- The Book of Eli - We watched this on a flight, we can't be sure if it was the altitude or the awful airline food but we got nauseous during this one. The plot was as bizarre as it was simplistic (basically it all revolved around one punchline), the acting was post apocalyptic, the scenery was dreary and depressing. All in all this movie had little going for it. Denzel Washington also seemed hopelessly miscast and out of place in his lead role. This movie rated a big "Yuk" (and not a funny yuk either).
- Extraordinary Measures - Harrison Ford proved definitively with this movie that he can play a complete jerk with zero redeeming qualities. The story was supposed to inspire us we guess, but we're not quite sure because by the halfway mark we just wanted to throw Indiana Jones into the snakepit.
- Edge of Darkness - OK, we admit we didn't actually watch this one, but it was a movie about Mel Gibson acting crazy and mean and we already saw his antics on Youtube and other places so we figured how different can it be? Just say no to Mad Mel...
- Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief - We suppose there is some value seeing Pierce Brosnan CG'd on top of a horse's ass, but beyond that this movie was fairly tedious. Granted it was supposed to be a kid's film but it just didn't have any magic to it even with the over the top special effects.
- The City of Your Final Destination - One good rule of thumb about movies might be that if you find the title incomprehensible it is likely that the movie may follow suit - that certainly turned out to be the case with this ridiculous Merchant Ivory flick. Luckily we caught this on DirectTV instead of the theater and saved ourselves about twenty bucks. By the end of the movie we didn't know what had happened and we didn't really care either.
- Boogie Woogie - Another rule of thumb about movie prediction is if the movie title just sounds stupid, the movie is likely to be stupid. This movie conclusively proves the point - there basically is no plot and what does appear on the screen is disjointed and mainly unpleasant. We're treated to the worst English accent in the history of Cinema from Gillian Anderson (where's Mulder when you need him), the worst gift idea ever (we cannot even begin to describe it), and the worst whining, suicidal gay rant ever. Oh, let's not forget the many knowing glances and evil hearty laughter between the rich sinister art dealers and collectors. Film as modern art is a bit hard to take - but then again so is any modern art.
- Robin Hood - This was without a doubt our biggest disappointment of the year; Ridley Scott, Russell Crowe and the easiest story ever - and they blew it. Seriously, how can you screw up Robin Hood? Well, if you really want to know watch this version.
- Prince of Persia - For the second worst English accent ever, check out Jake Gyllenhaal's performance in the video game inspired, insipid and downright stupid PoP. Did we say we didn't like this movie? OK, first of all why the hell do people living in ancient Persia need to speak with pompous British accents (and doing it in such a way as to insult pompous Brits everywhere)? Second, didn't they know how to shave back then and if they did were they using the Don Johnson razor stubble specials that Jake seemed to have found? And what is with the hair? Did anyone in ancient Persia go around looking that stupid? You may think we're ignoring the plot here - well, guess what there wasn't one so we're justified in focusing on the parts of the movie which will scar us forever.
- Knight & Day - This one should have been titled, Botox & Facelift. Are we the only ones who have noticed that Tom Cruise & Cameron Diaz seem to be unable to accept how old they are? This movie was a sad attempt to recapture lost youth and like all such attempts ends up embarrassing the folks searching for their lost youth and making the audience feel unconformable. The script is preposterous and dull at the same time (a remarkable feat) and the action scenes were all off. It's time for these two to embrace middle age.
- The Expendables - If ever there were an award for accuracy in movie titles - this movie would win it hands down. The whole movie is expendable, the plot is expendable, the characters are both reprehensible and expendable, the action is expendable - it was truly awful on a scale that defies description. In a previous post we noted how mental ward escapee Dolph Lungreen nearly killed Stallone while filming this monstrosity - why oh why couldn't he have killed the whole movie? If criminal penalties could be assessed to people who produce bad cinema everyone involved with this movie would be behind bars.
Stallone assaults his on crew during the filming of the Expendables before assaulting the American Public with one of the worst films of the year...
Our next post will be dedicated a more serious topic, to the Worst Hollywood / Celebrity hairstyles of all time...
Copyright 2010, Raving Reviews
