraordinary level of miti-clorians in its blood is found by the found by the Jedi and raised by master Yoda. This Rodent is known as Mickey-wan-Mousey.
May the force by with you - as you wait in line for Space Mountain
Episode Emc2 - The Return of Einstein's Brain: Children on Tatooine come across Einstein's brain and bring it to their biology class to use in an experiment. They place the brain in a droid but something goes terribly awry and the new super-brilliant droid, known as EMC2 - launches a Spartacus-like droid rebellion only to be later defeated by Jar Jar Binx.
He is almost as cute as an Ewok
Episode Chapter 11 - The Insolvency: LucasFilms without Lucas is like an ocean without water - or maybe a desert without sand or perhaps even Abbott without Costello. At any rate, Disney forgot to read the fine print where Lucas kept all the merchandising rights and the rest is, history...
Episode W-D 40 - Attack of the Rust: C3PO and R2D2 end up in an assisted living facility for droids, but the all they get is a steady diet of used oil which gums up their works and slows them down. Nurse Rivets has it in for them but finally they manage to escape after Chewbaca (who is in the facility with them for some unknown reason) throws a refrigerator through the window. This all sounds like its happened before - in galaxy far, far away.
Episode 1972 - It's a Small Universe: Luke Skywalker is transported back to the early 1970's on Earth where becomes a Disney Imagineer and creates theme-park rides for DisneyWorld. After coming up with "It's a Small World" he is fired.
These dolls were in some horror film, right? or was that just the ride, or the music?
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
It's Beggars' Night and all the little Ghouls and Goblins are lurking about the neighborhood looking for a sugar fix. We were just flipping through the cable releases and came across a fairly recent horror flick called, The Priest. This film has a decent cast and seems have a fairly decent budget to work with but where it fall short is in the plot.
Well, that's either a cross on his face or he jammed his head into a really large wall socket
We're not sure, but we're guessing this story was based on some type of comic book - the dead giveaway up front was all the semi-animated drawings they used for the intro. The problem with that introduction was that it seemed to assume that we understood the back-story a lot better than we do; it's not clear if it is an alternative reality or ours. Anyway, there's this group of killer clerics called the priests - sort of a Jesuit meets Ninja club. In this story, there are no sexy vampires or hip teenage vampires or Counts running around in capes - instead we have these sort of super-sized naked moles with lots of teeth. These vampires don't have eyes and don't seem to be humanoid at all - in fact the big revelation towards the end is that we have this one former Priest (AKA Dr. McCoy from the Star Trek movie) who becomes the first human vampire (again making us wonder about a back story we seem to be missing). Now it does seem clear that there is a resemblance of these super-moles to the original Nosferatu vampire (shown below) who starred in perhaps the first true horror movie ever made.
This guy (we call him Nosey) could have been on the X-files, actually we think he was
This is the Vampire Mole. Ok, we definitely prefer Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, below
Where's the sexy silicon vampires when you need them?
Back to The Priest; this movie is a bit of a mix between sci-fi and horror but it never truly seems to make up its mind. It's a dark, somewhat dismal view of a post-apocalyptic future (which kind of goes without saying) brought about in this case by some type of all out human / vampire war. The characters are pretty thin, despite some serious staring and brooding by Paul Bettany and many looks of longing from Maggie Q. The tension between the Priests and the Church is assumed but never explained and the big plug for the sequel seemed to be reaching a bit too far. All in all we found "The Priest" disappointing and we recommend the producers of this film perform an act of contrition - let's say 3 "Hail Marys and 4 "Our Fathers." The motorcycles were cool though.
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
As promised we're back with another one of our Top Ten Lists for Halloween - this one is the Top 10 Best Horror shows on TV. While television isn't know for creating a lot of Horror-focused programming, it has over the years produced some truly memorable shows that compete fairly well with the best Cinema has to offer (which is saying a lot considering the sheer number of Horror films created since the dawn of Cinema). Anyway, here's the list...
# 1 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - American Horror Story: Some may argue whether this program belongs on the top of the list considering it only just aired last year - but then again, have you all watched it? The first season boasted a tremendous all-star cast headed by Jessica Lange in what might be the single best role of her career. American Horror story treads across a variety of boundaries for television horror with its many inter-linked and somewhat depraved stories. Perhaps the most interesting thing about the show is its decision to pick a new location and cast every year. Season one is gone forever although we're left to believe that the entire cast of ghosts will remain in that house for enternity as the show shifts directions starting this November 30 (too bad it wasn't in time for Halloween).
This house collects, families...
# 2 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - Kolchak: The Night Stalker : This show doesn't seem as scary as it did back in the 1970's, yet it was a groundbreaking television event in that it was dedicated solely to the horror genre and brought that genre mainstream. House of Dark Shadows had been on TV a few years before but that was more like a Soap Opera - Night Stalker was pure prime time horror and Darren McGavin's hard-nosed Chicago reporter was perhaps the proto-type for (yet much funnier than) Fox Mulder.
Kolchak was definitely NOT part of the mainstream media
# 3 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - Rod Serling's Night Gallery: This was a short-lived (mainly because Rod Serling passed away - well, actually the show was cancelled before he died but it was close) attempt to shift the Twilight Zone format to pure horror. So, it did somewhat preview what Night Stalker would do a few years later - but through the use of an unconnected anthology of horror tales. Just a note, we haven't included Twilight Zone or Outer Limits (either version of the two) because those shows weren't 100% focused on the horror genre, otherwise they would certainly merit inclusion here.
# 4 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - Tales from the Crypt: This HBO series was in some ways like a resurrection of Night Gallery, just without Rod Serling. It marked the first time that the new cable channels began developing original horror content. We might as well throw in Tales from the Darkside here as well given the similarity in format (and the one interesting thing Darkside had was a connection to Zombie tycoon, George Romero). These shows made sure that there was horror to watch on TV across many periods when no horror shows appeared on prime time.
# 5 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - Buffy, The Vampire Slayer: We have somewhat mixed feelings about Buffy, but without a doubt it helped to created a new interest in the horror genre on television and may very well be responsible for the current vampire trend that has paralyzed popular culture. The other thing we like about Buffy was the fact that it gave Joss Whedon his real start in Hollywood (Waterworld doesn't count, enough said).
# 6 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - The X-Files: Ok, so there were lot's of aliens, but Aliens are scary too right? It's impossible to have this list without having the X-files on it. This was the show that made a shrine to paranoia of all sorts - both the paranormal type and extraterrestrial. The truth is that we loved to be pulled into its twisted world and heck they even wrote songs about watching this show with the lights turned off during the 1990's. What more could you ask for?
We want to believe - that David D. didn't chase every girl on the X-Files set...
# 7 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - House of Dark Shadows: This show was the one attempt ever of mixing horror with soap operas. Although, there are many people who think those two genres may be linked by default anyway. Despite that, this black and white show was compelling enough to warrant a film remake this year from director Tim Burton - no doubt this was one of his early influences.
The original Barney was neither purple nor lovable.
# 8 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - The Walking Dead: Zombies of course represent a fairly narrow sliver of the overall Horror genre, yet the Walking Dead has been so superb that it requires a place on this list. It's a real testament to the makers of this show that they took a topic that seemed to have been done to death (pun alert) and breathed new life into it. We like it, we love it we want some more of it. Let's all go to the Waffle Hell - ooops... got carried away.
# 9 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - Millennium: For the folks who couldn't get enough of X-files paranoia - the show spun off two series, The Lone Gunman and Millennium. Millennium took Y2K and added the X-Files with a bit of the Omen for good measure. It all came together to provide us with a profound sense of foreboding for the new millennium. Of course, by the time 2001 rolled around we had other things to worry about and pretty much forgot about this show. No matter how spooky Lance Henriksen looked, he just couldn't compete.
#10 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - Scooby Doo: So, there may be some of you who find this choice surprising being a cartoon and all. But why? Think about it. Nearly every kid in America over a thirty period grew up watching Shaggy and Scooby chasing and being chased by spooks and monsters and solving mysteries - and more often than not - debunking the scary stuff and making us feel better. No other horror show on TV covered this much ground - it all starts with Scooby. Heck they even had they own soundtracks with such memorable hits as "Zoinks!" and "Those Meddlin' Kids" - we've still got old cassette tapes laying around. Time for a Scooby snack - gotta run
Scooby taught us all how to cope with terror...
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
Yesterday evening was dark, rainy and generally miserable out as the Eastern third of the United States was being pummeled by Hurricane Sandy - it seemed like an excellent time to go to the movies - so we did. We had been hearing quite a lot about Cloud Atlas; the feedback so far seemed to be sharply divided pro and con so we had to see it for ourselves (and yes there were multiple of us - we're not referring to one person in the third person). We didn't know what to expect and we understood why shortly after the movie began. We will also try to do our best not give away spoilers for this review.
An extended preview of Cloud Atlas
Cloud Atlas is an altogether different sort of movie. The only thing that comes close is an old flick from the 1970's based upon a Ray Bradbury short story, "The Illustrated Man." There was also a Robin Williams movie from the early 1990's called "Being Human." The idea behind all of these stories is that there may sometimes exist connections between people across lives and across the sea of time. The difference between those earlier versions of the core premise and Cloud Atlas is one of scale and execution. Cloud Atlas tells six stories concurrently, with many parts of the those six stories interwoven with the others. The main cast of this ambitious film were required to play as many as six different (albeit potentially related) characters. And the stories were interesting in how different they were from one another - we move from suspense, to melancholy, to comedy, to terror and to inspiration in turn. There does seem to be an underlying theme that binds most of these stories but we won't give it away - it is one of the pleasures of watching this tour de force.
So much of cinema these days is ordinary, formulaic and downright moronic - and we here do our best to ridicule bad cinema when ridicule is deserved. By the same token, we must also pay homage when we're in the presence of genius. Granted there are parts of the movie that overreach a bit and perhaps the makeup artists and Tom Hanks got a little carried away at times but overall this was a gripping 2 and a half hours of cinema. As the movie progressed we kept wondering when the intricate web of tales might collapse upon its own weight - we waited until the end and it never did. Some have argued in their critiques that the six individual stories were too shallow to stand on their own. We don't think the tales were shallow, but that's partly because they don't really stand on their own - in many cases one tale is a bookend to another and unless you can see it that way you might miss the whole point of the movie.
Hugh Grant as Cannibal Chieftain - he plays not one but 5 bad guys - you go Hugh!
We have to say that the most striking part of the film is that which deals with the character Sonmi-451 - it's pure science fiction and very reminiscent of the Matrix trilogy - not surprising considering that the same folks (the Wachowskis) who made the matrix created this film. It's striking both visually and because of the philosophical and political issues it chooses to tackle and it is a love story as well. There is something haunting and profound about it that we can't quite put our finger on.
Somni-451 is a Fabricant who dreams of freedom - we think the 451 may be an homage to Ray Bradbury
There are going to be people who don't like this movie for its politics or its views on spirituality and the human condition or simply because they find it too long or complex to follow. For the rest of us though, this represents much of why we love movies in the first place. Cloud Atlas is about storytelling and that couldn't be clearer if you pay close attention to the first scene and the last of the movie. And it's not just about telling six compelling stories, it's how those stories are told - within a wider context of stories and cultural currents. This movie witnesses breakout performances by Hanks, Halle Barry, Jim Sturgess, Hugo Weaving and Hugh Grant. It featured an absolutely stunning performance by Jim Broadbent and a remarkable debut by Doona Bae who plays Somni-451. The cinematography throughout the film was first rate and contributed a lot to the overall impact. The movie even featured some very decent comedic performances but we won't give those away.
Cloud Atlas receives our best film of the year award (if we had one). It is highly doubtful anything else will come close, although we do have hopes for Life of Pi. If you enjoy cinema and not simply going to movies to watch things you expect like the Expendables - then you have to see this movie. Love, hate it - it doesn't matter - you should experience it. If you like stories, you'll like Cloud Atlas.
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
Just when you may have thought we ran out of ideas for Halloween Top 10 lists, we're back... Anyway, we thought it was important to explore frightening concepts that Hollywood has otherwise overlooked up until now. We certainly understand that not everyone has the same tastes when it comes to what does or doesn't scare them - we've tried our best to settle upon some universal themes. And BTW - we will have another list coming up after this - the Top 10 Scariest TV shows ever.
# 1 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Frontier Psychiatrist: Besides already having a very catchy soundtrack, we really want to know the rest of story...
This could have only come from... Down Under. Ever wonder about that nickname?
# 2 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Blood Cycle, The Lance Armstrong Story: You've only heard the tip of the iceberg, Lance got blood transfusions during races yes, but from whom and was it willingly given? This is the story that exposes Lance as the blood sucking, organ stealing fiend that seemed somehow superhuman - now we know why. Dracula, Frankenstein and Arnold all rolled into one - he was the true Hell on the Wheels.
What's that you're sipping, Count Spokula?
# 3 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Kardashian Chaos (AKA Sister Hacks): What happens when a gaggle of no-talent bimbos finally get kicked out of the spotlight - they get homicidal, that's what. The high fashion reality TV, fashion model babes wreak havoc on Hollywood - marrying unsuspecting athletes, jamming their high heels into the eye sockets of reporters and generally refusing to be ignored. The ultimate outcome of this film is too hideous to even contemplate - as the world is forced to watch them age much like the Rolling Stones.
You must watch us, forever and ever.........
# 4 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Preservatives: Everyone thinks the end times will come from some horrible virus, but what if - the Zombie Apocalypse started elsewhere - say perhaps at your local supermarket. This is the story of how junk-food preservatives changed our body chemistry and allowed the dead to last and live on - forever. A.K.A. - Revenge of the Twinkies.
You are ,what you eat....
# 5 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Foreclosure: This film idea asks the question what happens when you foreclose on a Haunted House? We think it might go something like this - homeowners get screwed by the bank and the house wreaks revenge on its neighbors by falling apart, failing to mow its yard and generally lowering property values. Eventually the house invites squatters and drug dealers to move in and must be demolished. Pretty scary huh?
# 6 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Sushi: The ultimate slasher er slicer movie. There is nothing more disgusting and creepy than people eating raw meats. Let's make a movie about it; it'll probably be banned.
This used to be alive, have the decency to cook it at least will you!
# 7 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Revenge of the Teens: This is usually only frightening to middle aged parents although there is plenty here to scare the wits out of just about anyone. The whole process is a little like the Alien movie franchise.
# 8 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Attack of the Sub-woofers: They move from town to town, following some really lousy bands waiting - waiting to be turned up just to the right level - that level where you can no longer distinguish noise from music - and then - booom - everyone heads' explode. Taking bad entertainment to the limit...
# 9 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Windows 8: Just when you thought you had finally worked out all your operating system issues, Microsoft introduces another one.
The Horror, ... the... horror...
# 10 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Waffle Hell: Imagine if you can, arriving late at night somewhere in the deep South, into a strange, dirty dank restaurant late - you're just looking for some food (and no it's not Denny's even though it might qualify as purgatory). And then, the jukebox starts playing and all the patrons start singing country tunes (Dolly, Garth Brooks even some Bluegrass) and you can never ever leave. "I got friends in low places..." AHHHHHHHHHH This is the Waffle Hell...
Cholesterol and country music equal eternal suffering at the Waffle Hell
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
Some movies are so scary that you never truly recover from them (like say the Sentinel); on the other hand some movies are just scary bad - so truly horrible, that you can never quite forget them either (no matter how much you may want to). Today's Halloween Top 10 list is dedicated to the absolute worst Horror films ever created. You may be curious how we separate "Least Scary" horror films from the "Worst" horror films. Here's our criteria:
The worst horror are generally not scary but have other attributes besides that;
Attribute 1 - truly dumb premise
Attribute 2 - truly bad acting
Attribute 3 - truly awful script
Attribute 4 - generally rotten special effects
Attribute 5 - total lack of continuity or common sense
Having said all of that, some of these films were at least, original...
Everybody loves Trolls, right? Well maybe not so much. We used to think that Trolls were the ones who took money when you want to cross the bridge - this may have prejudiced our opinions against them.
#1 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Troll & Troll 2: Rule of thumb, most horror movies made regarding trolls, elves, leprechauns and other dwarfs (real or imaginary) have been truly awful. A decent Horror film director could avoid alot of risk by skipping this genre altogether. Troll 2 is often considered to be one of the worst films ever made, although we think Birdemic gives it a good run for its money. They even made a documentary film about how bad this movie was which is high praise, sort of.
#2 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Birdemic: This movie has no redeeming qualities whatsoever; although we did eat in the Double-decker bus restaurant in Half Moon Bay where much of the movie was filmed and that was at least half-way cool. So, anyway this film - if you can call it that - follows a Silicon Valley executive and his dim-witted girlfriend as they battle poorly rendered CG eagles who are really pissed about Global Warming or something. Lot's of clever shots of cars backing up and parking add to the suspense and action.
The entire Internet has joined together in mocking this film - unfortunately the film's producers got the wrong impression from this and are making a sequel.
#3 Worst Horror Film of All Time - The Happening: Painfully stupid, hard to watch - a waste of talent and several years after seeing it we're still not sure what it's about. Something may have happened but we really don't care what and we hope what will happen in the future is that M. Night never makes another Horror film as this is only one in about 4 awful stinkers he's dropped in a row. We think the title ought to be changed to "The Nothingening," or Not Happening.
M Night, you really didn't make the Sixth Sense did you - that kid, Haley what's his name directed it, right?
#4 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Eyes Without a Face: We've always wondered whether Billy Idol's Eyes Without a Face hit from the 1980's was in any way linked to this cult French horror film from the 1960's. Several problems here; 1 - It's French, name one scary French movie. 2 - Oddly enough Face surgery is pretty common now - not so scary, 3 - They're all speaking French which sounds oddly not scary. 4 - Billy Idol is nowhere to be found in this film and the soundtrack sucks. Granted the girl looks a little bit like Michael Myers (from Halloween) older sister - or maybe it was the French Exchange student who stayed with them for the Summer?
Attack of the Mademoiselle !
#5 Worst Horror Film of All Time - GingerDead Man: What happens when you mix Gary Busey with flour, brown sugar and lot's of ginger and cinnamon? Well, perhaps the craziest premise for a movie ever with one of the looniest actors in Hollywood. Maybe not such a good recipe after all. It seems as though the folks who made this film did so with the deliberate intention of creating one of the stupidest movies ever - something to outrank Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and Killer Klowns etc. This is hardly an achievement worth acknowledging except for here on lists of the worst movies ever made. Gary at least had an excuse for doing this (he fell off of his motorcycle a lot), the producers likely have no such excuse.
Talk about your junk food!
#6 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Rabid Grannies: Here's a good one word review for this movie - Yuk! We're not sure exactly what sort of repressed childhood issues the makers of the film were working out - or whether they simply wanted to transfer their psychosis to the audience.
Come here Dearheart, nana is ever so hungry.
#7 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood: Very little commentary is needed here. What do you get when you mix killer Leprechauns with Crack Cocaine ? We'll, let's just say no...
The Racial Stereotypes are hard to escape in this film - Irish people may never recover from it
#8 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Dr. Giggles: We actually paid money in a theater to see this one - we can't remember why. Anyway, we think this film did a lot to undermine our healthcare system in America and it really, really sucked.
Let's give a big hand or two to Dr. Giggles ! or not...
#9 Worst Horror Film of All Time - feardotcom: We asked the question about the Ring, what would happen if it were uploaded to Youtube? This movie just put it on a website without the proper streaming technology so it reached a relatively small number of victims who had to wait forever for the video to buffer. If an internet borne computer virus is ever capable of boring people to death it should be named after this movie.
#10 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus: We weren't sure if this movie belongs on a Horror film list but it's close enough. This movie makes no attempt to hide how bad it can be - it seems to revel in its own low budget absurdities; from reusing the same pair of sunglasses to re-purposing what seems to be a large broom closet as the set for half its locations. At the very least though they come up a with a new attraction to compete with Shamu at Sea World.
Mega Shark can catch jumbo jets in mid-air; take that Shamu!
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
As promised, we're going to complement our list of the Top 10 Scariest Movies of all time with the Top 10 Least Frightening Films ever. Halloween, being the silly holiday that it is - represents a great opportunity to lampoon some of Hollywood's goofier attempts to scare folks. We have also determined that we've become temporarily obsessed with Halloween Top 10 lists so after this post we're going to create a top 10 list on the absolute worst, stupidest Horror films ever made. Enjoy...
Number 1 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Blair Witch Project: So here's the formula; no plot, no budget, no decent cameras or actors and guess what - it's not scary - what a surprise! It's not even entertaining or interesting. The Blair Witch ought to sue for defamation of character. We wanted our money back and we're wondering how we got suckered into going in the first place. This movie launched a trend of found footage - crap horror films. Thanks a lot!
Trees, dirty walls, winter hats and black and white film aren't intrinsically scary on their own (or together for that matter).
Number 2 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Maximum Overdrive: Stephen King is the best Horror story-teller ever hands down. What we don't understand is why the vast majority of his novels turned into huge box office stinkers like Maximum Overdrive. This movie is features killer trucks, a truck stop, killer lawnmowers and a soundtrack provided by AC-DC. How could it go wrong? It took Emilio Estevez's career decades to recover from this.
The scariest thing about this movie was Stephen King's appearance in the Trailer
Number 3 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Did you ever have the sneaking suspicion that your spouse was a giant vegetable or perhaps an alien? Do you find Donald Sutherland's hair to be unusually disturbing? Do you feel paranoid about socialists taking over by 2016? Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions perhaps you might find this movie scary. We didn't - and ye it's safe to eat giant Eggplants.
Are you talking to me ? - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK ?
Number 4 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Frankenstein (1931): Boris Karloff gave us the Monster Mash, but way before that he played the first Horror superstar - Frankenstein. It's hard to imagine anyone found it frightening back when it came out in the thirties as they were already making fun of it in the 1940's with Abbott and Costello. Universal Studios eventually assembled an Avengers-like ensemble of monsters with the Mummy, Dracula, the Werewolf - but it all started with Frankie. He was also the proto-zombie for all zombie flick as well. But the guy was just too nice to be scary.
Squarehead, dead-Bob ?
Number 5 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Bride of Frankenstein: Unlike zombies in today's movies, Frankie wanted to hook up with some superfreaks - perhaps it was the result of a fatal dose of Viagra, who knows. Dr. Frankenstein, wanted to make sure Frankie didn't run off with his wife so he decided to make him a playmate (well not a playmate like that). However something went wrong during the last phase of the reanimation and her perm got ruined, but she was still pretty hot (especially after being juiced with 100,000 volts of electricity). Unfortunately, she wasn't too enthused about her blind date with Frankie and things just didn't work out for them.
She's Electrifying ! - But your not the one that I want...do do do
Number 6 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Scanners:This is the one movie that could have been cured with extra strength Excedrin. Bulging blood veins, heads exploding and an army of mental assassinations fails to make this story interesting or the least bit scary.
Scanners really blew our mind - sorry we couldn't resist
Number 7 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Fly: Jeff Goldblum provides a whole new dimension to the term, I've got a bug in my program with this horror remake from the 1950's (the original starred Vincent Price and wasn't scary either). While entertaining and sometimes gross, the film never crossed the scary threshold except perhaps for an instant during the dream sequence scene when Gina thinks she's given birth to a giant slug.
Number 8 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Cujo (and Pet Cemetery): So we've got Stephen King again, pets and a lot supernatural activity - but we're just not feeling it, sorry. Perhaps if they had made the films using a Pit Bull, who knows.
We're pretty sure Cujo is the same lovable dog from the Tom Hank's film Turner & Hootch
Number 9 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Dreamcatcher: So Stephen King again, sorry Steve - and an all-star cast and aliens this time. Everything happens in Maine of course because that's where Steve places all of his stories, although we heard he lives in Sarasota now so why not any haunted yacht stories? The full-retard alien kid and the toilet and farting scenes make this perhaps one of the the grossest horror films ever but definitely not one of the scariest.
Number 10 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Paranormal Activity: Let's see, I'll take my crap video camera and turn the lights off and on, scream lot and drop things. Ok - didn't I make this movie when I was five years old. Why aren't I getting the royalties?
Who knew CCTV could be soooooo scary? or not
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
The Raving Reviews Blog is dedicated to the convergence of popular and critical review of the motion picture art - that and taking a sometimes irreverent view of popular culture.
