It's Beggars' Night and all the little Ghouls and Goblins are lurking about the neighborhood looking for a sugar fix. We were just flipping through the cable releases and came across a fairly recent horror flick called, The Priest. This film has a decent cast and seems have a fairly decent budget to work with but where it fall short is in the plot.
Well, that's either a cross on his face or he jammed his head into a really large wall socket
We're not sure, but we're guessing this story was based on some type of comic book - the dead giveaway up front was all the semi-animated drawings they used for the intro. The problem with that introduction was that it seemed to assume that we understood the back-story a lot better than we do; it's not clear if it is an alternative reality or ours. Anyway, there's this group of killer clerics called the priests - sort of a Jesuit meets Ninja club. In this story, there are no sexy vampires or hip teenage vampires or Counts running around in capes - instead we have these sort of super-sized naked moles with lots of teeth. These vampires don't have eyes and don't seem to be humanoid at all - in fact the big revelation towards the end is that we have this one former Priest (AKA Dr. McCoy from the Star Trek movie) who becomes the first human vampire (again making us wonder about a back story we seem to be missing). Now it does seem clear that there is a resemblance of these super-moles to the original Nosferatu vampire (shown below) who starred in perhaps the first true horror movie ever made.
This guy (we call him Nosey) could have been on the X-files, actually we think he was
This is the Vampire Mole. Ok, we definitely prefer Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, below
Where's the sexy silicon vampires when you need them?
Back to The Priest; this movie is a bit of a mix between sci-fi and horror but it never truly seems to make up its mind. It's a dark, somewhat dismal view of a post-apocalyptic future (which kind of goes without saying) brought about in this case by some type of all out human / vampire war. The characters are pretty thin, despite some serious staring and brooding by Paul Bettany and many looks of longing from Maggie Q. The tension between the Priests and the Church is assumed but never explained and the big plug for the sequel seemed to be reaching a bit too far. All in all we found "The Priest" disappointing and we recommend the producers of this film perform an act of contrition - let's say 3 "Hail Marys and 4 "Our Fathers." The motorcycles were cool though.
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
As promised we're back with another one of our Top Ten Lists for Halloween - this one is the Top 10 Best Horror shows on TV. While television isn't know for creating a lot of Horror-focused programming, it has over the years produced some truly memorable shows that compete fairly well with the best Cinema has to offer (which is saying a lot considering the sheer number of Horror films created since the dawn of Cinema). Anyway, here's the list...
# 1 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - American Horror Story: Some may argue whether this program belongs on the top of the list considering it only just aired last year - but then again, have you all watched it? The first season boasted a tremendous all-star cast headed by Jessica Lange in what might be the single best role of her career. American Horror story treads across a variety of boundaries for television horror with its many inter-linked and somewhat depraved stories. Perhaps the most interesting thing about the show is its decision to pick a new location and cast every year. Season one is gone forever although we're left to believe that the entire cast of ghosts will remain in that house for enternity as the show shifts directions starting this November 30 (too bad it wasn't in time for Halloween).
This house collects, families...
# 2 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - Kolchak: The Night Stalker : This show doesn't seem as scary as it did back in the 1970's, yet it was a groundbreaking television event in that it was dedicated solely to the horror genre and brought that genre mainstream. House of Dark Shadows had been on TV a few years before but that was more like a Soap Opera - Night Stalker was pure prime time horror and Darren McGavin's hard-nosed Chicago reporter was perhaps the proto-type for (yet much funnier than) Fox Mulder.
Kolchak was definitely NOT part of the mainstream media
# 3 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - Rod Serling's Night Gallery: This was a short-lived (mainly because Rod Serling passed away - well, actually the show was cancelled before he died but it was close) attempt to shift the Twilight Zone format to pure horror. So, it did somewhat preview what Night Stalker would do a few years later - but through the use of an unconnected anthology of horror tales. Just a note, we haven't included Twilight Zone or Outer Limits (either version of the two) because those shows weren't 100% focused on the horror genre, otherwise they would certainly merit inclusion here.
# 4 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - Tales from the Crypt: This HBO series was in some ways like a resurrection of Night Gallery, just without Rod Serling. It marked the first time that the new cable channels began developing original horror content. We might as well throw in Tales from the Darkside here as well given the similarity in format (and the one interesting thing Darkside had was a connection to Zombie tycoon, George Romero). These shows made sure that there was horror to watch on TV across many periods when no horror shows appeared on prime time.
# 5 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - Buffy, The Vampire Slayer: We have somewhat mixed feelings about Buffy, but without a doubt it helped to created a new interest in the horror genre on television and may very well be responsible for the current vampire trend that has paralyzed popular culture. The other thing we like about Buffy was the fact that it gave Joss Whedon his real start in Hollywood (Waterworld doesn't count, enough said).
# 6 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - The X-Files: Ok, so there were lot's of aliens, but Aliens are scary too right? It's impossible to have this list without having the X-files on it. This was the show that made a shrine to paranoia of all sorts - both the paranormal type and extraterrestrial. The truth is that we loved to be pulled into its twisted world and heck they even wrote songs about watching this show with the lights turned off during the 1990's. What more could you ask for?
We want to believe - that David D. didn't chase every girl on the X-Files set...
# 7 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - House of Dark Shadows: This show was the one attempt ever of mixing horror with soap operas. Although, there are many people who think those two genres may be linked by default anyway. Despite that, this black and white show was compelling enough to warrant a film remake this year from director Tim Burton - no doubt this was one of his early influences.
The original Barney was neither purple nor lovable.
# 8 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - The Walking Dead: Zombies of course represent a fairly narrow sliver of the overall Horror genre, yet the Walking Dead has been so superb that it requires a place on this list. It's a real testament to the makers of this show that they took a topic that seemed to have been done to death (pun alert) and breathed new life into it. We like it, we love it we want some more of it. Let's all go to the Waffle Hell - ooops... got carried away.
# 9 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - Millennium: For the folks who couldn't get enough of X-files paranoia - the show spun off two series, The Lone Gunman and Millennium. Millennium took Y2K and added the X-Files with a bit of the Omen for good measure. It all came together to provide us with a profound sense of foreboding for the new millennium. Of course, by the time 2001 rolled around we had other things to worry about and pretty much forgot about this show. No matter how spooky Lance Henriksen looked, he just couldn't compete.
#10 Best Horror Show of All Time on Television - Scooby Doo: So, there may be some of you who find this choice surprising being a cartoon and all. But why? Think about it. Nearly every kid in America over a thirty period grew up watching Shaggy and Scooby chasing and being chased by spooks and monsters and solving mysteries - and more often than not - debunking the scary stuff and making us feel better. No other horror show on TV covered this much ground - it all starts with Scooby. Heck they even had they own soundtracks with such memorable hits as "Zoinks!" and "Those Meddlin' Kids" - we've still got old cassette tapes laying around. Time for a Scooby snack - gotta run
Scooby taught us all how to cope with terror...
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
Yesterday evening was dark, rainy and generally miserable out as the Eastern third of the United States was being pummeled by Hurricane Sandy - it seemed like an excellent time to go to the movies - so we did. We had been hearing quite a lot about Cloud Atlas; the feedback so far seemed to be sharply divided pro and con so we had to see it for ourselves (and yes there were multiple of us - we're not referring to one person in the third person). We didn't know what to expect and we understood why shortly after the movie began. We will also try to do our best not give away spoilers for this review.
An extended preview of Cloud Atlas
Cloud Atlas is an altogether different sort of movie. The only thing that comes close is an old flick from the 1970's based upon a Ray Bradbury short story, "The Illustrated Man." There was also a Robin Williams movie from the early 1990's called "Being Human." The idea behind all of these stories is that there may sometimes exist connections between people across lives and across the sea of time. The difference between those earlier versions of the core premise and Cloud Atlas is one of scale and execution. Cloud Atlas tells six stories concurrently, with many parts of the those six stories interwoven with the others. The main cast of this ambitious film were required to play as many as six different (albeit potentially related) characters. And the stories were interesting in how different they were from one another - we move from suspense, to melancholy, to comedy, to terror and to inspiration in turn. There does seem to be an underlying theme that binds most of these stories but we won't give it away - it is one of the pleasures of watching this tour de force.
So much of cinema these days is ordinary, formulaic and downright moronic - and we here do our best to ridicule bad cinema when ridicule is deserved. By the same token, we must also pay homage when we're in the presence of genius. Granted there are parts of the movie that overreach a bit and perhaps the makeup artists and Tom Hanks got a little carried away at times but overall this was a gripping 2 and a half hours of cinema. As the movie progressed we kept wondering when the intricate web of tales might collapse upon its own weight - we waited until the end and it never did. Some have argued in their critiques that the six individual stories were too shallow to stand on their own. We don't think the tales were shallow, but that's partly because they don't really stand on their own - in many cases one tale is a bookend to another and unless you can see it that way you might miss the whole point of the movie.
Hugh Grant as Cannibal Chieftain - he plays not one but 5 bad guys - you go Hugh!
We have to say that the most striking part of the film is that which deals with the character Sonmi-451 - it's pure science fiction and very reminiscent of the Matrix trilogy - not surprising considering that the same folks (the Wachowskis) who made the matrix created this film. It's striking both visually and because of the philosophical and political issues it chooses to tackle and it is a love story as well. There is something haunting and profound about it that we can't quite put our finger on.
Somni-451 is a Fabricant who dreams of freedom - we think the 451 may be an homage to Ray Bradbury
There are going to be people who don't like this movie for its politics or its views on spirituality and the human condition or simply because they find it too long or complex to follow. For the rest of us though, this represents much of why we love movies in the first place. Cloud Atlas is about storytelling and that couldn't be clearer if you pay close attention to the first scene and the last of the movie. And it's not just about telling six compelling stories, it's how those stories are told - within a wider context of stories and cultural currents. This movie witnesses breakout performances by Hanks, Halle Barry, Jim Sturgess, Hugo Weaving and Hugh Grant. It featured an absolutely stunning performance by Jim Broadbent and a remarkable debut by Doona Bae who plays Somni-451. The cinematography throughout the film was first rate and contributed a lot to the overall impact. The movie even featured some very decent comedic performances but we won't give those away.
Cloud Atlas receives our best film of the year award (if we had one). It is highly doubtful anything else will come close, although we do have hopes for Life of Pi. If you enjoy cinema and not simply going to movies to watch things you expect like the Expendables - then you have to see this movie. Love, hate it - it doesn't matter - you should experience it. If you like stories, you'll like Cloud Atlas.
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
Just when you may have thought we ran out of ideas for Halloween Top 10 lists, we're back... Anyway, we thought it was important to explore frightening concepts that Hollywood has otherwise overlooked up until now. We certainly understand that not everyone has the same tastes when it comes to what does or doesn't scare them - we've tried our best to settle upon some universal themes. And BTW - we will have another list coming up after this - the Top 10 Scariest TV shows ever.
# 1 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Frontier Psychiatrist: Besides already having a very catchy soundtrack, we really want to know the rest of story...
This could have only come from... Down Under. Ever wonder about that nickname?
# 2 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Blood Cycle, The Lance Armstrong Story: You've only heard the tip of the iceberg, Lance got blood transfusions during races yes, but from whom and was it willingly given? This is the story that exposes Lance as the blood sucking, organ stealing fiend that seemed somehow superhuman - now we know why. Dracula, Frankenstein and Arnold all rolled into one - he was the true Hell on the Wheels.
What's that you're sipping, Count Spokula?
# 3 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Kardashian Chaos (AKA Sister Hacks): What happens when a gaggle of no-talent bimbos finally get kicked out of the spotlight - they get homicidal, that's what. The high fashion reality TV, fashion model babes wreak havoc on Hollywood - marrying unsuspecting athletes, jamming their high heels into the eye sockets of reporters and generally refusing to be ignored. The ultimate outcome of this film is too hideous to even contemplate - as the world is forced to watch them age much like the Rolling Stones.
You must watch us, forever and ever.........
# 4 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Preservatives: Everyone thinks the end times will come from some horrible virus, but what if - the Zombie Apocalypse started elsewhere - say perhaps at your local supermarket. This is the story of how junk-food preservatives changed our body chemistry and allowed the dead to last and live on - forever. A.K.A. - Revenge of the Twinkies.
You are ,what you eat....
# 5 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Foreclosure: This film idea asks the question what happens when you foreclose on a Haunted House? We think it might go something like this - homeowners get screwed by the bank and the house wreaks revenge on its neighbors by falling apart, failing to mow its yard and generally lowering property values. Eventually the house invites squatters and drug dealers to move in and must be demolished. Pretty scary huh?
# 6 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Sushi: The ultimate slasher er slicer movie. There is nothing more disgusting and creepy than people eating raw meats. Let's make a movie about it; it'll probably be banned.
This used to be alive, have the decency to cook it at least will you!
# 7 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Revenge of the Teens: This is usually only frightening to middle aged parents although there is plenty here to scare the wits out of just about anyone. The whole process is a little like the Alien movie franchise.
# 8 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Attack of the Sub-woofers: They move from town to town, following some really lousy bands waiting - waiting to be turned up just to the right level - that level where you can no longer distinguish noise from music - and then - booom - everyone heads' explode. Taking bad entertainment to the limit...
# 9 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Windows 8: Just when you thought you had finally worked out all your operating system issues, Microsoft introduces another one.
The Horror, ... the... horror...
# 10 Horror Film that Needs to be Made - Waffle Hell: Imagine if you can, arriving late at night somewhere in the deep South, into a strange, dirty dank restaurant late - you're just looking for some food (and no it's not Denny's even though it might qualify as purgatory). And then, the jukebox starts playing and all the patrons start singing country tunes (Dolly, Garth Brooks even some Bluegrass) and you can never ever leave. "I got friends in low places..." AHHHHHHHHHH This is the Waffle Hell...
Cholesterol and country music equal eternal suffering at the Waffle Hell
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
Some movies are so scary that you never truly recover from them (like say the Sentinel); on the other hand some movies are just scary bad - so truly horrible, that you can never quite forget them either (no matter how much you may want to). Today's Halloween Top 10 list is dedicated to the absolute worst Horror films ever created. You may be curious how we separate "Least Scary" horror films from the "Worst" horror films. Here's our criteria:
The worst horror are generally not scary but have other attributes besides that;
Attribute 1 - truly dumb premise
Attribute 2 - truly bad acting
Attribute 3 - truly awful script
Attribute 4 - generally rotten special effects
Attribute 5 - total lack of continuity or common sense
Having said all of that, some of these films were at least, original...
Everybody loves Trolls, right? Well maybe not so much. We used to think that Trolls were the ones who took money when you want to cross the bridge - this may have prejudiced our opinions against them.
#1 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Troll & Troll 2: Rule of thumb, most horror movies made regarding trolls, elves, leprechauns and other dwarfs (real or imaginary) have been truly awful. A decent Horror film director could avoid alot of risk by skipping this genre altogether. Troll 2 is often considered to be one of the worst films ever made, although we think Birdemic gives it a good run for its money. They even made a documentary film about how bad this movie was which is high praise, sort of.
#2 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Birdemic: This movie has no redeeming qualities whatsoever; although we did eat in the Double-decker bus restaurant in Half Moon Bay where much of the movie was filmed and that was at least half-way cool. So, anyway this film - if you can call it that - follows a Silicon Valley executive and his dim-witted girlfriend as they battle poorly rendered CG eagles who are really pissed about Global Warming or something. Lot's of clever shots of cars backing up and parking add to the suspense and action.
The entire Internet has joined together in mocking this film - unfortunately the film's producers got the wrong impression from this and are making a sequel.
#3 Worst Horror Film of All Time - The Happening: Painfully stupid, hard to watch - a waste of talent and several years after seeing it we're still not sure what it's about. Something may have happened but we really don't care what and we hope what will happen in the future is that M. Night never makes another Horror film as this is only one in about 4 awful stinkers he's dropped in a row. We think the title ought to be changed to "The Nothingening," or Not Happening.
M Night, you really didn't make the Sixth Sense did you - that kid, Haley what's his name directed it, right?
#4 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Eyes Without a Face: We've always wondered whether Billy Idol's Eyes Without a Face hit from the 1980's was in any way linked to this cult French horror film from the 1960's. Several problems here; 1 - It's French, name one scary French movie. 2 - Oddly enough Face surgery is pretty common now - not so scary, 3 - They're all speaking French which sounds oddly not scary. 4 - Billy Idol is nowhere to be found in this film and the soundtrack sucks. Granted the girl looks a little bit like Michael Myers (from Halloween) older sister - or maybe it was the French Exchange student who stayed with them for the Summer?
Attack of the Mademoiselle !
#5 Worst Horror Film of All Time - GingerDead Man: What happens when you mix Gary Busey with flour, brown sugar and lot's of ginger and cinnamon? Well, perhaps the craziest premise for a movie ever with one of the looniest actors in Hollywood. Maybe not such a good recipe after all. It seems as though the folks who made this film did so with the deliberate intention of creating one of the stupidest movies ever - something to outrank Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and Killer Klowns etc. This is hardly an achievement worth acknowledging except for here on lists of the worst movies ever made. Gary at least had an excuse for doing this (he fell off of his motorcycle a lot), the producers likely have no such excuse.
Talk about your junk food!
#6 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Rabid Grannies: Here's a good one word review for this movie - Yuk! We're not sure exactly what sort of repressed childhood issues the makers of the film were working out - or whether they simply wanted to transfer their psychosis to the audience.
Come here Dearheart, nana is ever so hungry.
#7 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood: Very little commentary is needed here. What do you get when you mix killer Leprechauns with Crack Cocaine ? We'll, let's just say no...
The Racial Stereotypes are hard to escape in this film - Irish people may never recover from it
#8 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Dr. Giggles: We actually paid money in a theater to see this one - we can't remember why. Anyway, we think this film did a lot to undermine our healthcare system in America and it really, really sucked.
Let's give a big hand or two to Dr. Giggles ! or not...
#9 Worst Horror Film of All Time - feardotcom: We asked the question about the Ring, what would happen if it were uploaded to Youtube? This movie just put it on a website without the proper streaming technology so it reached a relatively small number of victims who had to wait forever for the video to buffer. If an internet borne computer virus is ever capable of boring people to death it should be named after this movie.
#10 Worst Horror Film of All Time - Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus: We weren't sure if this movie belongs on a Horror film list but it's close enough. This movie makes no attempt to hide how bad it can be - it seems to revel in its own low budget absurdities; from reusing the same pair of sunglasses to re-purposing what seems to be a large broom closet as the set for half its locations. At the very least though they come up a with a new attraction to compete with Shamu at Sea World.
Mega Shark can catch jumbo jets in mid-air; take that Shamu!
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
As promised, we're going to complement our list of the Top 10 Scariest Movies of all time with the Top 10 Least Frightening Films ever. Halloween, being the silly holiday that it is - represents a great opportunity to lampoon some of Hollywood's goofier attempts to scare folks. We have also determined that we've become temporarily obsessed with Halloween Top 10 lists so after this post we're going to create a top 10 list on the absolute worst, stupidest Horror films ever made. Enjoy...
Number 1 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Blair Witch Project: So here's the formula; no plot, no budget, no decent cameras or actors and guess what - it's not scary - what a surprise! It's not even entertaining or interesting. The Blair Witch ought to sue for defamation of character. We wanted our money back and we're wondering how we got suckered into going in the first place. This movie launched a trend of found footage - crap horror films. Thanks a lot!
Trees, dirty walls, winter hats and black and white film aren't intrinsically scary on their own (or together for that matter).
Number 2 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Maximum Overdrive: Stephen King is the best Horror story-teller ever hands down. What we don't understand is why the vast majority of his novels turned into huge box office stinkers like Maximum Overdrive. This movie is features killer trucks, a truck stop, killer lawnmowers and a soundtrack provided by AC-DC. How could it go wrong? It took Emilio Estevez's career decades to recover from this.
The scariest thing about this movie was Stephen King's appearance in the Trailer
Number 3 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Did you ever have the sneaking suspicion that your spouse was a giant vegetable or perhaps an alien? Do you find Donald Sutherland's hair to be unusually disturbing? Do you feel paranoid about socialists taking over by 2016? Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions perhaps you might find this movie scary. We didn't - and ye it's safe to eat giant Eggplants.
Are you talking to me ? - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK ?
Number 4 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Frankenstein (1931): Boris Karloff gave us the Monster Mash, but way before that he played the first Horror superstar - Frankenstein. It's hard to imagine anyone found it frightening back when it came out in the thirties as they were already making fun of it in the 1940's with Abbott and Costello. Universal Studios eventually assembled an Avengers-like ensemble of monsters with the Mummy, Dracula, the Werewolf - but it all started with Frankie. He was also the proto-zombie for all zombie flick as well. But the guy was just too nice to be scary.
Squarehead, dead-Bob ?
Number 5 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Bride of Frankenstein: Unlike zombies in today's movies, Frankie wanted to hook up with some superfreaks - perhaps it was the result of a fatal dose of Viagra, who knows. Dr. Frankenstein, wanted to make sure Frankie didn't run off with his wife so he decided to make him a playmate (well not a playmate like that). However something went wrong during the last phase of the reanimation and her perm got ruined, but she was still pretty hot (especially after being juiced with 100,000 volts of electricity). Unfortunately, she wasn't too enthused about her blind date with Frankie and things just didn't work out for them.
She's Electrifying ! - But your not the one that I want...do do do
Number 6 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Scanners:This is the one movie that could have been cured with extra strength Excedrin. Bulging blood veins, heads exploding and an army of mental assassinations fails to make this story interesting or the least bit scary.
Scanners really blew our mind - sorry we couldn't resist
Number 7 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - The Fly: Jeff Goldblum provides a whole new dimension to the term, I've got a bug in my program with this horror remake from the 1950's (the original starred Vincent Price and wasn't scary either). While entertaining and sometimes gross, the film never crossed the scary threshold except perhaps for an instant during the dream sequence scene when Gina thinks she's given birth to a giant slug.
Number 8 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Cujo (and Pet Cemetery): So we've got Stephen King again, pets and a lot supernatural activity - but we're just not feeling it, sorry. Perhaps if they had made the films using a Pit Bull, who knows.
We're pretty sure Cujo is the same lovable dog from the Tom Hank's film Turner & Hootch
Number 9 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Dreamcatcher: So Stephen King again, sorry Steve - and an all-star cast and aliens this time. Everything happens in Maine of course because that's where Steve places all of his stories, although we heard he lives in Sarasota now so why not any haunted yacht stories? The full-retard alien kid and the toilet and farting scenes make this perhaps one of the the grossest horror films ever but definitely not one of the scariest.
Number 10 Least Scary Horror Film Ever - Paranormal Activity: Let's see, I'll take my crap video camera and turn the lights off and on, scream lot and drop things. Ok - didn't I make this movie when I was five years old. Why aren't I getting the royalties?
Who knew CCTV could be soooooo scary? or not
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
It's getting closer to Halloween and what better way to celebrate than to compile a list of what we consider to be the 10 scariest movies of all time. Now, of course, there are likely to be many of who disagree with our picks but then again, there were a lot of people who actually watched Rosanne and Saved by the Bell, so there's no accounting for taste. We will complement this post by adding another post tonight with the Least Scary Horror films of all time. Please keep in mind that some of what we found scary in years past may not seem so frightening now given the advances in special effects and the fact that many novel techniques in the horror genre back then are considered standard gimmicks today.
The only thing scarier than John Carradine alive was John Carradine dead in the Sentinel
Number 1 - Scariest Movie Ever - The Sentinel: This movie gave us nightmares for years. Moral of the story, don't buy an apartment that has a two bedrooms and a gateway to Hell. Burgess Meredith was particularly creepy in this picture - that and dead bodies and the gateway to Hell is mostly what we remember. We blocked the rest out.
Number 2 - The Shining: Without a doubt Jack Nicholson's best performance after One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, Stephen Kings best novel and Stanley Kubrick's best film after 2001 a Space Odyssey. The kid was intensely creepy - the entire premise was great and the location perfect. This was not only one of the scariest films ever made it is one of the best movies ever.
Number 3 Scariest Movie Ever - The Exorcist: So, we don't know why our parents thought it was OK to take us to see this when we were little kids - perhaps they wanted to make a point to tell us never to use a Ouija board. After this movie, we never ate pea soup again. Ok, we'll admit it, we never ate pea soup before either but after this movie we resolved that we'd never try it. Linda Blair was the original Blair witch and lot's scarier than that other one.
This kid ate way too many pop tarts
Number 4 Scariest Movie Ever - Halloween: Before the 500 or 5,000 or teen slasher movies that we tend to dismiss nowadays were made we had Halloween. It was almost entirely original at the time, kind of a newer version of Psycho but much scarier. The use of the mask was pure genius - it was like the Mummy and Frankenstein all rolled into one. Jamie Lee Curtis did a great job as the heroine, more or less setting a standard for Sigourney Weaver in Alien and Linda Hamilton in the Terminator.
That Face-Cast must have been itchy
Number 5 Scariest Movie Ever - John Carpenters, The Thing: John Carpenter had made Halloween in 1978 and a few years later he remade an old 50's sci-fi horror film called the Thing. Oddly enough, in the original The Thing, the monster looked a lot like Jason from Halloween. Anyway, the Thing remains one of our favorite movies of all-time. The atmosphere, the characters and the groundbreaking special effects all add to the impact. He took a not so scary 50's plot and built enormous tension and suspense around it. We think this may have been Kurt Russel's best performance of his career.
"The Thing" introduced what we believe is the first Spiderhead in American Cinema
Number 6 Scariest Movie Ever - Dawn of the Dead (2004): Before the walkers of the Walking Dead desensitized us to extreme Zombie killing action in prime-time, Dawn of the Dead riveted us with a horrific gore fest that at the time set new boundaries for gore fests. The magic behind this movie which unlike many other Zombie flick was in fact pretty scary was the complete realism of the plot. We got to know the characters as they first tried to hide out in that mall and then make a dash for freedom. It seems clear that this movie more than anything provided the real model for the Walking Dead (comic books can't capture the medium, just the plot-line). This show freaked us out, gave us headaches and made us contemplate our mortality.
Get out of the Bathroom! (from Ghost Story)
Number 7 Scariest Movie Ever - Ghost Story: What made this film so scary was the absolute spookiness of the actress playing the ghost. She was very credible as the sexy spirit that steals the heart of the young professor. Later, this same actress played queen of the Borg and was equally spooky in that role.
Number 8 Scariest Movie Ever - Carrie: Talk about peer pressure! This movie takes a whole new approach to bullying, sex education and the Religious Right. Oddly enough all of that fits together as the same actress from Coal Miners Daughter gets her Spook on.
This year's prom theme is "Fire & Brimstone"
Number 9 Scariest Movie Ever - The Ring: This film takes an urban legend and our general distaste for mass medium and milks for it for everything its worth. What happens when you watch a really, really bad video - well you'll find out. Anyway - technology question - what happens you upload that video onto Youtube?
Well diving is one of the few sports not yet been sanctioned by Olympic committee
Number 10 Scariest Movie Ever - Nightmare on Elm Street: Despite the many sequels that more or less ruined the franchise, the initial film was clever, well-made and scary. The idea of the creepy janitor stalking hot kids at the high school was too good to pass up - the fact that he could do it in their dreams - well heck that is Inception 30 years ahead of time! BTW - it's ironic that Johnny Depp starred in this and just a few years later came out with his own scissor-hands movie.
1 - DW Griffith choosing to make the first real movie (The Birth of the Nation) an homage to the Klu Klux Klan - thus inventing all of this in one fell swoop:
Propaganda films
The Negative Ad
50 years of Hollywood Racial Stereotypes
The license to rewrite History
The Klan at a Lynching party in The Birth of a Nation...
It's a wonder Cinema ever recovered from its first feature film.
2 - Madonna appearing as a fencing instructor in the Bond flick, Die Another Day. This scene has haunted us for years.
Never Say Madonna again
3 - Movie concession stand popcorn - Yuk, it's salty toxic waste w/ fake butter on top.
4 - Jerry Lewis, Pauly Shore, The Gipper...
We're told that this seems humorous in France...
5 - Movie Critics - seriously, what the heck do we know?
6 - Ads in Theaters - We've got TV for that. Please make this go away.
7 - Ratings and Censors - It's not clear that these ever worked and we still haven't figured out what the difference between PG and PG-13 is.
8 - Credits that roll before the movie begins - Why do they deserve credit at that point?
9 - Flash-Backs with the same actor made to look ridiculously young - This is almost always embarrassing.
10 - Extreme Close Ups - no one deserves that - not the actors nor the audience.
Why does zooming in make something scarier?
11 - Copycat Movies - Remember when Sudden Impact and Armageddon came out within weeks of each other? How could studios have ever thought that competing for the exact same idea at the exact same time was clever?
12 - Teen Musicals - from Mickey Rooney to High School Musical, the outcome is always likely to be the same.
Let's have a show!
13 - The Floating Shot - A signature gimmick from director Spike Lee, we still don't get it.
14 - Blacklisting - not cool, really (and neither was Nixon).
15 - Jar Jar Binx - The racist animation that would have seemed at home in D.W. Griffiths, The Birth of a Nation.
Need we say more?
16 - The Expendables - turning being a has-been into a marketing gimmick. Only Stallone could have thought of that.
17 - Just about anything from David Lynch.
18 - Swedish films in general.
Any wonder they picked this guy to play Ming the Merciless in Flash Gordon?
19 - Caged women movies - Prison movies are peculiar genre; this offshoot focusing on women in prison is goofiest part of that genre.
20 - Adding "Drug Lord" anywhere in the synposis caption of the movie description. A recent survey of movies listed on Showtime and Encore channels showed 32% of the movies playing contained the the term "Drug Lord" in their description.
21 - The Celebrity Cameo - Feeding already over-inflated egos to the breaking point.
Mr. Fellini on a bad makeup day...
22 - Fellini - Ok, we had to watch him in film appreciation 101 - but what the hell was this guy thinking?
23 - Product Placement - Maybe this was inevitable, but we don't have to like it.
What's worse than Wayne's World - this...
24 - Bad Accents - Why can't Hollywood hire actors with the right language skills (or accents) for the role?
25 - British Accents for Romans, Nazis and Aliens - Why does everyone sound like they came out of a English boarding school? Why don't Romans sound Italian? It's just weird.
Copyright 2012 - Raving Reviews - All Rights Reserved
We don't just review movies and television shows on this blog. On occasion, when we are so moved, we'll review just about anything. Last year we explored Las Vegas to find the World's Tallest Milkshake and today we are going to take you to the tiny town of Patagonia, Arizona to find some of the best pizza in the country. First of all, it's probably worth noting the peculiar cultural sub currents behind the name of the restaurant. While there may be a couple of Velvet Elvis paintings in the restaurant, it isn't by any means a shrine to the King. (nor are they're any velvet paintings of dogs playing poker, at least not that we remember).
We aren't the only ones who like their pizza...
So the implication of what a 'Velvet Elvis' represents is kind of cultural throwback, a sort of Hillbilly homage or perhaps Spencer's Gifts attempt at home decor. It is emblematic of a variety of eclectic tastes associated with 20th Century Americana and in the case of this restaurant it gives the owner license to create pizzas and an atmosphere a bit out of the ordinary.
How did we hear about it? Well, we were traveling/staying in the area and it was a word of mouth recommendation. We didn't know how far away it was from where we were (or everything else for that matter) but we boldly trekked across the rugged Southwest Arizona landscape to find it. And it's about 30 miles from anywhere, but that doesn't mean the drive isn't interesting. Patagonia is nestled in the Mountains in he high Sonoran desert in between Sierra Vista and Nogales. It is very close to a little town called Elgin which happens to have some of the best wineries in Arizona and those wineries are surprisingly good.
Patagonia is also near a variety of nature-related destinations and is just twenty miles north of the Mexican border so expect to pass through Border Patrol checkpoints on your way back North (towards Tuscon or Interstate 10). The restaurant is also not too far from the tourist locations of Tombstone and Bisbee, Arizona (on route 80). Tombstone is a great tourist locale - lot's of locals dressed up like its the 1880's wearing guns (real ones) and Bisbee is a kind of alternative destination - part hippie hang out and part historic mining town.
It's a pizza pie - fresh organic and fairly unique
The pizza itself at the Elvis is amazing - sporting a type of whole wheat crust that doesn't taste at all like whole wheat. There are a variety of gourmet pizza varieties to choose from - "Designer Pizzas" - including El Mariachi and Tuco's Revenge (not sure if that's a reference to Breaking Bad as we haven't visited the Elvis since 2009). They've also got a lot of interesting desserts, salads and more. So next time you're within 100 miles of the place check it out.
Tuco says, if I were still alive 'd be eating pizza at the Elvis
Where were you when the American hostages were taken in Iran? Well, we don't remember either and perhaps many of you hadn't been born yet. It was kind of a big deal. What we do remember very well is Star Wars and Close Encounters of the Third Kind and how the end of the seventies gave birth to a science fiction revolution which had been prematurely aborted somewhere around 1973 and that's still going strong today. We do seem to recall the yellow ribbons and Ted Koppel on Nightline.
We (well most of us) had never heard of Ayatollahs before 1979
Argo marks Ben Affleck's first major foray into directing and also gave him an opportunity to showcase and older, perhaps wiser version of his typical leading man role. It's hard not to recall Armageddon and Pearl Harbor and cringe at how stiff and silly he looked back then as leading man. And who can forget Ben-Lo (the brief pairing of Ben with Jennifer Lopez)? But remarkably this movie did help us forget the past - except for the past being featured in the plot. And what of that; did Ben get the story right? We think he did get it and even did so in a balanced fashion - providing lot's of interesting insights as well as both sides of of the story to some extent. Although as the movie progressed and the tension built up, the Revolutionary Guard become ever more two-dimensional bad guy villains.
This movie was interesting not merely because of the history it told - e.g. the 6 hostages who had escaped and who were spirited out of the country in a daring, yet secret CIA rescue - it was interesting in that it was Science Fiction that helped save those six diplomats. Imagine that.
Inside Argo (making the movie about pretending to make a movie)
So, the movie within a movie is a little like Inception of course but this is based on reality. Why did the Iranians let these guy go? Well, most of the movie gets wrapped around the clock-ticking tension as to whether or not they get on the plane before the revolutionaries get wise as to what's going on - but the pivotal scene of the movie is when the refugees break out their storyboards in Customs and begin explaining to the guards what the movie they're making is all about. And then, we begin to see the universal appeal of Science Fiction as a story-telling mechanism that transcends cultures. The guards while listening to the plot and looking at the drawings can't help but to identify with parts of the story and want to become a part of something a little bit larger than life and in doing so let the refugees escape (of course the guards did end up making history that but not the way they figured).
Ben made some very wise casting choices with Bryan (Breaking Bad) Cranston, John Goodman and Alan Arkin. These three actors may very be the best three character actors alive in Hollywood today - they each have the unique ability to take just about any material given to them and make it memorable. Last night night in the presidential debate we kept hearing about "Tumult in the Middle East" - we'll that's nothing new. However, telling the individual stories that occur within that tumult doesn't always happen and we're glad Ben took the time to tell this one.
The Raving Reviews Blog is dedicated to the convergence of popular and critical review of the motion picture art - that and taking a sometimes irreverent view of popular culture.
